Did you know that everyday someone loses a sale...
CACrow [as Bueller]
...or an arm...
“Earth vs. the Spider” · Season 3
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (8), Professor Bueller (5), Tom Servo (3), Joel Robinson (2)
[Bueller gestures toward a rack holding three placards that say: "Heard", "Understood", and "Pleasing".]
Now, remember these three points: you must be heard, you must be understood, and you must be pleasing.
SAServo [as Bueller]
Oh, and you must have a wire rack.
Do you know...
CACrow [as Bueller]
...that I have little bunnies painted on my knees? I do.
[Bueller shows a clip of a man stammering through a speech, showing us what not to do]
M1Man #1
Well, uh, the fact is, we, uh, we spent, er, many nights in the, uh, um, well...
CACrow [as Man #1]
Uh... er... panties!
[After Bueller's second monologue about "heard," "understood" and "pleasing"]
Now, let's look at another typical example.
[Cut to a young woman giving a speech.]
CACrow [as Bueller]
This man is wearing a push-up bra. Now he is pleasing.
[Another speaker mumbles through the side of his mouth while addressing a table of people.]
M2Man #2
Funny ting happem up dere 't da station, See, A wash sittin dere waitin' for d'fellas when...
CACrow [as Man #2]
Duh, I was under da bleachers at da ball game, and dat's when da cop chased me 'n' asked me what I was doin'...
M2Man #2
I shaid mishter, ah shaid mishter, dis, dis ishn't your seat, see ah' been sittin' here whol' lot longer 'n' you sheem t' think ah have, and...
Ah, Garrison Keillor.
Many of his listeners won't be able to understand him, and those that do...
JAJoel [as Bueller]
...will wish he were dead.
Earth vs. the Spider (movie)
[Trapped in the giant "web", a heavyset, dark curly-haired man is attacked by the spider.]
No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him!
Wow.
CACrow [as Dr. Erhardt]
Enjoy! [N]
[Joel mentions KISS]
CCrow
[sighs] Joel, I hate to break it to you: KISS were NEVER cool!
[The camera pans onto a victim of the spider: a shriveled-up corpse completely drained of blood.]
CCrow
It's Rose Kennedy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.