Oh, we're not really Christian! We're just pretending we are!
Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
S7 E9Christian Rock Hard
Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else--I fear--recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.
[singing]
Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go
My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door
I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just shut off the lights?
[singing]
I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus
I want to feel his salvation all over my face
TRTV Reporter
When asked if MOOP's strike will stop them from illegally downloading music, 1% said "yes". 2% said "no". And, 97% said "Who the heck is MOOP?" Back to you, Tom.
We're not letting you back in our band, Cartman, fuck off!
I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.
You don't know anything about Christianity, Eric.
I know enough to exploit it.
JHJames Hetfield (of Metallica)
We're going to protest until music downloading stops.
Goddammit! [throws his plaque onto the ground, shattering it; the myrrh album falls away]
[Faith + 1's fans are stunned and they gasp]
MCMichael Collins
Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
Who cares?! I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums!
MCMichael Collins
But you spread the Word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
Oh, Fuck Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams in disbelief]
Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Who fucking cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: FUCK JESUS! [people start to scream and run away]
MMan
My ears are bleeding!
Good job, dickhead, you've lost the entire audience!
Oh, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
[Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]
Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]
[pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric. [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone on his knees, face down while he tries to recover from his pain and humiliation. End of episode]
S7 E10Grey Dawn
[yawns] Oh God, memorial services are sooo boring.
[jabs Cartman and says in hushed tones] You insensitive as-hole, Cartman! Nine people died!
Yeah, but like, eight of them were hippies. Mostly hippies go to farmer's markets. Mostly.
It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's way. Why would He allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand, God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple "man walks into a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony and subtle farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got His good laugh and a tragedy such as this will never happen again.
I think old people should have rights, grandpa. I just don't want to die.
Oh, brother. Good job, Dad. Look at you now.
MGrandpa Marsh
Oh, god damn it! Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch!
You just had to be so damn stubborn, didn't you?
MGrandpa Marsh
Now my son is going to talk to me like I'm 12!
We're not treating you like children, Dad, alright. Now I think you owe Mr. Police Officer an apology. Who needs to apologize, hmm? Who's a sorry sorry?
MGrandpa Marsh
Kiss my sagging ass!
The poor kid passes it to the Jew, the Jew shoots. Oh, and the shot is blocked again, proving once and for all that Jews cannot play hockey!
It's not fair! Cartman's fatter than the goal!
I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.
Dad, why is everyone letting the old people do this? Why doesn't somebody stop them?
They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they...get everything done before everyone else is even awake.
They're saying something about taking over the whole country!
Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.
No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?
No, son, we...like to sleep in.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.