Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241
Mr. Scott, make an entry in the ship's log. [Servo begins grumbling] ... to the third planet of the Solaris system. As this planet was heretofore unknown... [Joel begins grumbling] ... from this day forward, the third planet of the Solaris system will be known as the blue planet. We designate it planet... Earth.
Oh, come on, who made you God?
Servo[in disbelief] Oh, man evolved from Tang, right. We better get outta here, we'd better go.
That means my great great grandmother was really, really hot!
Was she? You got a picture?
[At Alice Wentworth's wedding, the bride and her maids hear a knock at the door.]
SAServo [as Landshark]
Landshark.
. . .
[Another knock interrupts Alice's talk with her mother.]
JAJoel [as Landshark]
Candygram.
. . .
[The two women hear another knock at the door.]
SAServo [as Landshark]
Pizza delivery.
[Crow and Servo are mulling over the latest issue of Tiger Bot magazine]
Who's the Dream Date this week?
Servo
Let's see... it says- Twiki.
Twiki?! What a coaster; he hasn't worked since Buck Rogers!
Servo
I know; what a putz! [mockingly] Bidi-bidi-bidi; wanna dance, Buck?
That guy couldn't interface without a lode-pan adapter. Such a shrimpy little bot anyway; with those ineffectual arms, and that stupid bubble head, and...
Servo
[offended] Real funny, Crow.
[Paul and Marta are engaged in a passionate embrace on the beach.]
Hey! Is this From Here to Eternity?
Servo
No, it just seems like an eternity.
Hey, why's she wearing a swimsuit with a codpiece?
Servo
Oh, just for the halibut. Heh, sorry.
Stop it, you're giving me a haddock.
Servo
Oh, you're a pain in the bass.
[Shortly before the conclusion, Joel and the Bots discuss the movie.]
Isn't it kind of weird? It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's-- he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay… I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.
Servo
Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts.
[Ro-Man shows signs of weakness before his boss, the Great Guidance.]
GGGreat Guidance
To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man!
SAServo [as Ro-Man]
Me-man?
Yes. [distressed] To be like the hu-man! To laugh… feel… want… Why are these things not in The Plan?!
GGGreat Guidance
You are an extension of the Ro-Men, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now I set you into motion. One -- destroy the girl. Two -- destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you.
JAJoel [as Ro-Man]
Uh, what's number three? Do I get a choice?
SAServo [as Great Guidance]
Do not violate ape law!
[roleplaying as the Great Guidance to Servo] Why not have you yet killed the Hu-Man (Joel)?
Servo
Because he gives me crunchy treats, and he empties my lode-pan.
But he is Hu-Man, and unfit to live!
Servo
But he has a cute butt, and he can drive a stick.
Nevertheless, he- wait a minute, he can drive a stick? N-Nevertheless, he is Hu-Man; YOU are Ro-Man!
[a moment later Joel meets up with the Bots]
Hey Crow, Servo. What's up?
Servo
Your number, I'm afraid! I must kill you, Mr. Bond; I must kill you now- [Joel hits Servo with a collapsible chair in self-defense] Whoa!
(It was) Servo, his reason circuits must've blown out. He tried to kill me!
No, we were just doing a little role-playing!
[after Joel and the Bots have been left delirious by the film and present a "pageant" about the many contradictions of Ro-Man as a character]
We believe these truths to be evident- and obvious.
Servo
Please give to the United Robot College Fund!
Because an internal hard drive is a terrible thing to waste. Think about it, won't you? [addresses Dr. Forrester and Ernhardt] What do you think, sirs?
Could I've sent a crazier guy into space? What in the name of Jules Bergman was that?!
Do you think [Joel]'s had enough up there? I think he snapped.
[Joel and the Bots watch exactly the same opening credits they've seen five times before.]
Servo
It is sort of hypnotic, isn't it?
The Slime People (movie)
[After landing at a deserted L.A. airport, Tom Gregory tries and fails to get an operator on a payphone.]
SAServo [as Gregory]
Maybe I dialed wrong. Let me try again. Let's see… "zero".
CACrow [as Answering Machine]
Hi. This is the human race. We're not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.
[Tolliver, planning a mocking exposé about the slime-people frenzy, leaves the car to find a typewriter in a building.]
TTolliver
Genius waits for no one!
But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings.
. . .
[Finally encountering the slime people, Tolliver returns, cowering in the car.]
TTolliver
I… I've never seen anything like it!
Servo
Even in Tijuana!
. . .
[Cal turns around to avoid a crowd of shambling refugees, who then pursue them.]
Lookit -- they're all on their way to a George Romero film festival!
[As Gregory and Cal search for blonde Bonnie Galbraith in the mist-laden field, Gregory bends down to pick up something.]
GGregory
Look at this. Blonde hair.
Servo
Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat.
[of the fact "The Slime People" ended up getting made at all] The real beauty of this movie is that it actually got made. The guy who made it isn't a fool; he just convinced some people that is was worth making. You know, whether it was a good idea, or it could make money, or it satisfied some bizarre urge in the viewing public.
Servo
Oh, I see; so it's the gullibility of humans that allows things like this to exist!
[Valeria is torturing Jorn with some electrical device, but he refuses to talk.]
VValeria
You leave me no choice. Towque, you ah to leave the poweh station and intewcept the gwoup that appwoaches us. And, when you weach them, the fiwst thing you are to do… is kill the guwl. Do you unduhstand?
VValeria
Do you unduhstand, old man?
Servo
Yeah! It's young girl I don't understand.
VValeria
Yuh doughter will be destwoyed. You will neveh see herw again! Now, do you wish to say anything?
JAJoel [as Jorn]
Yeah. Do you know Elmer Fudd?
VValeria
Vewy well. Towque, go now.
JAJoel [as Jorn]
Uh, what about Barbara Walters, or, uh, Truman Capote? Daffy Duck?
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
