A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Kevin Murphy
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)
[Hefty villain Sidney Chillas invites Phil "Daddy-O" Sandifer to his office to discuss a "business opportunity".]
Let's eat some butter. Gobs of butter. Big handfuls!
[Sidney hands Phil a fake driver's license.]
What's this?
It's made of butter.
[Glen Manning runs to rescue a pilot who crashed near an imminent nuclear bomb test. Joel and the bots pretend to be voices in Glen's head.]
Servo[in Irish accent] Glen, this is your Father O'Malley. Come back, boy! It's not worth it!
[in old lady voice] Glen, this is your 1st-grade teacher. Don't do it.
Glen, this is your mother. If you stop, I'll make your favorite dish.
[The high-energy narrator mentions skiing, but pronounces it "shiing".]
...And "shiing" is the correct pronunciation, they tell us!
Yeah, well, you're full of skit.
. . .
[A few moments later, a title card appears on the screen reading "Cross-country skiing amid scenes of winter magnificence in Canada's snow-covered playgrounds."]
TomSrosh-country shee-ing amid skeens of winter magnifishence in Sanada's shnow-sovered playgrounschs.
It Conquered the World (movie)
[Over drinks, scientist Tom Anderson (Lee Van Cleef) explains the global power shortage to his friend and fellow scientist Paul Nelson.]
I'm sorry, Tom -- I can't bring myself to believe what you're saying.
Then gimme back my cocktail.
It's nothing new. It's been years since anyone's believed me.
Bitter? Oh, a tad.
. . .
[As their wives listen, Dr. Anderson explains to Dr. Nelson about his connection to the alien behind the shortage.]
A personal friend of yours?
Name dropper!
[sarcastically] Real chums.
The days when people made fun of me are over, girl.
You will bow down before me!
[Bueller gestures toward a rack holding three placards that say: "Heard", "Understood", and "Pleasing".]
Now, remember these three points: you must be heard, you must be understood, and you must be pleasing.
Oh, and you must have a wire rack.
[Another speaker mumbles through the side of his mouth while addressing a table of people.]
Funny ting happem up dere 't da station, See, A wash sittin dere waitin' for d'fellas when...
Duh, I was under da bleachers at da ball game, and dat's when da cop chased me 'n' asked me what I was doin'...
I shaid mishter, ah shaid mishter, dis, dis ishn't your seat, see ah' been sittin' here whol' lot longer 'n' you sheem t' think ah have, and...
ServoAh, Garrison Keillor.
[Trapped in the giant "web", a heavyset, dark curly-haired man is attacked by the spider.]
No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him!
ServoWow.
Enjoy! [N]
[Narrator Ted Husing describes animal catcher Ross Allen's current task.]
Well, this is a different assignment, and a true depiction of actually filling an order he recently received.
Kill Colonel Kurtz!
It read: "Want immediately one live bobcat, two cub black bears, and three six-foot diamondback rattlers."
And two hard-boiled eggs.
Honk!
Make that three hard-boiled eggs. [N]
[A bobcat runs up a tree to escape Ross.]
Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?
For voting twice?
Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.
Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!
[it's raining outside of the Satellite and the crew is bored]
Why don't you boys play Hungry Hungry Hippoes?
Oh; we lost all the marbles.
ServoHey, Magic Voice; don't suppose you know where our Mouse Trap game is, do you?
I didn't play with it last.
[sighs] The pieces are missing anyway.
Well, why don't you read a book?
[as he and the Bots scoff and protest] Oh, gag me... no way!
Well, I don't know what you're going to do then. It's Commercial Sign in five seconds.
Maybe we could play some poker.
Poker? What's poker?
[as Joel and the Bots agree on the poker idea] You boys be nice to Gypsy.
[helping instruct Gypsy through the game, whispering] Gypsy, just tell 'em what you want to do and keep your poker face on.
[I'm] in!
Let's see, what to do...
[cheerfully] Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!
[disgusted, after seeing Gypsy's hand] Oh, I fold!
[disappointed] Aw, Gypsy, you wrecked it; you had a great hand!
[Dr. Forrester and Frank argue over who gets to present their invention]
I've just about had enough [out] of you; smart boy.
[defiantly, pulling out a switch-knife] Oh yeah?! I'm gonna cut you, man. I'm gonna cut ya! I'll carve you a second smile, daddy-o!
I don't think so! [the argument starts devolving into conflicting screaming at each other]
Servo[up on the Satellite] What in the sam scratch is goin' on down there?
I dunno, but I don't like it; not one bit.
[Confused about a name in the opening credits]
What does "A.S.C." mean?
Servo"A sick cookie".
Oh.
[singing to the background music in the opening credits]
Come on and buy some crap from us
You know that you want to
And the white race will salute you
As you prance and gad about!
Knew your father, I did!
Hey, leave my father out of this!
And your grandfather! And don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam!
ServoYeah, you were the snake!
[Popular high school girl Jeannie approaches Buzz invitingly]
Wanna come? We could dance!
Don't hit me!
No thanks... well... I mean I've got a lot of reading to do. You know, that big history essay...
But that's not due for two weeks!
I know Jeanie... but I...
...I gotta finish my letter to Jodie Foster.
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.