Mr. B Natural quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Boy! Am I glad to see you!

Well, it's not mutual!

Knew your father, I did!

Joel

Hey, leave my father out of this!

And your grandfather! And don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam!

Servo

Yeah, you were the snake!

The spirit of music's inside all of you.

No, I bathe.

In you... (points to the right while Servo makes missile noises) In you... (points to the left while Servo makes missile noises) In all of you! (Points straightforward while Crow imitates a missile hitting and Joel acts like he's hit)

Better wait 'til he calls on me, though... 'til he reaches for the spirit!

Servo

Yeah, calls for Satan.

Whether you know it or not, you sent for me! When you reached down to grab that music, to make yourself feel better, you awakened the spirit of music inside you! That's me, B Natural!

Servo

[excited] So I'm attracted to guys now?

You sing a baby a lullaby, and it coos.

The lull-a-baby-bye! Oh... go away!

And wait 'til you see the kicks you get out of it, Buzz.

Servo

Kicks!

The glamour of the uniform...

Servo

Kicks!

The thrill of traveling for a band competition...

Servo

The all-night coke jags in cheap motels!

...just like being in a football team, and best of all, Buzz, fun, fun, fun!

Yeah, that's nice... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

When you want to show dignity, Buzz, try a French horn!

Joel

Uh, Mr. B, what would you know about dignity?

Mr. B Natural, at your service. The spirit of music, that's me! The spirit of fun in music. And I've been around an awful long time. Knew your father, I did. And your grandmother. And don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam.

She's the devil?

Why, you should know me. The spirit of music's inside all of you. In you...

Peaches.

In you...

Herb...

In all of you!

Where your soul used to be!

I usually hang around on this music staff, but when I get a message for help, I go off to appear before people! Especially young people, when I think I can do 'em some good.

Uh oh, hold on...

Mr. B what?

Natural! Shouldn't be surprised, boy. Whether you know it, or not, you sent for me. When you reached for that music over there to make you feel better, I got your message. You awakened me!

Damn!

You mean you've been hiding here in my room all that time, and I never even noticed?

No boy, I don't mean that! I mean, you awaken the spirit of music inside you! That's me! Your spirit of music! That's my name, boy! B Natural!

This is so complicated.

Look here, I've been visiting an eight-year-old friend of mine who woke me up recently.

Huh?

Talked him into playing the French horn, I did. You should hear him! [imitates a French horn and laughs]

Oh, watch your back, Reggie Watts.

Because he wanted to. He wanted the fun of it. That's why he can play that piece so easy! Wait 'til he grows up and finds out how hard it is. [laughs]

Ha ha ha, then he'll die!

It's because he's young. He's not afraid.

He's foolish! Hee hee hee ha ha!

You like music?

Sure sounds like fun, and I'd like to have some of it too!

Yeah, first taste is free, kid.

[with an armful of groceries] Perkins! Jack? They didn't have those shiitake mushrooms, so I got canned mushrooms, and I didn't know what that basmati rice was, so I got Uncle Ben. [Mr. B Natural suddenly appears] Ah! Who are you what are you doing here what do you want with me?!

I'm Mr. B Natural, and I embody the spirit of music in you and you! Knew your father, I did!

Is it money you want?

Ah, Mr. B Natural, I see you got Frank's invitation!

Brought a Mexican three-layer dip, I did!

Oh, look you two, I am really trying to rule the world before my mother gets here so if you could just- oh just make yourself at home.

Well that will make me feel like a happy king!

Oh boy...

Ah, hello again, America, and welcome to the third installment of my MST marathon. By the end of the day- you see, my mother is coming, and I promised her that I will RULE THE WORLD! AH HA HA HA HA-

Dr. Forrester, taste some of my cornbread stuffing, a recipe given me by the great Jacques Pépin as we were mushrooming and- [is pushed offscreen by Dr. Forrester]

Unfortunately, I've also got to deal with some weird guests that Frank invited before he was subsumed up into heaven whenever the hell that was. So if we're all very lucky, cross our fingers, we won't have anymore uninvited guests. [Pitch suddenly appears]

Hi! Heh heh heh!

Oh, go away!

Oh, but I brought a Mexican three-layer dip, heh heh heh!

Oh, just put it on the bed, I've got important things-

[suddenly appearing] Hi! Would you like to be a happy king?

Ah, Mr. B Natural, allow me to introduce Satan, Pitch, Scratch, Beelzebub, ruler of the domain of never-ending darkness, old gooseberry.

Great! I'm trying to rule the world before my mother gets here, and I've got Satan, I've got some androgynous man-woman, and I've got Peter Graves Jr. in my house!

Hey!

A joke, Perkins. A joke.