TV show quotes
If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime.
[They slam the jail door on SpongeBob and Patrick; two seconds later...]
Okay, time's up. [reopens the cell] Now get out!
But... we stole a balloon.
Yeah, on Free Balloon Day!
[The officers laugh as SpongeBob and Patrick stare surprised.]
How about some lollipops for the road, boys? [gives 2 lollipops]
Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.
You said it! [the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?
[They laugh; cuts to the island at night]
...I mean it.
Carefully... carefully? [Patrick smacks him]
Come on, do it! I'm freezing here!
Pat, no! [Patrick rips a patch of Sandy's fur off with the tape, leaving a patch of bare skin. Sandy roars and goes back to sleep, SpongeBob sighs in relief] Pat, are you crazy? [He sees that Patrick has placed the fur on his forehead]
No. I'm warm.
Let me see that roll of tape.
You said it!
Oh, look, it's SpongeBob and Patrick! [With that, SpongeBob and Patrick go crazy trying to open the door. Patrick screams. Sandy walks over, completely hairless and in her bikini]
Hey, guys! [They climb off the door] [She sees all the different fur assortments the two are wearing. She looks down at her bald pink body and screams in horror.]
It's okay, Sandy. Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals. [Patrick removes the furry piece from his forehead, smiling fearfully. Sandy is really tickled off now.]
[growling with fury] SpongeBob! Patrick!
Don't worry, Sandy. We've got you covered.
[He giggles nervously. Cut to Sandy's arm pouring some lemonade, she giggles]
[giggles] More lemonade, boys? [pan out to see that Patrick is curled around Sandy's head and SpongeBob around Sandy's body as punishment for ripping her fur to keep them warm, in order to cover up her bald pink hide and keep her warm until her fur grows back. The two take a glass.]
Thanks, Sandy.
Spring sure is lovely.
Would it be all right if Gary and I did some laundry over here?
Laundry? But we used to do laundry!
And, uh... SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?
[on the verge of breaking down] Soap? But we used to use soap! [holds up two different types of soap] Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du...
Here it comes...
[breaks out in a fountain of tears, each falling into the separate soapboxes and lathering them up in his hand] GARY, PLEASE COME BACK GARY! GARY, PLEASE COME HOME! I'M A WRECK WITHOUT YOU! [stops crying] I know! If you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want! [runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously] If you feel like ripping the sofa, then you rip it up! [runs up to the litter box] And the litter box? Forget about it! [he dumps the litter on his head] The world is your litter box! [he runs to the fridge and opens it] And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! [he takes a milk carton and drinks it] And you don't even have to use a bowl! [he runs to a giant carving of Squidward] And I know how much you like my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. [scratches at it] Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? [we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart]
How pathetic.
Gary? [the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room]
[patronisingly] I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. [he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine; Gary crawls in after them] It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me. Right, Gary? [Gary does not answer] Huh?
[The two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts and crunching on something.]
He only liked me for my shorts!
No, Patrick! He wanted the cookie in your pocket!
[Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes it, pops out of the machine, and crawls back to SpongeBob]
Meow.
Gary? [Gary burps and happily meows] Whee! [hugs Gary] Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aww... [giggles, he takes his leash] Let's go for a walk, pal! [the two walk out of the house]
[left alone heartbroken and devastated] Gary? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...!!! [the episode ends]
Okay, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?
Six.
Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?
Six.
[raising arms slowly] Whoo.
Hundred. [SpongeBob stops]
What?
600. You need 600 to pass. You got six.
Don't worry. I'll be all right, Mrs. Puff. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year! [he slams his fist down, which causes a piece of the motor to fly upward] Well, see you next Tuesday! [SpongeBob walks off and the piece crashes on Mrs. Puff. She inflates like she always does when SpongeBob crashes. SpongeBob runs out to his unicycle-like bike] Yeah! [singing] I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year. [goes around in circles on his bike] One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year! [Mrs. Puff looks on, still inflated]
[thinking] Oh, Neptune. Another year with him! Barnacles! Dirty barnacles! I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole! [starts to talk, when she does, she deflates to her normal size] ♪ Extra crediiiiit! ♪
What was that, Mrs. Puff? [Mrs. Puff runs over and shakes him in joy]
Extra credit, SpongeBob! The extra credit! [laughing wildly] I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance.
[muffled] What's extra credit?
It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before.
[singing] ♪ Oh… ♪
Hey! I'm driving! [the two notice each other and scream loudly. Mrs. Puff skids off the road for a bit, then returns to normal. SpongeBob jumps up] Who are you and what are you doing with my boat? And why are you wearing that ski mask?! Because you're not skiing! Oh, my gosh, I know who you are!
[While Running and hanging on To the stolen boat Mrs. Puff is driving.] I'm... not... letting... go! Nothing will stop me! Not even- [Gasps as he sees the sign that reads...] Giant clams!?
[Gets dragged through the field of clams causing him to miss some pieces while still hanging on to the boat.]
I'm... not... letting... go... even for... [Gasps again as he sees another sign that reads...] Cheese graters!? [skids through the graters thus appearing as nothing but the 4 Yellow Sponge strands with arms While still hanging on to the boat.] If you think I'll let go for a little... [approaches the most worst sign of them all that reads...]
Spongebob: EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION!? OH NO!!!
[Mrs Puffs hears SpongeBob scream off-screen.]
But Kevin, I was your biggest fan.
So were they. [points down to some fans he has managed to get rid of, trapped at the bottom of the ledge at a campfire]
Hey, look everyone! Kevin's back! [they cheer]
I'm a squirrel. See? [points to the acorn logo on her suit]
I thought that meant you were nuts.
Nope. It means I'm a natural born climber! I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing like growing up on good old dry land.
Neptune preserve her!
How long can she stay like that?
I don't know.
Sandy's a girl?
Wow, Sandy. You sure provided us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. [bubbles rise from Sandy's lips] At least until they need to breathe... [he, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs chuckle while Sandy angrily squints one eye at them] Yep, won't be long now.
[starts struggling to hold her breath] Mm?
Feeling lightheaded yet?
[shakes her head] Uh-uh.
Remember this? [takes a deep breath in and out. Sandy is seen sweating profusely]
It's free! [also takes a deep breath in and out]
Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes?
[holding and eating popcorn] Hey, we are not chicken! [drops his popcorn] Huh! My popcorn! [begins pecking at it like a chicken]
Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. [looks at the water's surface and pokes his finger above the water] There! Mission accomplished!
Look, unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
No way, San-day. We can take on your challenge.
Yeah!
We're sea creatures!
Yeah!
Okay. Well, this is it.
Wait, boy! [gives him a glass of water] Make it last.
[drinks from it] Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay. Here I go! [the scene changes to live action as he gasps out of the water. He is now a real yellow kitchen sponge on a stick] Hey, this isn't so bad! We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine!
I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! [jumps out of the water. He is now a real pink starfish, missing his trunks, on a stick] Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
All right, Pat! You made it! Come on up, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
All ashore that's going ashore, Mr. Squidward! Land ho! [runs up. He is a red rubber toy crab on a stick]
Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
Yeah! Yeah, whoo-hoo!
Come on, Squidward! You're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
[chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
Well, l'll do it, but I won’t like it. [walks up. He is a puppet octopus with his eyes and big nose. All stop chanting] What?
Well, here we are! [all four are walking on the island]
This is pretty easy!
I may keep a second rock up here!
Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad!
We're the masters of land and sea! [a string puppet seagull lands in front of him] Hey, it's a local. Hi! We're from underwater! Do you know Sandy Cheeks? [the seagull looks at screen]
Three, two, one. Well, tan my fur! They made it! Better go congratulate them! [walks onto the island. She is now a real plush squirrel toy with a small, round plastic helmet on her head] SpongeBob? Patrick? Hmm, where do those critters get to? [sees the seagulls attacking all four of them; one of them is trying to eat Patrick, while the other is chasing SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward] [gasps] Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! Hiyah! [attacks the birds offscreen and feathers start flying. All five sink back down to the seabed, with Squidward upside-down]
Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
You know, everyone's best at things.
But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy.
Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob.
Three cheers for feeling sorry for us! Hip hip...
Hooray!
Hip hip...
Hooray!
Hip hip...
[lying injured on the island with their feathers missing] Hooray!
What's wrong with Clamu?
Easy, girl! It's me, Joe! Remember?
[Clamu snarls as if it sounds like a belch and uses her tongue to throw Joe out of Oyster Stadium. Patrick and a nervous SpongeBob wait at the stands]
Now, this is a show!
[Outside...]
Attention, zoo patrons! Clamu, the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. [everybody does that] Thanks for coming.
[In the stadium, Clamu is still smashing things and making snarling belch noises. The zoo worker goes up to SpongeBob and Patrick]
You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionalm ppppply disturbed oyster. [points at SpongeBob] You didn't do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?
Uh...
No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?
[hides the peanut bag] Right. [lets out a nervous shriek]
[Clamu chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo]
If I saw that guy, I'd have a few choice words for him. Like "you" and "are", and..."a jerk"!
Aw, what am I getting so worked up about? I'm sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory. [giggles]
This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot, and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. [zoom in on Patrick seemingly licking SpongeBob's head. Zoom out to reveal that he is actually licking a yellow ice cream pop] Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow Popsicle hits the spot.
Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. [rips off Mr. Krabs' clothes by accident] Behold! [the crowd gets disgusted] Wait a minute... [reveals Clamu's pearl] Behold! The oyster's pearl! [the crowd gasps in shock; the zoo worker then gives the pearl to Clamu] Here you go, girl.
[Clamu sniffs her pearl and the crowd cheers. But suddenly, the pearl starts to crack. And to everyone's amazement, it hatches into a baby oyster]
Mama. Mama.
Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg!
Mama.
[The baby oyster and Clamu embrace each other]
Awww... [they glare at Mr. Krabs]
But it's Free Day!
[The crowd boos as they throw peanuts at Mr. Krabs, burying him, thus ending the episode]
[to telephone] No, not now! Don't call 'til I tell you to! Roll the cartoon! Now, remember to vote at the end because...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
