Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

The truth never tasted so good!

Bart

Way to go, Slim!

[Homer keeps poking him with a baguette, trying to get him to go faster] Can you please-- Ow! Stop? Bag boys had feelings too, you know?

Homer

No, you don't.

Homer

'Sulfur jerky'? 'Cream of Toast'? Where do we get this crap?

Marge

Mostly they were from relatives who couldn't see very well.

Homer

Homer wants a brownie. I'm gonna get one.

Marge

No.

Homer

Coming in from the left.

Marge

Stop it. Homer.

Homer

Or is it the right? Look out for the reach-around! He shoots, he sc- [Marge accidentally cut his thumb off, he screams] My thumb! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Marge

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Homer

Sorry doesn't put thumbs on the hand, Marge!

Homer

[gets his severed thumb out of the pickle jar, groans] It's too late. [throws away Moe's jar of pickles] Well, old friend. We always knew this day would come. Say goodbye to your brother. [the robot explodes from distant] What the hell?! [Linguo's head lands near him; gasps and picks up Linguo] Linguo! Dead?!

Linguo...is...dead. [powers down]

Rich Texan

May the Lord have mercy on your gas-sniffin' orphan-beatin' souls.

Homer

Christ be with you.

Dr. Hibbert

Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out your anterior cruciate ligament.

Homer Simpson

Did you say an-terior?

Dr. Hibbert

Yes.

Dr. Hibbert

You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films.

Homer

But Dr. Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp.

[in Pierce Brosnan's voice]: Homer! No!

Homer

I'm gonna enjoy this. [removes the Ultrahouse's chips]

Don't take out my British charm unit! Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod! [Homer removes the chip, which happens to be said unit; speaks in an American accent] Ahh, thanks a lot, asswipe! [voice starts to die down] I oughta kick your butt from here to Albuquerque, you fat... slime... bucket!

Lisa

Dad, that's the water softener.

Homer

Well, I am missing the back of my head. I think you can cut me some slack!

Ah, who am I kidding. I ain't smiled for real since I nailed that rat with the icepick. Heh. Remember that?

Homer

That was an amazing throw.

I am Formico, the Dean of design.

Homer

Hi Formico!

Uh uh uh, my name must never be spoken.

Homer

Sorry. :to Moe: He seems nice!

Homer

Wow, who do you have to kill to get a place like this?

I think his name was "Gustafsson."

Marge

You found a corpse when you were twelve? No wonder you've been so traumatized.

Homer

It's responsible for everything wrong in my life...my occasional overeating...my fear of corpses!

Homer

So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! (it turns out that he is talking to Bart) So butter your bacon!

Bart

Yes, Father.

Lisa

(walking in) Mom, Dad, my spirital quest is over!

Homer

Hold that thought... (to Bart) Bacon up that sausage, boy!

Bart

But, Dad, my heart hurts! (Homer glares at him, Bart reluctantly wraps a slice of bacon around his sausage and eats it)

Lisa

I'm a Buddhist!

Homer

What? That's it, no more chat rooms for you!