SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 9
[singing] Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?
Wonder no longer. You only need 1.
[gasps; singing backwards] ⸮ekam ew tsum seittaP ybbaK ynam woh rednow, rednow, rednow I ...hO (Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?) What do you mean "1"?
Didn't you see today's newspaper?
"No takers for McNulty Challenge". Ha! What's that suppose to mean?
He's the current champion. He only needs to eat 1 patty to win.
[Squidward is at the Krusty Krab]
[comes in] I invented a game! I invented a game!
[doesn't want to know what the game is] Whoopee. Do tell.
Well, you know how hard "Tic-Tac-Toe" is and how it always takes so long to play?
Uh-huh.
Yeah! Well, I made it easier and faster!
[sighs] I know I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but what do you got?
It's called "Tic-Tac"! [holds out a notebook] You start with four lines that are crossed. And then the first person puts an X. And then the next person puts an, uh... [thinks]
O?
Oh, yeah! An O! And the first person to get four in a row draws a line through them and says, "Tic-Tac"!. [rips off the paper and laughs] You start!
[Squidward draws an X then Patrick draws an O. Squidward draws another X and draws a line through them]
Tic-Tac.
Uh... [rips off another paper] Best two out of four?
[narrating time card] Many Tic-Tacs later...
[Squidward and Patrick had been playing "Tic-Tac" for a while. As they played one more time, Patrick becomes worried as Squidward draws in the notebook]
Tic and Tac.
I should've gone with my first idea: "Tic."
[The X's, O's, and the writing of the Galley Grub starts disappearing before the scene changes to Squidward riding his recumbent bicycle. Patrick runs up to him]
Squidward, I got a new game! It's called "Rock, Paper, Butter"! [holds out a stick of butter melting in his hand]
Butter invent a different game! [laughs]
[Squidward rides away as Patrick eats the stick of butter and sulks sadly back home. The scene changes to Squidward watering his garden. Patrick shows up with two ropes. A long one and a short one]
Squidward, I got it! [throws the ropes on the ground] Whose Rope Is Longer? You... [Squidward picks up the long rope before Patrick finishes] You played this before!
Welcome, gamers! And behold! [thunderclaps] My game!
[Patrick's game board is made out of random board games and is shaped like Patrick himself]
It's beautiful!
[yawns] Are we finished? Who won? [Sandy, disgusted by Squidward's rude behavior, nudges him, much to Squidward's annoyance]
[laughs] No, my friend. We have only just begun.
What's it called, Patrick?
Might I suggest "Garbage"? [Sandy growls at Squidward] What?
Yeah, Patrick. What's it called?
[As Patrick thinks, Mini Brain Patrick pushes a light bulb out of his head and it lights up.]
It's called... "Patrick!!" [thunderclaps]
Wow!
Could we just get started already? I'm late for my coma. [still annoyed by Squidward, Sandy zips Squidward's mouth shut]
Hey, Squidward, you finally understand the rules!
Oh, I get the rules alright. The rules are that it doesn't matter what anybody rolls! You can just make up whatever it means! [takes the dice and rolls them] So I could just roll the dice and say, "Automatic Winner!"
Good job, Squidward! You've won!
Nice play, Squidward!
Huh? Oh, you know what, you're right. That was a good play.
Not so fast! [writes on his rule card] No player may declare himself "Automatic Winner."
You did it again. [becomes furious] You made up another rule! THIS GAME IS THE WORST! STUPID GAME! [Infuriated with Patrick's constant rules, he attacks Patrick. SpongeBob and Sandy run off while he grabs Patrick's game board and shakes it off of Patrick. Then he throws Patrick in the air and when Patrick landed, the game breaks in half. Squidward then puts a piece of the game board in his mouth and shakes his head like a dog. He stomps on it with both feet out of insane anger. However, the police arrives at the scene]
Destruction to private property. [Patrick, who's visibly enraged at Squidward for destroying his game, writes on his rule card and gives it to the police. Squidward tries to walk away but Nancy O'Malley and the Highway Speed Patrol follow him] Oh, and I see here you are a repeat offender. You're going to real jail. [he and Nancy O'Malley grab Squidward and throw him in the police car]
Anything to get out of this game! Thanks, Officers! [however, the blue cellmate comes back inside the box]
Welcome back!
Somebody say my name! [the police car drives away]
[appears on a game board box; to the viewers] GAME OVER!
[the episode ends]
[The episode begins with many customers at the Krusty Krab while Squidward is awakened from his normal nap when Mr. Krabs makes an announcement.]
Listen up, crew, I have an announcement. Bikini Bottom's newest sports stadium will officially be named after this restaurant!
"The Krusty Krab Stadium." Wow!
Paying for the naming rights, will make me millions!
[grabs a foam hand and a pennant] Opening day is today! Tailgate party! [running past Mr. Krabs]
[he pulls SpongeBob back] Not for you! Your tails have to stay here and pay me back some of that money I spent.
[grabs a green foam hat] Hurray for Mr. Krabs!
While I'm gone, Squidward mans the helm. [leaves the restaurant]
This is what you get when so-called fish kind in all its hubris and ignorance stoop so low... [points to Mr. Krabs and Crupski] ...as to cut corners in its plumbing system! Extinction is the result of being cheap!
What a bunch of malarkey.
At least we didn't waken the great sewer snake. [sees the sewer snake behind him as he looks up] Check that.
[All of the customers run out of the stadium upon seeing the sewer snake, but Charlton does not go back down. He throws the axe, pulls up he sleeves, and runs heroically towards the snake. However, he has an idea on how to defeat it. He points to his nose.]
[with a squeaky voice] Uh-oh.
[Charlton pokes the snake with his pointy nose and the snake yelps and flies around like a balloon and falls back through the hole and into the sewers. Back at the Krusty Krab, the toilet erupts with water and floods the restroom. The water bursts out of the restroom with the safe covered in filth. The safe is opened by Squidward who along with SpongeBob are covered in sewage.]
Hey, everybody. The cook's back from the toilet.
Who's hungry?
[All customers then burst out from the Krusty Krab, screaming and freaking out, as the episode ends.]
Wow! Another Mermaid Man reboot. It's how I always re-imagined the reboot would be remade. [wind blows; shivers] Ooh, cold knees!
[drives by, then park and jumps out of his boat with a suitcase] Well you see you got cold knees, icy joints like... vivian, patellas? What you need is a pair of longpants.
LongPants? [twists around looking at the pants spin around him]
I don't get it. We have been staring at this table for three hours. That table could use a cleaning.
Shh! Some people are trying to enjoy le cinema.
Oh! Hey Squidward! Hey, do you understand what this movie is about?
Nobody does, it's art, now sit down!
Hey Squidward?
[loudly] What?!
Are you remembering to flip the patties clockwise? It's very important because the heat..
[really loud] PLEASE SIT DOWN!
[shines a flashlight in Squidward's face] I'm sorry sir, you're being too loud. I am going to have to ask you to leave.
[grumbling as he is walking away]
Oh, wait, Squidward, I'll walk you out. [Squidward continues to grumble as he exits the theater] Squidward!
You see before you is a combination of my lifelong dream! A place of my own where I can work out everyday and anytime I want, Larry's Gym! [crowd is cheering again]
Looking out at this sea of plastic muscles and sagging flesh, frankly, I'm disgusted.
Awwww!
I'm now opening the gym to everyone in Bikini Bottom! [crowd cheers for the third time] ...For the price of a lifetime membership.
Awww! [looks down]
But today, everything is free!
[The crowd cheers and runs into gym.]
[appears with scissors through his head] You're the lobster, Larry! The Alpha Lobster!
Well, I don't know if I'll say that! [buffs up]
Oh, I filled out a membership form! [hands the form to Larry]
Me too! [hands the form to Larry]
What's in that pink box?
Um, donuts, sir?
Larry [throws away the box of donuts] "Dough" not bring those in here! In the meantime, enjoy yourself because your first visit is free!
Mr. Krabs [magically appears out of nowhere, literally] Is it true that everything is free?
That's right, sir! For your first visit, we– [Mr. Krabs runs off and disappears.] Hello? In conclusion, I'm at your service to turn anyone–anyone–into a rippling heap of muscle glory! [buffs up once more]
[The scene changes to the Krusty Krab late at night. SpongeBob is happily flipping the patties on the grill.]
Well, that was the last customer, SpongeBob.
[places his two spatulas in his pockets] Oh, what a great day.
And you know why it was a great day? Because Krabs never even showed up!
[The scene changes to Larry's gym getting ready to open up for the morning. Larry is walking by the steam room until he sees steam coming out.]
Huh? [sniffs] What is that smell? [jiggles the doorknob] Mr. Krabs, how long have you been in there?!
[Larry pulls the door off and sees Mr. Krabs as a cooked up crab on a plate with melted butter and lemons on the side, meaning that he had been in the steam room too long.]
I think I'm done! Would you mind rubbin' a little butter on me? [the episode ends]
Patrick, you are making very poor choices!
You know somethin'? [jumps off the bench and points at Cashina] You look like $1,000,000 when you smile. [Cashina giggles again; Mr. Krabs gets down onto one knee] Cashina, would you make this old crab's day... and allow me to take you to a place where you can buy me dinner? [smiles again]
I'd love to... [her face becomes completely transparent as the rest of her darkens, revealing none other than Plankton inside, sitting on a chair and controlling Cashina by means of a lever, a control panel with buttons, a joystick, and a microphone on it, and a camera]
[puts his hand over the microphone] ...Scam you out of your secret formula, that is. [laughs evilly as Cashina's face reappears; she covers her mouth as Plankton's laugh only comes out as a small giggle]
[Mr. Krabs is ready to tell Cashina the formula, but he gets emotional and cries; a tear falls in Cashina's mouth, destroying her and revealing her as Plankton in disguise]
[Girl voice, changing to his own voice] Come on, Krabs, let it all out! Huh?
Plankton?!
No, no, I'm not Plankton! I'm Cashina... your blushing bride! I.. uh... uh... Am I blushing?
You... MONSTER!
[He is about to crush Plankton but is too heartbroken to do so]
You're not gonna crush me?
I've been alone for so long, and for the first time in forever, I felt for someone! Well, something. I mean, a pile of cash with lips? It was all too good to be true. Cashina may have not been real, but me feelings were, weren't they?
Get a hold of yourself, Krabs!
Plankton, are you saying it was all just a scheme to you?! And you felt nothing?!
You're crazy! I'm out of here, and one day, the formula will be mine! Mark it!
...And that's why today, we all wear shoes.
Okay, okay, We get it. We will stop being mean, I promise. Just let us go.
Whoa! [groaning]
Listen, Pearl. We didn't mean to hurt your feeling or anything. We just, like, think it's weird that you're, like, a grandma now or whatever. We don't really get it.
Well, I don't care what you think anymore anyway. I'm being true to myself, and--and that's all that matters!
SpongeBob, you old patty junkie! Welcome home son! [SpongeBob glances at Patrick]
It's okay, I hate work anyway. [everyone laughs]
Oh, Patrick!
No really, I do hate work! [everyone laughs even harder, even Patrick starts laughing] Everybody's laughing! Oh hey SpongeBob, I got something for ya!
Yes, Patrick?
[Patrick gives SpongeBob two thumbs-ups, as well as SpongeBob. The crowd cheers, SpongeBob's and Patrick's thumbs launch into the air, and explode and the episode ends]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
