King of the Hill · Season 5, Episode 8
“T'was the Nut Before Christmas” · Season 5, Episode 8
In this episode: Hank Rutherford Hill (5), Bobby Hill (2), Dale Gribble (1), Peggy Hill (1), Bill Dauterive (1), Luanne Leanne Platter Kleinschmidt (1), Connie (1), Joseph Gribble (1)
[Hank and Peggy are looking at all the children at the Santa's Village at Bill's house.]
Rented snow machines, all these lights-- it's like a carnival. I wonder how Jesus feels about this.
It's Christmas and Bill's happy. I'll tell you how Jesus feels-- great.
[The Hills are trying to drive through the congested traffic on their street, when Dale knocks on Hank's window.]
Valet parking is five dollars. Valet of the Dale's is not responsible for lost or stolen articles.
Dale, I'm just going to park in my driveway.
That lot's full, but Bill says I can put overflow parking poolside at Luanne's house. [yells to Octavio, off-screen]
[Wally is looking into Luanne's yard over Bill's fence.]
Nice pool. What say we jump in and see what floats?
Just keep your beer cans off of my lawn. And quit trying to read my t-shirt.
[Hank approaches Wally.]
You lose something over here?
I am making a citizen's arrest for trespassing.
I don't think so.
Believe me, I've done it before.
[Wally holds up Bill's house key.]
Well, how did you get Bill's key chain? Okay, you're under arrest for theft, too.
He gave it to me. Now, get off our property, or I'll citizen arrest you.
Damn it, when Bill comes home...
[mockingly] "Weh Beh guh hum..."
What the hell are you doing?
"Whu de huh ur da doon?"
[Hank storms off as Wally's friends laugh.]
[Bobby, Connie, and Joseph walk up to Wally.]
I believe you guys are first-time callers, so I'm only going to charge you a buck.
For what?
Beer.
We'd better go.
Why? Because beer's not TV-14? Set me up, my man.
[Wally hands Bobby a 40 ounce bottle of Alamo beer. Bobby is hesitant to take it.]:
What's the matter? 40 ounces for a buck is a good deal.
Oh, yeah. I just usually drink 30 ouncers, but hey, it's the weekend.
[Moments later, The kids are in the bounce house, groaning drunkenly.]
[huddling up against Connie] Come here. Jus' think, Connie girl, when we're grown-ups and marrieds, we'll get to do this every night.
Yeah, I want a house just like this-- with soft floors and plastic windows.
[staring at the ceiling] Look at the stars. There's... so many of them.
Yeah.
Cool.
You know the best way to sober up? Bounce around a lot-- get it out of your system.
[The kids try to stand up, but are too drunk to do so. They start laughing as Hank finds them.]
Bobby?
Hey, Dad! I like beer! [immediately turns around and vomits.]
You, you, and you go home now! [Grabs Wally] You get the hell out of here! [Wally blows a puff of smoke at his face, and Hank drops Him to the ground.] That does it! [Storms up to Bill's house] I've had about enough of this Christmas crap! Bill! [to Bill] Dang it, Bill! Some of us are trying to raise kids in this neighborhood. Good kids. The kind that don't try to kill their parents in their sleep. Kids like Bobby.
Wally would never kill me. He told me so! That kind of communication is very important in a father-son style relationship.
What? Is that my belt Sander?
No. It's mine. Wally bought it and gave it to me as a present.
Yeah? Then why does it have the same serial number as my warranty card?
I Did Ten Sit Ups And I Try To Do A Push Up Can I Go Back To Sleep Now
You Had A Chance To Sleep Last Night Mister But You Decided To Go Parting Instead Now Get A Rag And Start Washing Windows
Wally Was Not Your Family My God I've Thrown Out Propane Tanks It Would Make You Better Son Than Wally
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
