[SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to rob the bank. They're both wearing a huge sock over their heads like a mask and are unable to see. SpongeBob has his back to the teller window]
Alright! Put the money. In. The. Bag! PUT IT IN!
BTBank Teller (Nat)
Umm, you're facing the wrong way, sir.
[turns around, laughing] ALRIGHT, GIVE ME THE MONEY!
BTBank Teller (Nat)
Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
BTBank Teller (Nat)
May I please see some identification?
Sure. [gives him a card] Here ya go.
BTBank Teller (Nat)
Thank you. [The card is shown to be SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card; SpongeBob gives Patrick a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of $0.00 for both of your accounts.
BTBank Teller (Nat)
Next.
Patrick, she has lost it! She's completely institutionalized. She's forgotten what it's like to live on the outside, to not be in prison!
[Cut to a fish caught in traffic, then miserably working at a cubicle, and then solemnly looking out his window]
WWife
Coming to bed, honey?
[Cut back to SpongeBob and Patrick]
We've gotta remind her that there is a life other than this! Mrs. Puff, if you come with us, I’ll stay after school, and decorate the whole classroom.
For the last time, No! I’m not going with you, that's final! Oh, oh.
BBBikini Bottom Jail Guard
Talking to inanimate objects again, huh, Puff? Hmph. Get back to your cell. No more kitchen time for you.
PGPrison Guard No. 1
What the barnacle is going on?!
Get away from me! Get away!
PGPrison Guard No. 1
What are you talking about, Puff?
You can't fool me. You're SpongeBob and that guy who likes the chili. [rips off the guards' faces]
PGPrison Guard No. 1
Let's face it, Puff. You've gone off the deep end.
[Scene cuts to a second guard throwing Mrs. Puff, who is in a straitjacket, in a small, yellow square room]
PGPrison Guard No. 2
Get in there, you! You need a nice long stay in solitary confinement! [slams the door, which makes a squeaking sound]
Oh, well. Let's look at the positives again. I'm finally away from those two. Yes. All alone in my nice, soft room.
Made of sponge! [laughs. The room is made of yellow sponge as SpongeBob's face appears on all sides of the wall. Mrs. Puff shrieks; the scene suddenly changes back to her hollering from SpongeBob's failed driving test]
MOfficer Malley (Green)
Freeze! Your joyride's over, punk. [police officers walk over]
No! What? [policemen arrest SpongeBob this time, because he now failed the driving test] Huh? What?
No. No! What are you doing? Help! Help! [As the officers carry him to the jail vehicle, he kicks his legs.] No, no, please! No! I have a snail to feed. I can't go to jail now. This is not a good time. No, please, please! I'm not a criminal! [They throw him into the back of the police car, then drives off to jail]
I can't believe it. It was all a dream. I'm not going to jail!
MOfficer Malley (Orange)
Why would you go to jail? You already did your time. [zoom out to reveal Mrs. Puff wearing prison striped clothes of black and white with a prison ball chained to her ankle. She squeals as the scene goes back to her hollering while the boat is in mid-air again as she's driving it with the police behind her]
Huh? Oh... it's just my imagination again. [zooms out to show Donna driving the boat]
DDonna
So, what's for dinner tonight, Puff Mama, chili? [Mrs. Puff hollers again as the scene goes back to her final hollering with SpongeBob driving the boat in mid-air one last time, but without the police cars behind them]
Huh? What? Huh? Ah, forget it. [the episode ends]
This is serious, SpongeBob. Someone’s after me, I think I better leave town.
Patrick, I threw it, we’re having a snowball fight, don’t you get it?
Snowball fight? I wanna play, I wanna play!
That looks like a toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!
That ain't no toilet plunger! This here's an antique! It's, um...uh... [turns the rubber part of the plunger upside-down] ...A 17th-century soup ladle, see?
Wow, was I using mine wrong! How much?
Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.
Barnacles! I'll never find-- [sees the tombstone and it shows his real name, Smitty Werben Man Jensen] The grave! Am I really going to defile this grave for money? Of course I am! [digs and hits something] Jackpot! [opens up the coffin] Ooh. It's beautiful. Come to papa. [takes the head off with the hat on] Hey, come on, Smitty, let go! [takes his head off] Rest in pieces, Smitty. [jumps out of the hole] I got the million dollar hat.
[lightning and thunder booms. Smitty stands up from his grave with his head in one hand]
SSmitty
Hey, man, that's my hat. Give it back.
What? No way. Just crawl back into your hole, bone boy. Go ahead, play dead.
SSmitty
I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you.
Yeah, right. You and what army? [But then, the skeleton zombie army came with an eerie moaning]
SSmitty
Only the army of the living dead. [all the other dead bodies are walking towards Mr. Krabs]
[scared] Oh, no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
SSmitty
That's disgusting. We just want the hat back.
No flipping way! [takes the head of a swordfish and uses it as a sword] Back off! Back off, I say!
SSmitty
Attack. [the skeleton zombies ready to draw their weapons]
Tallyho! [sword fights a few zombies] Look at me, I'm Errol Fin! [chops up more bodies] You're falling apart, marrow brain! You must be kidding. [sword fights them] Back to oblivion! [jumps over a group of zombies] Oh, ho! How's your sister? All right, boneheads. Playtime's over. Yee-hoo! Ha-ha! [twirls around and destroys more of the skeleton zombies in the morning Mr. Krabs finishes destroying all the skeleton zombies and runs out of the cemetery] Wa-ha! A million dollars. I've got a million dollars! [runs back to his curio stand where the fish are talking altogether at once] Oh, there you are. Well, I got it. The rare novelty soda drinking hat. Let's start the bidding at one million dollars! [all of the fish look at each other and then laugh]
Yeah, you want that all at once?
F3Fish #3
One million dollars. You gotta be kidding!
Hey! The poor sap's not kidding. Didn't you hear? They found a whole warehouse full of them. THEY'RE WORTHLESS! [the camera goes to a bunch of soda drinking hats are in the dumpster. The fish crack up laughing. SpongeBob walks by with a hat that has clapping hands on the top of it]
Let's give Mr. Krabs a big hand. [laughs]
Now that's worth a million dollars. [SpongeBob laughs again and he leaves the background. Nat runs after him and the other fish follow] Hey, kid, wait up!
F2Fish #2
I saw him first!
F3Fish #3
I'll give you one billion dollars!
[Fred rows his row-boat along the ground to chase SpongeBob]
Well, that's a spirit breaker. [throws the soda drinking hat away and breaks down sobbing]
[walks by with flowers in hand] What a baby. [walks off and the episode ends]
Anyway, I just want you to know, if you ever get in trouble, come find me. I'll take care of you. 'Cause you and me, we're like brothers. Only closer...
[He lifts Squidward's shirt to reveal their conjoined hearts; Squidward screams]
[to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, that reminds me. There's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye... Next time you'll see me, this town will be eating from the palm of my hands.
[now broke, inside the cardboard box; holding a cup] Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?
