Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

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[The narrator is introducing the characters in the film.]

NNarrator

After the time of the Great Forming, there was a time when the world was populated by wild, cruel, and ignorant men.

Servo

Oh, you mean the '80s.

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[Ator is attacked by the same primitive-looking cavemen from the first scene in the movie.]

Oh! These must be the "Cave Dwellers"!

Servo

Yes ladies and gentlemen, thirty-five minutes into the film and we finally have our first plot point!

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[Ator is battling a pathetic-looking snake puppet.]

Hey, it's not slimy at all!

Servo

That's 'cause it's made out of velour.

. . .

Servo

Just cut the wires, Ator!

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[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]

Servo

Oh, come on.

What the…?!

Servo

[laughs]

Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!

Servo

This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so… he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld… all in about five minutes, huh? […] learned aerodynamics…

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[Ator glides over the castle walls, dropping hand-made bombs on the guards.]

Servo

Message for you, sir! Oh, he also made bombs while he was up there.

Looks like he's gonna carpet-bomb.

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[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]

Oh, he's landing in the outback now.

[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]

Uh-- huh?

How'd he do that?

SAServo [as Ator]

How'd I do that?

[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]

Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.

Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.

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[The musicians park their camper by a river. The forest sounds include synthesized musical chirps.]

Servo

Syntho-birds.

Hey, it's a Casio forest.

They parked next to a data stream.

S3 Pod People

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[With Trumpy's help, Tommy sees African-veldt stock footage through his telescope.]

They got Wild Kingdom on the telescope.

. . .

TTommy

You can do magic things!

[Trumpy turns to reveal his eyes blazing with white light.]

CACrow [as Trumpy]

It's called "evil", kid.

Servo

Hey, he's got his high-beams on. Hmm?

He's got Bette Davis eyes.

Orphan Annie eyes.

S3 Pod People

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I can't bring them down! I don't know how it works!

Servo

I'm stuck! I'm stuck! (screams)

. . .

Oh, we've got commercial sign!!

S3 Pod People

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[The letter D (for "Dancing") is represented as a group of children dancing.]

Servo

D is for damned, as in "Village Of".

. . .

CACrow [as dancing boy/Hitler]

You vill dance with me, Eva!

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[L is represented by stock footage of a parade. A large ice cream cone is seen]

Elvis has ordered an ice cream cone.

. . .

[Later, a balloon of an overweight man is shown.]

And there's Elvis now.

. . .

[The same stock footage of the parade, this time featuring nursery rhyme-themed, floats is shown to represent N.]

Servo

[before the narrator can talk] N is for float... huh?

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NNarrator

O is for once...

Servo

"Once"? O is for "Once"? What, was there a writer's strike?

. . .

[The clip is a series of animals plowing a field.]

Servo

O is for the obscene treatment of animals.

. . .

P is for PETA, who's boycotting this. And this. And this.

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NNarrator

X is for Xmas...

Servo

X is for existential dilemma.

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[Upon seeing title of movie]

Daddy-O!

Servo

Must be Harry O's father. Or Wendy O.'s dad.