AAnnouncer
Where's the third fellow? He's chicken -- never jumped at all.
CACrow [as Announcer]
What's this? He's forced his way into the announcer's booth. What's that in his hand? Oh no! Aah!
[Joel or Servo makes gunshot noises.]
“Teenage Caveman” · Season 3
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (8), Joel Robinson (7), Tom Servo (5), Ted Husing (4), Gypsy (1), Dr. Clayton Forrester (1), Magic Voice (1)
Forget about life-jackets this is The 50's.
Catching Trouble (short)
[Narrator Ted Husing describes animal catcher Ross Allen's current task.]
Well, this is a different assignment, and a true depiction of actually filling an order he recently received.
JAJoel [as Ted Husing]
Kill Colonel Kurtz!
It read: "Want immediately one live bobcat, two cub black bears, and three six-foot diamondback rattlers."
CACrow [as Groucho Marx]
And two hard-boiled eggs.
SAServo [as Harpo Marx]
Honk!
CACrow [as Groucho Marx]
Make that three hard-boiled eggs. [N]
[A bobcat runs up a tree to escape Ross.]
Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?
SAServo [as Husing]
For voting twice?
Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.
CACrow [as Bobcat]
Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!
[Ross finally catches and bags the bobcat.]
Well, it's in the bag! And so Ross Allen fills one third of his day's orders. What's next?
Hurting the people you know and love?
CCrow
Chasing rabbits on a mini-bike until their hearts explode?
Now you've got a boatload of live cargo -- a wildcat, three six-foot rattlers, and a couple of little teddy bears. It seems to me, I'd call it day, or call a taxi, or...
CCrow
...or call PETA!
[Ross is violently manhandling a bear cub]
What I wouldn't give to see that cub's mom show up right about now, huh, guys?
Teenage Caveman (movie)
[A desolate prehistoric valley is shown.]
CCrow
How green was my valley?
Not very.
This script is like a telephone directory!
CCrow
But not as interesting.
[it's raining outside of the Satellite and the crew is bored]
Why don't you boys play Hungry Hungry Hippoes?
Oh; we lost all the marbles.
Hey, Magic Voice; don't suppose you know where our Mouse Trap game is, do you?
I didn't play with it last.
CCrow
[sighs] The pieces are missing anyway.
Well, why don't you read a book?
[as he and the Bots scoff and protest] Oh, gag me... no way!
Well, I don't know what you're going to do then. It's Commercial Sign in five seconds.
Maybe we could play some poker.
Poker? What's poker?
[as Joel and the Bots agree on the poker idea] You boys be nice to Gypsy.
[helping instruct Gypsy through the game, whispering] Gypsy, just tell 'em what you want to do and keep your poker face on.
[I'm] in!
CCrow
Let's see, what to do...
[cheerfully] Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!
CCrow
[disgusted, after seeing Gypsy's hand] Oh, I fold!
[disappointed] Aw, Gypsy, you wrecked it; you had a great hand!
[Dr. Forrester and Frank argue over who gets to present their invention]
I've just about had enough [out] of you; smart boy.
TSTV's Frank
[defiantly, pulling out a switch-knife] Oh yeah?! I'm gonna cut you, man. I'm gonna cut ya! I'll carve you a second smile, daddy-o!
I don't think so! [the argument starts devolving into conflicting screaming at each other]
[up on the Satellite] What in the sam scratch is goin' on down there?
I dunno, but I don't like it; not one bit.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.