King of the Hill Season 13 quotes

Two blood sugar spikes in a week? Let's face it: Sooner or later this will kill you. Probably sooner.

Bill

What should I do?

Well, we have plenty of nice pamphlets that I'm sure you'll ignore. But this is how I see your diabetes playing out: First comes heart disease, then kidney failure, then blindness. Oh, and you'll lose your legs to gangrene.

Bill

Are you just giving me tough love?

Have you seen other doctors?

Bill

Yes.

Did they tell you to diet and exercise?

Bill

Yes.

Did you do it? (Bill doesn't respond) Here, take this. You'll end up in a wheelchair anyway. Might as well get one now, while you still have good insurance.

Hank

We already went over this with the zucchini muffins!

Hank

Dr. Weissman, my friend Bill would like to register a complaint.

Ohh, are you upset or something? I said you had diabetes, not cry-a-betes.

Bill

You told me I was going to lose my legs!

No, I said your legs could fail one day, possibly. I-I never said anything that could constitute malpractice, other it's current definition.

Bill

Hmm, my legs work just fine. Isn't that inspiring! (Bill closes the door and starts beating up Dr. Weissman)

Hank

(to nurse) Uh, my friend is just, uh...

I don't hear a thing.

Hank

About that science teacher of yours, does he ever talk about, uh, going green?

Bobby

I don't know. Do you ever talk about propane? My point is, he talks about all the time.

Dale

Say, ol' top, that truck is quite the gas puzzler. How many offsets can I put you down for?

Hank

You can put me down for kicking your ass. What kind of stupid got-dang idea is this?

Dale

This is the perfect plan. Strickland agreed to let me plant the trees on some land he isn't using, Bobby and Joseph agreed to do the planting, and I agreed to take the money.

Hank

Buying carbon offsets isn't gonna fix Strickland's image. It's just cheating.

Dale

Who's to say what's cheating?

Hank

Is Leonard DiCaprio cheating when he offsets riding around in a private jet? Yes.

Dale

Oh, Hank, you just don't get it.

Ted Wassanasong

This was no act of God; look at those sledgehammer marks! It was the act of rednecks, on a drunken rampage.

Dale

(After they rebuild neighbor's house) We should do this to Bill's house when he dies.

Bill

What a nice lady. We used to talk about puppies and serial killers through the fence.

Hank

[seeing Joe Jack in his MySpace profile] What's Joe Jack doing there?

So, who wants to get kicked in the ding dong?

Hank

[spotting Donna's message] "Hello, Hank; and goodbye."

[Hank enters Carl's office] Hank, thank God you're here. You got to help me.

Hank

Help you? Kicking your ass seems more appropriate, Carl.

I'm just going to come clean here. I just labeled those kids special needs so they wouldn't take the test.

Hank

Of course you did.

I'm really stuck here. I don't have anyone to take the blame. Emily's too young to take the fall and everybody thinks Dale Gribble's a special-needs kid.

Hank

[sits on the chair] You have to let those kids take the standardized test. If they pass, it'll prove they're not special, they're just a bunch of kids acting like jackasses, and that you didn't do anything wrong. a... at that moment.

But those kids will never pass the test.

Hank

All they need to be pushed a little, Carl. That's all they ever needed.

I guess we can try educating them.

[after Dale rode the log ride losing Bobby and the group] Gribble! Where are your dumb kids?

Bill

Hank's going to become a tugboat captain.

Hank

When you open a pocket knife, you need to keep your hand...

Bobby

Ow!

Hank

You okay? Uh, you might want to hold your hand above your head.