Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

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[A woman is feeling faint after the giant eyes attacking the observatory have been killed and set ablaze by an air strike.]

MMan

Let's get you outside and have some fresh air!

Servo

I don't think outside is the best place for fresh air right now.

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ABAlan Brooks

[he and Prof. Crevett are discussing the recent string of climbing accidents on the mountain] Where people climb mountains, there are lots of accidents.

PCProf. Crevett

That's true; and sometimes- the bodies- they disappear. But here, the search parties go out, and always they find nothing. Why do you suppose that is?

Servo

[as Brooks] They're not good search parties?

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Servo

Is there a sequel to this movie?

Yeah; The Eye-ger Sanction!

Servo

Starring Burl Eye-ves.

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[Joel chastises the bots for continuous eye puns; however, moments later...]

I spy with my little eye...

Servo

You hypocrite!

S1 The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

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CCCommando Cody

Do you mind telling me why your men are carrying out that campaign of destruction on Earth?

SAServo [as Retik]

It's an election year.

RRetik

Not at all. They are merely softening up your defenses for our impending invasion.

CCCommando Cody

Why do you want to invade the Earth?

RRetik

Because the atmosphere on the Moon has become so thin and dry, it is impossible for us to raise food, except in pressurized greenhouses.

JAJoel [as Cody]

Get a humidifier!

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (movie)

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[Dr. Almada voices-over scenes of the doomed romance between Aztec maiden Xochi and warrior Popoca.]

ADr. Almada

So they decided to run away, even though it was her sacred duty to preserve her maidenhood and be sacrificed to the god Tezcatlipoca.

JAJoel [as Dr. Almada]

The god of decaffeinated coffee.

ADr. Almada

They were discovered by the tribal priests.

[A priest receives a steaming bowl, turning to the restrained Popoca to force-feed him.]

SAServo [as Dr. Almada]

They prepared hearty soups and broths and forced them on their guests, for they truly knew how to handle a hungry man.

S1 The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

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[Joel and the bots succeed in shooing away the Demon Dogs by firing a ball-shaped probe into space for the dogs to fetch]

Alright, they're gone!

Servo

Joel, I don't mean to be a killjoy; but doesn't fetch mean "go get and bring back"?

S1 The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

D'oh!

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Come 'n' listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,

A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.

Then one day, he was shootin' at some food...

[Suddenly, Jed spots Wolfman Petro, who also spies him through the mist.]

[singing] And up from the swamp came a big, ugly dude.

Servo

Wolfman, that is.

Black teeth.

JSJoel, Servo

Gnarled face.

[Petro begins to advance on Jed, who turns and flees.]

Servo

[singing]

S1 Mad Monster

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PFProf. Fitzgerald

[viewing Cameron's lab] You seem to be excellently equipped.

SAServo [as Dr. Cameron]

Thank you! I didn't think you could tell through these trousers.

S1 Mad Monster

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[Running gag: Anytime Lt. Bradley attempts comic relief.]

JSJoel, Servo, and Crow

SHUT UP!!!

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[Tang serenades Linda with music played on a pan-flute]

Now he's going to play the world's most loved melodies, a la Zamfir.

Servo

[as Tang] Get me; I'm the master of the pan-flute!

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[the Asimov doomsday device goes off, but all it does is give the S.o.L. crew labcoats and sideburns]

This cockamamie satellite turned us all into duplicate Isaac Asimovs!

D'you think it's a conspiracy?

Servo

[speaking like Asimov] No; I tackled the 'conspiracy' topic in my volume set on Assassinations and Coups.

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[footage of the planet's volcano erupting plays]

Servo

More stock footage; hit the deck!

Look out, the styrofoam is on fire!