[picks up a cookie, secretly given to him by Plankton, opens it, and starts reading the fortune] "Unless you give a tiny copepod the Krabby Patty secret formula, you will die?!"
[opera voice] Hello! [normal voice] Did someone say copepod?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream when they see who it is, and starts and they both run with fear to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob locks the door and Mr. Krabs puts a plank of wood in a holder in front of the door]
Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene. I'll come back later, ciao!
[nervously speaking] J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?
If the cookie says it's true, then it's true. Horribly, terribly, truthfully, true! [begins to cry]
"You will die." [the word "die" echoes in his head three times, leading to a vision of Mr. Krabs' funeral service]
[sobbing] Oh, I'll miss you, daddy! [continues sobbing then she takes his wallet] But I really can't wait to spend your hard-earned money on shoes! [laughs and runs away]
[wakes up in his coffin] Me money!
Mr. Krabs! No! [cries some tears and fills up Mr. Krabs' coffin, causing him to float out of the coffin and hits his head on the floor. The vision ends]
Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs, it's time. [SpongeBob's arm breaks off while holding on to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets scared as SpongeBob appears on his other side] It's time to give up the secret formula to Plankton! [attaches his left arm back into his body] Because your life is worth more than some scrap of paper in a bottle.
You're right, me boy-o, [heads toward his safe] I've got to face me fortune. [takes the secret formula out of the safe]
I guess I didn't really think that through.
I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Plankton.
Oh, yeah?! What are you going to do about it, Eugene?
Nothing, Sheldon. [holds a fortune cookie] Here, have a fortune cookie. [gives Plankton the fortune cookie]
[opens fortune cookie and starts reading the fortune teller] Eh. "You will go on a long voyage where you will get everything you deserve." [gets picked up by Mr. Krabs] Hey!
[the ending follows to a Chinese restaurant where Plankton pops out of a fortune cookie and is avoiding the chopsticks.]
Ahh! Hey! [gets grabbed by the chopsticks] Ooh! Mommy! [a chomping noise is heard]
Hold on! I got this! [pokes the tree with his umbrella, but much to his horror, the tree cracks, loses its leaves and inexplicably dies]
[SpongeBob and Patrick scream]
Oh no! Patrick, we have to do something! Sandy'll never forgive us if we ruined her tree!
And I'll never forgive her if she runs out of Nutty Butter!
Positions everyone! [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows] Aww. Hey, little fella. [thinks the snail was harmless and friendly, but to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty]
SPSpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward
THE PATTY!
[The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty]
[Panics and runs around] Oh, what are we gonna do?!
Don't eat my patty! [grabs Squidward and throws him in the air]
[Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty]
Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!
Pen Pal, this one's for you. [SpongeBob's plane drives down the runway and slowly begins to take off. SpongeBob pulls down the lever and the plane starts to fly. The audience cheers in astonishment.] Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw! [Suddenly, to SpongeBob's surprise, Patrick is running on the runway below him.]
Hey, SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!
Patrick? You're Pen Pal?!
But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!
Dying? Oh, oh! You didn't read the whole letter!
[pulls out the letter] See? It says, "I wish I could watch you fly because I am dying!"
[pulls out his second letter] And here's the second page: "...to see you as a real pilot, SpongeBob! Here are some other things I like to see: candy rain, a firetruck full of clowns, and... a bunch of other stuff."
It all makes sense now! [laughs] Oh, Patrick! [laughs]
[laughs as his letter slips off his hands] You thought I was dying!
[Gary answers the door and sees Plankton in the disguise as a salesman. Plankton gently pets Gary, but Gary growls angrily at him]
Why, hey there, little fella! Is SpongeBob... [clears throat] I mean your master at home? [Plankton's fake ear slips, but he pushes it back] Eh, perhaps I could just come inside for a minute and demonstrate our fine snail products. [opens his case and shows snail care products] Shell polish, slime deodorant, chew toys...
Meow! [Gary slams the door on Plankton, breaking off part of his disguise]
[Patrick comes with a yellow balloon and is still riding the skateboard upside down]
Hey, Patrick. Have you noticed that everyone's acting a lot like you today?
[eats the balloon and it pops inside his mouth which deflates his head. He lifts his head up] I don't understand the question. [leaves and continues riding the skateboard upside down]
Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.
Well, boy-yo, you believed in me. So, today will be a payday for you.
You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from payday to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! [laughs]
[The episode ends with Squidward and the customers pulling the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs sit on the roof]
HEY! Where do you think you're going, chum chewer? [grabs Squidward and holds him up.
[Patrick and SpongeBob are angry at Squidward for what he tried to do]
Hey, come on! This is just a big misunderstanding! Ferry, fairy: They're two different words that just happen to sound alike!
[holds up a bucket of chum meat] Open wide, Squidward!
[Squidward's teeth scream and they jump out of his mouth. Squidward's teeth go into the water and swim towards the Tooth Ferry, ending the episode]
[someone knocks on the door. Goes towards the front door and opens it to see that nobody is there.] Hello. Hmm. That's odd. I could've sworn I heard a knock at the door. [Two fish dressed in hot dog costumes puts him between two big buns. SpongeBob yells while being muffled]
[The Hot Dog Minions takes him to "Weenie Hut" where Mr. Weiner handcuffs SpongeBob's right hand to pipe and SpongeBob's left hand to hot dog tongs]
WMr. Weiner
Congratulations, SpongeBob, you've been promoted.
WMr. Weiner
That's mustard under the bun, my boy. The important thing is my customers love your little sliders. [shows "Weenie Patty"] Now get to work!
[raises handcuffed hand] I'm pretty sure this is illegal. What am I gonna do now?
PPPizza Pete
[from the background] Pst! [shows him in the shadow] Hey, kid. You need help out of here? [leans out of the shadow]
Pizza Pete! Yes, please. That wiener has me chained to the grill, [Pizza Pete approaches him] and he really seems to be relishing it.
PPPizza Pete
I have something to free you. [yakes pizza sauce out]
Pizza sauce? [Pizza Pete puts the pizza sauce on both handcuffs and he slips them off] I'm free!
PPPizza Pete
Great! Now you can get to my grill. [takes bread stick out]
What? [Pizza Pete ties his hands with the breadstick] Parmesan-crusted breadstick?! [Pizza Pete takes him] Whoa!
WMr. Weiner
[from the kitchen door] Hey! Where are you going with my fry cook?!
[Cuts SpongeBob being carried by Pizza Pete and screaming]
NNoodleman
[swipes SpongeBob with a pair of giant chopsticks and laughs while being on a roof] I'll take one fry-cook to go! [jumps off the roof and laughs again after landing. Señor Taco opens the door next to him and sends him away]
[lands] Oh, thank you, Señor Tac-! [Señor Taco grabs him with his suit] Oh, no! Not you too! Ahhhh!
PPPizza Pete, Mr. Weiner, and Noodleman
[Señor Taco runs into them] Get him! [they jump on Señor Taco]
[Fight starts and smoke covers the screen that soon disappears to show all four of them stretching SpongeBob by pulling each of his limbs]
STSenor Taco
I was here first!
[Scene expands to show someone in a Krabby Patty costume on the roof.]
KPKrabby Patty Man
Stop! Unhand that sponge! [Jumps on Pizza Pete and punches him away. Takes Señor Taco and destroys his costume by gobbling it. Señor Taco runs away embarrassed.]
NNoodleman
[drops SpongeBob] It's the Killer Patty! [gets noodles squeezed out of his costume by Krabby Patty Man, Noodleman pops up from the noodles]
WMr. Weiner
[Krabby Patty Man walks towards him and he drops SpongeBob before he gets to him] Here, take him! Just don't hurt me. [Whimpers with eyes closed. Opens eyes to see that Krabby Patty Man is gone and sighs. Starts humming while crossing the street and is hit by a bus] Aah!
[The scene changes to show SpongeBob waking up]
[opens eyes] Krabby Patty! You saved me!
