“All About the Mormons?” quotes from South Park

Wow, it seems like I don't have a class full of retards anymore, doesn't it, children?

Kyle

Dude, that new kid is such a douche.

Cartman

Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.

Butters

He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.

Cartman

Go kick his ass, Stan!

Yeah, go kick his ass.

Stan

[unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.

Cartman

Will he bleed? That's all we care about.

Kyle

Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that buckskin smirk off his face.

Yeah, little bitch!

Stan

Alright, I'm going to go kick his leg. [leaves to do so]

Cartman

Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?

Cartman

You were supposed to kick his ass, not lick his butt hole!

And you must be Stan's sister! Oh, I think your brother's the greatest!

My brother is a stupid turd!

Hey, Stan.

Stan

Oh, brother.

Cartman

Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!

Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.

Stan

...I don't?

Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.

Cartman

Darn, that kid is cool, huh?

Let me handle this, Sharon. You got to put these cult people in their place or else they never stop! I'm going to go kick this Mr. Harrison's leg! [exits and slams the door shut, but quickly returns] Is Mr. Harrison...is a...is a white guy, right?