Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Hey Lis, I'm sorry I ruined your Egyptian thing. We're still buds, right? Okay be that way, be a big stupid jerk. Oh, you're not the jerk...I am...forgive me? Oh, like you're Miss Perfect. Mom, Lisa's making me feel bad!

Marge

Stop it, Lisa!

Bart

That shut her up.

Bart

Ta-da! Notice anything new?

Marge

Bart, What have I told you about throwing money away on this joke shop?

Bart

Try and cut back a little?

Marge

[groans] Take these silly things off.

Bart

It won't come off.

Marge

You don't think there's anything wrong with what we're doing, do you?

Homer

I don't think anything I've ever done is wrong.

Marge

When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refrigerator motor?

Homer

Naw, I never thought I'd live this long.

Homer

Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit! Hahaha!

Marge

Heh, heh, mmm...yeah.

Marge

Whatever happened to Grampa? He was supposed to baby-sit.

Grampa

[to Rod] Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.

Rod

I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders.

Grampa

There you go with that smart mouth! [to Todd] Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.

Todd

Yes, sir!

Homer

[to the audience; annoyed] Why don't you take a picture?! It lasts longer! [everyone begins taking pictures] D'OH!

Marge

It would have to be camera day...

Bart

Wow...

Lisa

Hey!

Marge

I don't want you reading these awful scandal sheets.

Lisa

Uh, I was just trying to find Dave Barry's column.

Bart

He's great! He pokes fun at life's little foibles.

Homer

Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.

Marge

With cans of used grease?

Homer

[mockingly] No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease.

Homer

Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done, including my muscle for hire business.

Marge

Oh, poor Homey. Couldn't you try some other far-out, moneymaking scheme?

Homer

Now, here's my "Everything's OK Alarm." [picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly, with a sound similar to an air horn.] THIS WILL SOUND, EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!

Marge

Turn it off, Homer!

Homer

IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! [The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.] But it, uh, does break easily.

Marge

Homer, you got it set on "Whore."

Homer

Oh, sorry. [switches knob on gun] OK, this time, try to keep your nostrils closed. [Marge swats away gun, and the makeup hits a nearby wall instead] Oh, look what you did. Now I have to get my cold cream gun.

Marge

Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?!

Bart

I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.

Marge

You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?!

Bart

I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.

Marge

[sighs dejectedly] Oh, what's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine! Have fun killing things! [gets in her station wagon and drives off]

Bart

[to Marge] Everyone thinks they're monsters. But I raised them and I love them. I know that's hard to understand.

Marge

Mmmm. Not as hard as you think.

Whoo! Ooh-la-la, Simpson. What can I do for you and your new do?

Homer

[posing as Snake] You sent me to the chair.

[gasps] Snake? But you're dead.

Homer

[in Snake's voice] I know you are, but what am I?

No, no! NO!!!

Kent Brockman

And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all thought the night. On a lighter note: a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Homer

Oh, god.

Bart

Oh, man.

Marge

I can't believe it. That's horrible. Who'll run the Kwik-E-Mart?

Chief Wiggum

I'm afraid we have no leads, but I can safely say Apu did not suffer.

Lou

[crunching] Looks to me like he suffered a lot, Chief.

Chief Wiggum

Aw, geez, Lou. How long were you going to let me keep drinking this thing?

Lisa

Who would do such a thing?