The boys are standing off against the Indian casino and their bulldozers about to level South Park. At first, they're on their own, but then they hear some singing in the distance that gets louder and louder - it's the entire adult population of South Park, marching down the street and from up on the rooftops, united to defend their town and defiantly singing "Love is a Battlefield" in a cappella.
CSCitizenry of South Park
We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so lo-o-ong
All of us knowing
Love is a battlefield!
StanThis land is not for sale.
Dammit! I thought you said they were dealt with!
CSChief's assistant
T-they were!
Sorry, charlies! You can just keep your filthy, bastard, Indian money! [tears up a check]
[aside to Garrison] Filthy, bastard, Native American money.
O-oh right, sorry about that!
Goddammit! [throws his plaque onto the ground, shattering it; the myrrh album falls away]
[Faith + 1's fans are stunned and they gasp]
MCMichael Collins
Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
Who cares?! I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums!
MCMichael Collins
But you spread the Word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
Oh, Fuck Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams in disbelief]
Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Who fucking cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: FUCK JESUS! [people start to scream and run away]
MMan
My ears are bleeding!
Good job, dickhead, you've lost the entire audience!
Oh, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
[Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]
Stan
Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]
[pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric. [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone on his knees, face down while he tries to recover from his pain and humiliation. End of episode]
Stan
Dad, why is everyone letting the old people do this? Why doesn't somebody stop them?
They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they...get everything done before everyone else is even awake.
They're saying something about taking over the whole country!
Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.
Stan
No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?
No, son, we...like to sleep in.
Where is Clyde? We are supposed to leave 40 minutes ago.
Well, I think we should be going without him Kyle because it's getting late.
Yeah, screw him. Let's go.
[Doorbell ringing]
Happy Birthday, Kyle. I just came to stop here to you your present.
Hope you have a good one, I'll see you later.
[Cartman stops]
Clyde didn't show. You want to go to Casa Bonita with us?
Clyde didn't show? I can't believe it. Are you sure you told him the right time and everything?
I told him 5:30 and he we got to get going. Are you in?
Well I should be going home to get my no I have everything I need lets go.
Okay, boys, get in the car.
Casa Bonita, here we come.
DMr. Donovan
Hello, everyone. Have any of you seen our son?
Clyde is supposed to go with us to Casa Bonita Tonight.
DMr. Donovan
We know but he hasn't been home since last Night. The police been looking everywhere, but well, thank you. Please let us know if you find out with anything.
Yeah, man That sucks about Clyde. Well, let's get going, shall we.
Nah. Dude, I can't go to a birthday party while Clyde is missing.
Stan
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
Yeah, Yeah. I think you're right but on the other hand I think Clyde would want us to go. You know Clyde.
Nah, I can't. We should help look for him.
Stan
Yeah.
That's very good of you boys. We can postpone Casa Bonita till next Saturday.
Next Saturday?!! I'll never be able to keep Clyde down in the depts of my heart for that long. I sure he shows up he turns up before then.
Stan
Dude we should check over at Stark's pond Clyde always hangs out there.
Yeah and we should try the football field.
OH God damn it. I'm going to try to keep Clyde down in that Bomb Shelter for a whole week.
Wait up, Eric, we need to stay together. (her phone rings) Oh, hold on boys, that's my cell phone. (takes it out of her purse and answers it) Hello? Yes. Oh, that's great! (to the boys) Boys, they found Clyde! (Cartman starts to panic) He's okay!
Stan
I knew he'd turn up.
...yes, Eric Cartman is with us. Why? (she starts to get furious) Oh, really.
Yes, I will certainly let him know! Thank you! (hangs up) Well, it appears that Eric here is responsible for Clyde missing, because HE wanted to go to Casa Bonita.
Eric, the South Park Police are already on their way here to have a little talk with you!
I should have known better! You never cared about my birthday at all!
But I... (turns back and holds Kyle) Stand back!
Stan
Cartman, you don't have to do this.
I am going to Casa Bonita! (the boys hear police sirens)
It's too late, fatass, they'll be here in less than a minute!
Ah...nyah! (throws Kyle and runs inside Casa Bonita in a state of panic) Less than a minute! Less than a minute!
Dude, that new kid is such a douche.
Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
Stan
[unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.
Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that buckskin smirk off his face.
Stan
Alright, I'm going to go kick his leg. [leaves to do so]
Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?
Stan
Oh, brother.
Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!
Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.
Stan
...I don't?
Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
[Gary leaves. Stan just stands and stares in shock at what just happened]
Darn, that kid is cool, huh?
Stan
Hey, Wendy! You're a bitch. Token, [flips him off] right here, buddy.
[Token and Wendy walk off angrily]
Oh, dude. It's good to have you back.
Stan
Yeah, let's play ball.
South Park · 1,569 quotes
