South Park quotes

Kenny deserves to know, fellas. If you guys found out my girlfriend was a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me.

Cartman

Kenny, you're gonna let a girl put her mouth on your wiener? Do you know how disgusting that is? Girls' mouths are full of germs!

Cartman

Just because you have condoms doesn't mean you're safe, Kenny! Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman! And you're gonna let that near your penis?!

Kenny

Yep! Woohoo!

Butters

A ring that says you’d be together but not have sex. Isn't that called a wedding ring?

I'm ready to get it on/But there's no getting on 'til I'm ready/It's too soon, slow down/Take it easy girl, I need your love, baby/I can't wait 'til the day I kiss you/Until then I have to diss you/'Cuz my mom doesn't like it when I'm naughty/She'll make me clean my room if I'm naughty/Baby/I'm hot.

Tell me how I was to know/You would take your love and go?/Was it 'cuz I wanted to wait 'til we were married to put my arm around you?/The seasons change, baby, and the world goes round and round and round.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take my time, can't wait 'til you are mine, but it might be a while/Yeah, yeah, girl we can take it slow, so we have room to grow/And in time, we can do it all/Until then, go back to Montreal/'Cuz I still love you, baby/Love you, baby/Bay-bay.

Cartman

Well, well, well, here he comes, it's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.

I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do/Can't just do whatever I feel like, I've got to stay righteous and true/I can't hang out with my buddies and get into trouble/'Cuz now we're both wearing these rings for each other/But who needs sex and drugs and partying when we can cook a meal and sit around and watch Netflix?/Baby/I've got a ring on my finger to remind me that I must behave/No need to chase after girls, that's a promise I can never break/I've made a commitment and it is forever/So we can spend every waking minute together/And if we get bored it won't be a problem/'Cuz we can just hang out with other couples who have these rings/Bay-bay.

Look, we just want our concerts to be about our music and not about purity rings.

Oh gosh, fellas, let me explain this to ya one more time. You have to wear the purity rings, 'cause that's how we can sell sex to little girls, ha-ha. See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, then you have to wear purity rings or else Disney Company looks baaad, ha-ha.

But we don't wanna be selling sex to little girls any more!

The rings stay on!

Well, well, maybe we'll just refuse to go on stage!

You don't... fucking... talk to me... like that, ha-ha! You little... piece of... shit, ha-ha! [Joe lies on the ground, coughing up blood] Get the fuck up. Get the fuck up! Ha-ha. [Nick and Kevin help Joe to his feet] Now, do we have a problem? Ha-ha.

No, sir.

No, Mr. Mouse.

[whimpering] No, Mr. Mouse.

Oh, that's good, 'cause I thought we had a problem for a minute there, ha-ha! [heads for the door] Alright now, get out there and make me some goddamn money! Ha-ha. [slams the door behind him, causing a picture of the Jonas Brothers to fall and shatter]

That's great, boys. You like taking the Jonas Brothers' hot foam in your faces, girls?

You three faggots are going on stage, and [points at Stan, Kyle and Cartman] YOU three faggots aren't gonna stop me! Nobody is ruining this event!! Ha-ha. I've worked too long and too hard to have anybody fuck this up! [Kyle turns up the microphone, causing the audience to hear Mickey's voice; they stop cheering] Where would you be without me, Jonas Brothers? Ha-ha. Your music sucks and you know it! Ha-ha. It's because you make little girl's gineys tickle! And when little girl's gineys tickle, I make money! Ha-ha. And that's because little girls are fucking stupid! Ha-ha. And the purity rings make it okay to do whatever I want! Ha-ha. Even the Christians are too fucking stupid to figure out I'm selling sex to their daughters! I've made billions off of Christian ignorance for decades now, ha-ha! And do you know why? [Cartman presses the curtain control button, raising the curtain] BECAUSE CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDED! Ha-ha. They believe in a talking dead guy! Ha-ha. [realizes the curtain is up; turns and faces the audience, embarrassed] Ohhh. Ha-ha. Hello, folks.

BOOOOO!!!

Now, now, take it easy, ha-ha. Here's the Jonas Brothers.

Come on, guys. [they turn and walk offstage]

No! Stop! Bring them back here!

It's over, Mr. Mouse. Everyone's tuning out.

NO!!! NO, GODDAMNIT!!! NO!!! [all the while, the audience continue to boo] SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!

That's it, girls; no more Disney TV for a while.

Tom, the Disney Jonas Brothers 3D television special has failed, costing the Disney company millions, and once again Mickey is pissed off and throwing a fit.

[hovering over the rampage-destroyed street as large as a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloon] VENGEANCE IS MINE! YOU ARE ALL ANTS AND I AM YOUR DESTROYER! Ha-ha. [blows fire, killing every person in his path]

The Disney purity ring venture will most likely now prove a marketing bust, as Mickey returns to Valhalla to slumber and feed.

Let's take off these rings, Ken! Let's take them off and just be kids again! There will be plenty of time to wear rings and be boring and lame when we reach our mid-30s and will be boring and lame anyway!

Cartman

I told him. A woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place on Earth, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said.

Kyle

Well, now we know.

Cartman

And knowing is half the battle.