Showdown? I can't fight in a showdown! I'll have to go into the Witness Protection program, [goes through pictures of The Krusty Krab] I'll have to quit working at The Krusty Krab, I'll never flip a succulent Krabby Patty ever again. Oh, what have I done? [notices a note next to Gary's food bowl and picks it up and reads it.] "Hey yo Sponge-o, we were in your neck of the woods and decided to pickup your beloved pet Gary, if you wanna see him you better hightail your porous caboose over to the showdown, sincerely Sharkface and the other Sharks", Gary! No! [runs through the wall and out of his house, but runs back and breaks through the door.] I have to save Gary, I have to go to the showdown! I have to get ready to fight! [puts on shades; gets 100% lard patty oil and dips his head in it, and then has some hair, he uses his hair to hit a punching bag, and then spins around two spatulas and slices almost everything in the room.] I'm ready!
S9Sharks VS Pods
S9CopyBob DittoPants
Looks like you sponges have everything covered.
Mm-hmm! [suddenly turns pale]
Hey, you don't look so good. Can I take you home? Where do you live?
I came from the Chum Bucket.
[realizing] The Chum Bucket?
♪I'm going to know the formula! I'm going to know the formula...♪
Plankton! [Plankton halts before him] Me Two says you made him in a copy machine, so that you could steal the secret formula!
Well, that's pattonly ridiculous!
[weakly] Ugh...
You’ve gotta help him! I think he's sick or something.
[scrunching up] I feel funnyyyy...
[Suddenly, Me Two rolls up like a paper roll in mid-air and disappears from existence]
ME TWO, ME TWO! Oh! What happened to him?!
I was afraid of that. I thought I'd save some money by using cheap toner.
What does that mean?
It means my plan is ruined! All the SpongeBob copies will fade away now!
[shocked] Fade away...? All my brand new friends?! [crying] NOOO! THEY CAN'T!! [cries; runs inside and talks to a clone mopping] NO! DON'T DISAPPEAR!
[The clone also turns grey, scrunches and rolls up, and disappears like Me Two; SpongeBob cries harder]
[to a clone] Quickly, man! Before you fade, what's the formula?!
It's easy. You take one par -- Whoa! I don't feel so good... [turns grey, rolls up, disappears]
Wait, no! [to a clone carrying dishes] You, the formula?! [the clone also disappears; to a clone dusting a table] The formula?! [that clone disappears; to a clone at the register] The formula?! [he disappears; to a clone flipping patties] The formula?! [he disappears; a patty hits him] Ouch!
[He runs to several clones in the restaurant; SpongeBob keeps crying over losing his friends]
The formula, the formula, the formula?!
[They all disappear. Scene cuts to a bunch of other copies cleaning the roof, mowing the lawn, and some other things but they disappear. Then the scene cuts to Patrick playing with some of the copies but they disappear also.]
Life is but a walking shadow. Ha-lube-lube-lube-lube-lube... [Stopped because he gets hit by a lawnmower and gets split into 9 mini copies of himself. Scene transitions to Plankton running over to the final copy.]
What's the formula?! [Mr. Krabs enters.]
Well, I did it. I calculated 1 paycheck down into 300 separate tiny checks. Only one of you left? Here.
[The final clone disappears]
Geez, what a cheapskate.
S9Sold!
[Squidward presents himself at SpongeBob's home, dressed up in typical German clothes, in order to convince him that a German family has moved there]
[with a German accent] Ehm... German hello...?
ACH! Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob. (Good morning! My name is SpongeBob.)
[baffled] Say what?
Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob. Ich bin gekommen, um meine alte Heimat zu besuchen. (Good morning! My name is SpongeBob. I came to visit my old home.)
Please, would you speaken Sie English? I need za practice...
S9Lame and Fortune
We have to share these with everybody! [cuts to inside the Krusty Krab]
No, SpongeBob. We are not handling out anything free for every purchase. Even the smiles here cost a nickel.
Aw, why not, Mr. Krabs?
Hahaha. Because, SpongeBob. Fortune cookie fortunes are always lame and they never come true.
[picks up a cookie, secretly given to him by Plankton, opens it, and starts reading the fortune] "Unless you give a tiny copepod the Krabby Patty secret formula, you will die?!"
[opera voice] Hello! [normal voice] Did someone say copepod?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream when they see who it is, and starts and they both run with fear to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob locks the door and Mr. Krabs puts a plank of wood in a holder in front of the door]
Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene. I'll come back later, ciao!
[nervously speaking] J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?
If the cookie says it's true, then it's true. Horribly, terribly, truthfully, true! [begins to cry]
"You will die." [the word "die" echoes in his head three times, leading to a vision of Mr. Krabs' funeral service]
[sobbing] Oh, I'll miss you, daddy! [continues sobbing then she takes his wallet] But I really can't wait to spend your hard-earned money on shoes! [laughs and runs away]
[wakes up in his coffin] Me money!
Mr. Krabs! No! [cries some tears and fills up Mr. Krabs' coffin, causing him to float out of the coffin and hits his head on the floor. The vision ends]
Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs, it's time. [SpongeBob's arm breaks off while holding on to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets scared as SpongeBob appears on his other side] It's time to give up the secret formula to Plankton! [attaches his left arm back into his body] Because your life is worth more than some scrap of paper in a bottle.
You're right, me boy-o, [heads toward his safe] I've got to face me fortune. [takes the secret formula out of the safe]
I guess I didn't really think that through.
I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Plankton.
Oh, yeah?! What are you going to do about it, Eugene?
Nothing, Sheldon. [holds a fortune cookie] Here, have a fortune cookie. [gives Plankton the fortune cookie]
[opens fortune cookie and starts reading the fortune teller] Eh. "You will go on a long voyage where you will get everything you deserve." [gets picked up by Mr. Krabs] Hey!
[the ending follows to a Chinese restaurant where Plankton pops out of a fortune cookie and is avoiding the chopsticks.]
Ahh! Hey! [gets grabbed by the chopsticks] Ooh! Mommy! [a chomping noise is heard]
S9Sandy's Nutmare
Oh no! The nuts stopped!
Hold on! I got this! [pokes the tree with his umbrella, but much to his horror, the tree cracks, loses its leaves and inexplicably dies]
[SpongeBob and Patrick scream]
Oh no! Patrick, we have to do something! Sandy'll never forgive us if we ruined her tree!
And I'll never forgive her if she runs out of Nutty Butter!
S9Bulletin Board
[to Mr. Krabs] Let's see what other nice people are saying. [walks out of Mr. Krabs' office. Moments later, he is standing in front of the bulletin board, screaming and clutching his head] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
What are you shrieking about?
[hurriedly covers a space of the bulletin board; evasively] Nothing, I just love to shriek! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
S9Food Con Castaways
I don't wanna hear another peep from anyone until we get to Food Con!
[Pause]
[alarmed] PEEP!
Not a peep!
PEEP!!!
NOT A PEEP!
PEEP!!!!! [points ahead]
PEEP'S CLIFF!!!
Positions everyone! [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows] Aww. Hey, little fella. [thinks the snail was harmless and friendly, but to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty]
THE PATTY!
[The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty]
[Panics and runs around] Oh, what are we gonna do?!
Don't eat my patty! [grabs Squidward and throws him in the air]
[Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty]
Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!
Whoopee.
S9Snail Mail
Pen Pal, this one's for you. [SpongeBob's plane drives down the runway and slowly begins to take off. SpongeBob pulls down the lever and the plane starts to fly. The audience cheers in astonishment.] Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw! [Suddenly, to SpongeBob's surprise, Patrick is running on the runway below him.]
Hey, SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!
Patrick? You're Pen Pal?!
[laughs] Duh! [laughs]
But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!
Dying? Oh, oh! You didn't read the whole letter!
[pulls out the letter] See? It says, "I wish I could watch you fly because I am dying!"
[pulls out his second letter] And here's the second page: "...to see you as a real pilot, SpongeBob! Here are some other things I like to see: candy rain, a firetruck full of clowns, and... a bunch of other stuff."
It all makes sense now! [laughs] Oh, Patrick! [laughs]
[laughs as his letter slips off his hands] You thought I was dying!
S9Pineapple Invasion
[Gary answers the door and sees Plankton in the disguise as a salesman. Plankton gently pets Gary, but Gary growls angrily at him]
Why, hey there, little fella! Is SpongeBob... [clears throat] I mean your master at home? [Plankton's fake ear slips, but he pushes it back] Eh, perhaps I could just come inside for a minute and demonstrate our fine snail products. [opens his case and shows snail care products] Shell polish, slime deodorant, chew toys...
Meow! [Gary slams the door on Plankton, breaking off part of his disguise]
My leg!
S9Salsa Imbecilicus
[Patrick comes with a yellow balloon and is still riding the skateboard upside down]
Hey, Patrick. Have you noticed that everyone's acting a lot like you today?
[eats the balloon and it pops inside his mouth which deflates his head. He lifts his head up] I don't understand the question. [leaves and continues riding the skateboard upside down]
S9Mutiny on the Krusty
Gee, why is Mr. Krabs too crabby today?
Porbrably because it”s payday.
Paydays been parceled! Now hear this. I’m captain of this ship, Captain Krabs! As I say “No rip current could ever harm the Krusty Krab.”
Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.
Well, boy-yo, you believed in me. So, today will be a payday for you.
What about me?
You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from payday to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! [laughs]
[The episode ends with Squidward and the customers pulling the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs sit on the roof]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.