[Confused about a name in the opening credits]
What does "A.S.C." mean?
"A sick cookie".
Oh.
“War of the Colossal Beast” · Season 3
In this episode: Tom Servo (13), Crow T. Robot (12), Joel Robinson (12), Mr. B Natural (8), Buzz Turner (2)
JSJoel, Servo, Crow
[singing to the background music in the opening credits]
Come on and buy some crap from us
You know that you want to
And the white race will salute you
As you prance and gad about!
[A large, bleacher-like musical staff appears, and an unseen female voice speaks.]
Boy! Am I glad to see you!
CCrow
Well, it's not mutual!
Knew your father, I did!
Hey, leave my father out of this!
And your grandfather! And don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam!
Yeah, you were the snake!
The spirit of music's inside all of you.
CCrow
No, I bathe.
In you... (points to the right while Servo makes missile noises) In you... (points to the left while Servo makes missile noises) In all of you! (Points straightforward while Crow imitates a missile hitting and Joel acts like he's hit)
[At the high school hallway, student Jim shows his new clarinet while Buzz watches.]
JAJoel [as Jim]
Got it from the Franklin Mint!
[Popular high school girl Jeannie approaches Buzz invitingly]
JJeanie
Wanna come? We could dance!
CACrow [as Buzz]
Don't hit me!
BBuzz
No thanks... well... I mean I've got a lot of reading to do. You know, that big history essay...
JJeanie
But that's not due for two weeks!
BBuzz
I know Jeanie... but I...
SAServo [as Buzz]
...I gotta finish my letter to Jodie Foster.
JAJoel [as Buzz]
[in a whiny voice] That hurt. I'm all messed up inside. If only an androgynous man would come and visit me...
Meanwhile, the Midvale police visit his locker. Find out why they call him "Buzz".
Better wait 'til he calls on me, though... 'til he reaches for the spirit!
Yeah, calls for Satan.
[Returning home from school, a dejected Buzz fends off his mother's concern.]
BBuzz
Nah, I better get upstairs, and... do the reading.
BSBuzz's Mother
All right, dear. Oh, and Buzz...?
CACrow [as Buzz's Mother]
This time, don't make so much noise when you "read."
JAJoel [as Buzz's Mother]
Why does my kid have to be such a dud? I was popular!
Whether you know it or not, you sent for me! When you reached down to grab that music, to make yourself feel better, you awakened the spirit of music inside you! That's me, B Natural!
[excited] So I'm attracted to guys now?
[Joel nudges Servo, shaking his head as if to say "stop that!"]
You sing a baby a lullaby, and it coos.
CACrow [as Jerry Lewis]
The lull-a-baby-bye! Oh... go away!
[Mr. B Natural is talking about joining the school band.]
And wait 'til you see the kicks you get out of it, Buzz.
Kicks!
The glamour of the uniform...
Kicks!
The thrill of traveling for a band competition...
The all-night coke jags in cheap motels!
...just like being in a football team, and best of all, Buzz, fun, fun, fun!
CACrow [as Buzz]
Yeah, that's nice... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.