Dr. Ernhardt quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[of Robot Monster] To call this film wretched would be an insult to the word wretched. It stars no-one!

[entering Deep 13; first lines] Clay; Clay, I think I was spotted on my way down here!

Did you wear your disguise?

I was, but I just don't look that good in heels.

No-one must know we're down here doing this!

[meekly] I'm sorry.

Well, I guess that could come in handy; as a molotov cocktail or something...

Joel

[disgusted] You two are unbelievable! You could make Tiddly-winks sound evil!

[calling into the Satellite of Love to address Joel for the Invention Exchange] Come in, Joel; you tree-rotating skanky boy!

[impressed] Not bad; not bad.

We believe these truths to be evident- and obvious.

Servo

Please give to the United Robot College Fund!

Joel

Because an internal hard drive is a terrible thing to waste. Think about it, won't you? [addresses Dr. Forrester and Ernhardt] What do you think, sirs?

Could I've sent a crazier guy into space? What in the name of Jules Bergman was that?!

Do you think [Joel]'s had enough up there? I think he snapped.

[during the Invention Exchange, holding a mound of cotton candy] We came up with cotton candy that screams when you bite it! [to Dr. Forrester] May I?

Enjoy!

[as Ernhardt bites down] Ow! That's my head! Owwww!

Well, what do you think of that?

Joel

[disgusted] You're toying with God's blueprint; that's what I think!

Joel

What happened to you?

We, uh, had a little mishap in the lab this week; we were trying to make a cold fusion Walkman and I don't know what happened; but... well, you can see what happened.

Are you alright, Clay?

[reduced to a talking skeleton in his lab coat] Yes, Larry; remember- it's all in the name of science.

I think the swelling is going down.

Yes; and I think you should file this. [hands Ernhardt paperwork as he walks off, and Forrester addresses Joel once more] Until next time, Mr. Skin on Weiner.

This twisted tornado-wracked pile of stem was a microwave radio relay tower...

Now, it's garbage.

A link in our nation's complex telephone network. Minutes after the tower was felled by a tornado, service was restored by switching calls to alternate routes of the network, but a temporary tower must be erected, and quickly.

Before it kills again.

[adjusting a signal] Take it to the left.

Take it back now, y'all.

Left. Left a little more.

My- My left!

Easy... Whoa! He's right on frequency!

I'm gonna take this energy home and satisfy my wife for a change.

Television programs, telephone calls, and data are going through. This one was for practice...

And gosh darn was it fun!

... for crews like this, the big task is keeping the nation's communications flowing.

Wait, this was practice? Jeff died today!