God dammit, we need to get to the new Prime Minister, now!
Oh yeah, the new Prime Minister, eh? He sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland. Life just hasn't been the same since he made sodomy illegal.
S7 E15It's Christmas in Canada
Can we just get going please?
Yeah sure, there's just one problem.
What?
You folks are going the wrong way.
What?! But I thought there was only one road in Canada!
Yeah, and you all went the wrong direction on it.
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
Oh, that's right! Ottawa is that way!
MMime
Of course! Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
It's okay, boys. The power is inside us to get to Ottawa! We can wish ourselves there!
MMime
Ah yes! Let's wish ourselves there!
[harps and angelic choir music is heard]
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
Is it working?
Of course, we could always take me boat, aye.
[acting as the Prime Minister of Canada] Uh, don't mind that guy hiding in the spider hole, he's just my friend.
Uh, don't shoot! I want to negotiate! Hey, relax!
[Cartman's watch goes off]
What is that?
It's Christmas. We officially missed it. It's Christmas day and...I'm in Canada.
Well yeah, but I-I got my brother back!
Yeah, you got your brother back, but I didn't get any presents! And what did I tell you, Kyle? [takes off his mittens] I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was going to whoop your ass, didn't I? [takes off his coat, bunches it up, and throws it aside]
Dude, come on.
Well, now you're going to get it, motherfucker! That's right, you and me, right now; we're having it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on!
[Kyle lightly slaps Cartman, causing him to enter a daze; he snaps out of it and wails uncontrollably]
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
RPRick, the Proud Mountie
Hey, come on boys! You can spend Christmas with us, Canada style!
S8 E1Good Times with Weapons
Parents? Parents? [begins a fake sob] OH GOD! [sobs loudly and turns away]
You see, guys? This is why Jews can't be ninjas. They've got no spine.
You don't know anything about Jews, fat boy!
[After Stan's attempt to remove the ninja star]
Stop, dude! You're going to scramble his brain!
Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
[Butters changes into Professor Chaos]
Let's see how you like dealing with me, Ninjas! [laughs evilly]
[he stomps down the stairs while grunting and punches the wall, leaving a huge dent]
SMrs. Stotch
Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?
Yeah, Mom. I'm just going outside for a little while.
SMrs. Stotch
Well could you be a sweetie and take that pie over there to the Thompsons? I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.
[normal voice] Oh, o-o-okay, Mom.
What-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?
We're twice the ninjas you fags are!
We were taking him to the vet until you fracked it all up! Butters!
Was he bleeding?
[uninterested] Yeah, a little. Butters!
Oh, shit. You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
No, dude! You got to help us find him!
To hell with that!
We're in this together, Craig! If Butters tells on us, we're going to tell on you; that's the ninja code!
ASAnimal Shelter Worker
Here you go pup, I've got a sweet dose of murder for ya. [notices the open kennel] What the--? Blast it, he's escaped! [sighs, moves towards another dog] Oh, well, let's murder one of these other dogs.
CChef
Well, you children should be careful with those weapons, you could put somebody's eye out.
Yeah, we know.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.