Amy Wong quotes from Futurama

Zapp Brannigan

I’m calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy.

Leela

Forget it.

Zapp Brannigan

Then let the negotiations begin! I propose we go out on ten dates.

Leela

How about zero?

Zapp Brannigan

Nine.

Leela

Zero.

Zapp Brannigan

Seven.

Leela

Zero.

Zapp Brannigan

Eight.

Amy

Please, Leela? Kif’s like the sweetest guy who’s ever liked me.

Zapp Brannigan

Five, and that’s my final offer. Four!

Leela

One.

Zapp Brannigan

Two.

Leela

One half.

Zapp Brannigan

I’ll take it. We’ll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the first half of a movie.

Prof. Farnsworth

[whispers] Be very quiet. We're in the ear.

Amy

[whispers] Okay, professor.

Prof. Farnsworth

WHAT?!

Fry

[to Leela] What about "what"?

Leela

Uh...What about we go for a walk because it's a lovely day, perhaps?

Fry

Oh, okay.

Fry

I'm Santa Claus!

Hermes

No, I'm Santa Claus!

Amy

We're also Santa Claus!

Dr. Zoidberg

[with a heavenly aura around him] And I'm his friend, Jesus.

Fry

Your Mayor-ness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Poopenmeyer

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots! Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of Jesus! [The display shows "00"] Hey! Zero! [He throws the switch and sends the electricity through the electromagnets. Bender's arms and legs are pulled to them]

Bender

No! Not the magnets! [His eyes widen. singing] Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home. [The witnesses applaud] Swing low, sweet...

Fry

This is horrible.

Prof. Farnsworth

But it's not boring!

Santa

Ho, ho, ho! [He shoots the other electromagnet off the wall. Everyone scatters except for Fry, Leela, Bender and Poopenmeyer. Fry and Leela dive behind some rubble]

Poopenmeyer

My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!

Zoidberg

I help those who help themselves.

Bender

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me!

Santa

[laughs] I'm not here to kill you, Bender! I need you to help me save Xmas.

Bender

Gee whiz, Santa! You want me to help you?

Fry

Don't do it! He's evil!

Santa

I know he is but I have no choice. I'm running late and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is: Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Bender

Well ... 'tis the season!

Amy

What are their names?

Bender

Kids have names?

Bender

And from now on you're all named Bender Jr.

Fry

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg: He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does.

Zoidberg

Damn right!

Fry

The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Fry

Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

Hermes

Tally me banana.

Fry

Amy's a klutz from Mars.

Amy

Sploops!

Farnsworth

And, Fry, you've got that brain thing.

Fry

I already did! So, Leela, do you wanna be like us? Or do you wanna be like Adlai with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Leela

That's the dumbest question I ever heard!

Kif

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister, I-I spit! A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

Amy

But you still have them, right?

Kif

Oh, yes. But I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary.

Amy

Ah, it's a wonderful night.

Kif

It sure is. I could just lie here beside you staring at the sky all night.

Amy

I can't! [She kisses him and the ground shakes] What's that?

Kif

Maybe we just made love!

Amy

Thanks for saving my life, Kif. You're my hero.

Kif

Oh, you're kind. But your parents still don't like me.

Amy

Well globviously! But if they liked you then I wouldn't. Don't you know anything about girls?

Kif

Dear diary, I just made love for the second time!

Fry

She just needs some gas.

Prof. Farnsworth

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum preserves went dry in 2038.

Leela

Gas was an environmental disaster, anyway. Now we use alternative fuels.

Fry

Like what?

Leela

Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener.

Bender

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

Fry

Oh, right. Plus, the magnet screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Bender

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous.

Fry

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you, and nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that.

Bender

OK, OK, I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

Leela

Come on!

Hermes

You can do it!

Amy

Bender!

Farnsworth

Go on, you dummy!

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Fry

Oh, no!

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Bender

'Cause the master's gone away.

Bender

You've convinced me life is worth living... by showing me how bad my funeral will suck!

Amy

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next!

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, stop.

Bender

Whoa, you look better than you used to for some reason.

Amy

You're not so bad yourself, big boy. [kisses Bender]

Bender

Hey that felt great! [kisses the Professor] Nah, it's not working anymore.

Farnsworth

Speak for yourself.

Hermes

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!

Switzerland is small and neutral! We're more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!

Amy

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?

Amy

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted but my parents said I had too many ponies already.

Kif

Yes, I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.

Amy

You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there, you could drop me off on the way!

Prof. Farnsworth

We could but we won't. It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome!

Kif

Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

Amy

I'll be ready then.

Dig it! All you fitting in this box is like seriously freaked up!

Nonsense, there's a whole universe in there.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us.

Right on, Professor Freaksworth!

Get a job!