[Lisa sees the posters of women from Joan of Arc to Empress Zinzam on the wall of Zia's Ultranet room. The last poster features Lisa; she gasps in joy]
ZZia
Mom? Why are you here?
LisaI was worried. I thought I would find-
ZZia
What? Me flashing my boobs on Unripemelons.com?
Lisa
What? No! It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found, is, my daughter looks up to me!
ZZia
Well, of course I do! I look up to both my parents!
[a hologram of Milhouse wearing a burqa appears]
Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick!
[the hologram disappears; Zia turns back to Lisa]
ZZia
But I especially look up to you.
[Lisa and Zia embrace. A door opens behind Zia, revealing a disco room full of partying people. An embarrassed Zia slams the door shut and keeps on embracing]
Please don't say one again.
[whispers weakly] Onnneee.
Homie, whatever it is, it's not happening.
[furiously turns red and angrily grunts] This yolk-separating camera-hog was supposed to call you and say happy birthday! From her show!
[calms Homer down] Well, at least you remembered I like her. [kisses Homer which ticks him off]
[shocked] A pity kiss?! [turns red in anger] That tears it! I'm gonna call that Paula Paul and give her a piece of my mind! Huh? The phone's dead. Normal, normal, normal, normal, nor... Uncharacteristic?! Hm? A chew-through. What could have... [sees the rabbit eating wire] Aw... I mean, [furiously turns red and angrily growls]
Aw, he's trying to eat "ewectwicity."
[angrily screams at Bart] You let this monster into our home, where he chewed through our one and only phone cord!
Lisa
Wait! Maybe Paula Paul left a message.
PPPaula Paul
[on phone] Hi, Marge! Paula Paul here, calling live from What's On Paula's Windowsill?, ready to wish you a happy birthday, but since you're not home yet, we'll go to commercial and call you right back. (beep) Hi, Paula Paul, calling back for Marge Simpson! Kind of a big moment for you, a little surprised you're not picking up! (beep) Marge, this is just plain disrespectful. I bumped a segment to do this and you're making me look like an a*s! (beep) Screw you, Marge Simpson! Don't read my books and don't make my recipes! May my curse follow you beyond the grave!
Check it out! It's on TV!
PPPaula Paul
[on TV] They're booing you, Marge! An audience full of church groups and Marines!
OOfficer
Marge, go to hell, Marge!
[sadly turns off the TV] I think that's enough birthday fun. [walks upstairs]
[turns red in anger] Why you little... I'm gonna get... [grunts; turns his face normal] No, Homer. You can't strangle a boy on his mother's birthday. Juries hate that. So instead, boy, I want you to... [grunts; angrily turns red again] Get in that rabbit cage!
No way, man. I'm a free-range kid.
No backtalk! In the cage! Now! Get in there.
And that's that. Another story in the classic infallible three-act structure. Good enough for Aristotle, good enough for The Simpsons.
Lisa
Mr. Szyslak, I have a feeling there's going to be one more act to this story.
Well I'm not hanging around for that. Pfftt. Four acts.
Lisa
So how's the studying going?
When I start, I'll tell you. [lies down on the bed]
Lisa
[sensually obsolete] This is the most selfish thing you've ever done! You're letting your friends go hang because you are lazy, and selfish-- [Bart closes his eyes slowly] hey, are you falling asleep just to spite me?
Lisa
Spinach Farm, huh? You talk in your sleep!
Lisa, I want to pass the test, but I need your help and I had all sorts of problems. Lack of attention, I'm afraid of ovals, I only know 24 letters-- (Lisa closes her eyes that Bart done earlier) don't you fall asleep on me!
Kids, your father and I have decided we're not in such a hurry to get you guardians.
Instead of concentrating on dying, we're going to concentrate on living.
[turns red with anger] Why, you little... [furiously lunges at Bart and angrily strangles him] I do call this living. Living the way kids in lndia can only dream of.
Lisa
There is nothing like your biological family.
[to Lisa] Your father wasted his life his whole life being married to your mother and having you. We got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late.
Lisa
Why don't you put a personal ad on the Internet? That's how young people date these days.
It's weird that you don't consider yourself a young person.
Lisa
I know. It's weird to me too.
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
