Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa

Yeah, I wanted to spend Christmas with you guys.

Homer

So you're back on the winning team?

Lisa

No, I'm still Buddhist, but I can worship with my family too.

Marge

So you're just going to pay lip service to our church?

Lisa

Uh-huh!

Homer

That's all I ever asked.

Homer

What's the longest anyone's ever done this (dances around blurting out sounds)

Three years.

Homer

Oh Pff.. fine. I'll just play the banjo with this cobra.

Uh, technically the cobra would get the record, he's the one playing.

Homer

But it's my banjo!

Okay man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money!

Homer

That wasn't part of the deal. Hahaha.

(Reading Contract) He's right... who wrote this thing!?

Homer

Don't worry honey, we can't afford this now, but I promise when the time comes my darling daughter can go to the finest school there is... in South Carolina.

Lisa

I will not be a Gamecock!

Homer

You will too!

Bart

So to win Greta back, I have to go to Toronto.

Homer

Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior?

Lisa

[As Homer is about to cross the road] Dad, no! The sign says 'Don't walk'!

Homer

That's okay, they have free health care. [Gets sent flying by an oncoming car] Whoa, I'm rich!

Homer

Eh, I'm sick of this tarzan movie.

Lisa

Dad, it's a documentary on the homeless.

Homer

Oh, right.

Homer

Here we are, Branson, Missouri.

No pally, this is Bronson, Missouri.

Lisa

Well how do we get to Branson?

Number 10 bus.

Hey ma, how bout some cookies?

No dice.

This ain't over.

Homer

[Whining]Can we stop? I have to go to the bathroom.

You just went five minutes ago!

Homer

I'm sorry, I have a bladder the size of a Brazil nut.

We just call them nuts here.

Marge

Homer, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sleeping with a group of crows in the bedroom in the night.

Homer

It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder.

Marge

I'm going to go sleep on the couch tonight.

Marge

Where did you get that suit?

Homer

Woah, woah, one question at a time. [Points to Marge] Yes, you?

Marge

Homer, I am getting really worried you are going overboard with this. We are out of clothespins, there are half-eaten cupcakes all around the house, and the curtains smell like doob.

Homer

Well I got news for you: I just got promoted and it's all thanks to yes-I-cannabis! (Homer walks away) We have a kitchen?

Don't you hate carpet stores that charge extra for the under padding?

Homer

I hate them so MUCH!

Homer

Grrrr...! RAAAAARRGGGHHH!!! HOMER MAD!!! AAARRRGGH!! [Bashes the fence down] GAAAAAARRRGGH!!!

Bart

Thank God his pants stayed on.

Homer

AAAARRGGHH!!! [Rampages through the town.] HOMER MAD!! HOMER SMASH!! GET REVENGE ON WORLD!!!

Look, it's the Incredible Hulk!

Homer

GAAAARRRGGGHH!!!

Homer

Thanks. Are you sure you don't want to come? In a Civil War re-enactment we need lots of Indians to shoot.

I don't know what part of that sentence to correct first, but I cannot come.

Marge

Oh, Homer. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Homer

You bet I am!

Homer

Hahahahaha! You can run, but you can't glide!

Homer

Hehehe! U S A! U S A!