Lisa Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa

Why does someone become a bully?

Neglect.

Dolph

Abuse.

Kearney

I'm a Cubs fan.

Lisa

Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out?

Bart

I don't know, 'cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?

Lisa

Point taken.

Willie

You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern?

Lisa

No, this is good.

Willie

Well, this knave's got to carve something.

Homer

I'm sorry, Homer, Jr. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill.

Bart

Therapy, please.

Lisa

Me too.

Lisa

I'm a Schwarzenegger wife!

Homer

But you're also the housekeeper. So it's all good.

Principal Skinner

I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.

Lisa

That isn't a word.

Principal Skinner

Oooh, back on the saddle she climbs.

Lisa

You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did.

Krusty

Go off the air while I'm still good? That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects.

Lisa

How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?

Marge

What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?

Lisa

Not to.

Lisa

Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.

Marge

Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

Bart

Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom.

Lisa

At least we hope it's bottom.

Lisa

[narrating] Bart won a blue ribbon, but was it worth it?

Marge

Lisa! Bath time!

Lisa

Mom! I'm narrating!

Marge

The water's going to get cold!

Lisa

Fine!

Lisa

Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?

Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities. We teleported from a singularity that I quantum-entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.

Professor Frink

Yes, but how did Bender get here?

With a time machine.

Lisa

But you just said that—

Sample's ready!

Homer

What I feel is envy.

Lisa

Wow! He's right.

Lisa

Mom, where's Dad?

Marge

I don't know.

Bart

Aw, it's Christmas Eve, man, we do not want to set a precedent for fat guys being late tonight!

Homer

Look at all these knobs and buttons. They're clearly a superior race. Maybe that means they'll be nice to us.

Lisa

You mean like Europeans were to the Native Americans or the Belgians were to The Congo?

Homer

That's right, pick the only two times in history where things got messy.