EGEV Games Employee
[to Cartman] Look, kid, for the 40th time: pacing in front of the store isn't going to make the Wii come any faster.
S10 E12Go God Go
And if I'm a monkey, then I might as well act like a monkey, huh? [starts acting like a monkey, then pulls down her pants and starts pooping into her hand]
RDRichard Dawkins
What on Earth are you doing?
Don't ask me, I'm a fucking monkey! [throws feces at Dawkins's face]
S10 E13Go God Go XII
UAUnited Atheist League member
Our answer to the Great Question is the only logical one. Our Science is great. Let us not forget the great Richard Dawkins who finally freed the world of religion long ago. Dawkins knew that logic and reason were the way of the future, but it wasn't until he met his beautiful wife that he learned using logic and reason isn't enough. You have to be a dick to everyone who doesn't think like you.
Science damn it!
[Richard Dawkins runs out of Mrs. Garrison's house after discovering she is a post-op trans woman]
Fine then! Go ahead and leave, you atheist faggot! Have fun mocking God in hell, you queer!
K1K-10
Bark-bark. Hello, Eric, I have missed you.
Suck my balls, K-10. I'm not in the mood.
WOThe Wise One
Maybe some otters do need to believe in something. Who knows, maybe just believing in God...makes God exist. [thoughtful, solemn pause]
SOSea Otters
Kill the Wise One! KILL THE WISE ONE!
[The Wise One is slaughtered by a mob of otters]
SOSea Otter (Leader of Allied Atheist Alliance)
Kill the table-eaters, IN THE NAME OF ALMIGHTY SCIENCE!
CClerk
Hey kid, somebody's on the phone for you.
Hello?
CCartman (2546)
[on phone] Hello? Hello?
[cut to 2546, where Cartman and others are floating on purple bubbles, while using the Crank Prank Time Phone]
CCartman (2546)
I know what you're thinking! Do not do it! You just need to be patient and wait for two months. Do you hear me?
[back to 2006, Cartman is now reluctant]
Aw, suck my balls, Kyle. [ends call, gives phone back to clerk and leaves]
S10 E14Stanley's Cup
[the county official takes out a record player and it begins playing a bass rhythm]
Stan Marsh is a bright young man. He's got a great family, a promising paper route. Only problem is... [record scratch] ...his bike's been impounded! But now, he's about to find out that getting his bike back isn't so easy!
Stan Marsh is a washed-up fourth grader. He's got no job, no bicycle And his only way out is to coach... [record scratch] ...a pee-wee hockey team! And now, he's about to find out that to coach, you've got to grow.
Stan Marsh is always lived a carefree life. But in the blink of an eye, what seemed important before can all be put in prospective. Stan Marsh is...bumming on Cancer.
N8Number 8
Coach, I have to go potty!
Alright, fine, go ahead.
N8Number 8
By myself?
Just hold it a while, okay?
N7Number 7
What does "passing" mean?
When you shoot the puck to another player!
N1Number 15
My mommy says I'm as big as the sky!
N3Number 3
Coach, Morgan spit on my foot!
N6Number 6 (Morgan)
I did NOT!
Alright, alright! SHUT UP!
N6Number 6
Coach, please don't let us lose to Adams County. My daddy will beat me again.
Your mother's been worried sick! And I've been watching TV.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.