Bill Dauterive quotes from King of the Hill

Bill

I'm so depressed I can't even blink.

Bill

I'm all for lady's wrestling. Except when they do it in pudding. That's just demeaning to the human beings who make pudding.

Bill

I would never join a religion that restricted my diet. I don't want to get into heaven that way.

Bill Dauterive

If she doesn't come back, that means she and I weren't meant to be and if she does come back, well then... then I'll call the police.

Bill Dauterive

Do you like iguanas, Ms. Tobbins?

Bill

I'm a fireman! I'm a... [trips over cooler] ...hudafu.

Bill

(Trying to put on his old football helmet) Hank, how did my head get so fat?

Bill

(In a self-help class in a mental hospital) It's just that in the alley, no one cares what I have to say, but here, I feel heard and accepted and dare I say... loved?

Bill

"Can't a man get his own Ranger Dog?"

Bill Dauterive

(whispering) Tell him to get a Twix bar from the vending machine.

Bill Dauterive

I've never had a caddy before. I'm gonna treat him like crap.

Bill

(To Boomhauer) I know how dark it is for you right now; curled up, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer. And the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in, because there's a train comin' at you, carryin' a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: all you can do is let it hit you. And then try to find your legs. I know, I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me Boomhauer, I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just gonna wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard into the alley every day. I'm out there diggin' holes, fallin' into them, climbin' out, tryin' again, and tomorrow, I'm gonna hang outside at a ladies prison. And the first thing those lady cons are gonna see after 20 years? Is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive you better believe it. You gotta get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight t-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!

Bill Dauterive

Rex, just move your paw. (screams)

Bill Dauterive

You cut Dale's finger off for building a tunnel. I once made a vest out of your wife's underpants. I can't imagine what you'd do to me.

Bill

[to mailbox] Just me and you, mailbox. [pours beer into the mailbox]