S2 He's Too Sexy For His Fat
Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
Um, maybe. I-I've been working out.
Well, you look wicked skinny. I'm, like, jealous!
Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
I don't have a mustache...do I?
Oh, honey, it's fine. It makes you look distinguished.
Now, Meg, I think all my children are beautiful.
[cut to an extremely overweight Stewie sitting on the front doorstep]
Damn you, ice cream! Come to my mouth. How...dare you disobey me? [a passing baby in a stroller waves at him] What are you looking at you...you infantile...stupid? That's right, damn you and such. You can [yawns] go burn in Hell... [falls asleep]
S2 E. Peterbus Unum
[while Lois is home-schooling the kids, Chris passes a note to Meg]
Yes, it is. Would you like to read it for the rest of the class?
[reading the note] I think Mrs. Griffin is hot.
Dad, I tried to go to school, but this guy won't let me.
Oh yeah? Him and what army?
The U.S. Army. [points to tanks and soldiers on the other side of the fence]
S2 The Story on Page One
Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears, that would ring a few bells?
"Got milk?" That's a funny one, too. Oh, and uh, "I got ya, diagonally." "Pretty sneaky, sis." That one's also funny. [goes to wash his hands]
Mayor West, you've been talking for an hour and I don't have anything I can use in my article. Can you just please...
My God! Somebody's stealing my water!
It just went down the drain.
They're crafty, I tell you. [waters a plant] It happens when you least expect it. [to the plant] Show yourself, damn you! I've been investigating him for months. It's cost $150,000 of the taxpayers' money, but I'll find the culprits if it costs me a million!
You spent public money investigating this ? Thanks. You know, I think I have my story. [leaves]
Your story? Wait a minute. You can't print that! It'll compromise my entire investigation! Well, thank God she's just a figment of my imagination.
S2 Wasted Talent
No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
S2 Fore Father
The only tent I'm pitching this weekend is... Well, you see where I'm going with this. Oh!
S Stripper
How old are you?
Old enough to know you're a whore.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
