[In a diner, some kids are dancing around a jukebox. The owner of the diner walks up and turns it off.]
OOwner
No dancing, not allowed.
This is just like Footloose.
“The Crawling Hand” · Season 1
In this episode: Joel Robinson (9), Crow T. Robot (6), Tom Servo (2), Paul (1)
[Moments later in the same diner, when Marta is about to say something.]
CACrow [as Owner]
No acting, not allowed.
. . .
[Marta shows her rat in a cage for her science experiment at the diner]
OOwner
No rats.
JAJoel [as Owner]
Unless they're on the menu.
[Paul and Marta are engaged in a passionate embrace on the beach.]
CCrow
Hey! Is this From Here to Eternity?
No, it just seems like an eternity.
[Buxom Marta, changing into her swimsuit behind a rock, loudly converses with Paul on the other side of the rock.]
MMarta
Paul... what does it mean, I'm "stacked"? And you're "not with it"?
PPaul
"Stacked"?
CACrow [as Paul]
"Stacked" means you're really smart.
PPolice Officer
Did you hear anything... footsteps... a door opening?
CACrow [as Officer]
The sound of one hand clapping?
[NASA doctor Weitzberg scans Paul, recovering in the hospital, with a geiger counter.]
WDr. Weitzberg
Not a trace. Not a solitary trace.
Must be a talent meter.
[Stranded and virus-infected astronaut Lockhart begs for NASA scientists to push his capsule's remote self-destruct button]
[as Lockhart/David Bowie] This is Major Tom to Ground Control...
[even later, as Paul attempts to throttle the diner owner while under the hand's influence]
[as Owner] No strangling, not allowed.
[Crow and Servo tell Joel off in that he always wins every game he makes the Bots play- due to their non-functioning arms- and leave him alone]
[addressing Cambot] Cambot, I want you to remind me of something: next time I make a robot, no more free will. That's it; and now we've got commercial sign.
CCrow
Hey, why's she wearing a swimsuit with a codpiece?
Oh, just for the halibut. Heh, sorry.
CCrow
Stop it, you're giving me a haddock.
Oh, you're a pain in the bass.
CCrow
You have no sole.
[as Sheriff Townsend/Skipper to Paul] Where's the little body, little buddy?
CCrow
Let's see... if I were an arm, where would I hide? My sleeve, of course!
CCrow
[later, to Joel] What's buggin' that hand anyway?
Oh, he's got a personal vendetta against anyone with a full body.
[Paul is driving out of town when he gets attacked by the severed hand, perfectly parking the car to a stop without crashing while still fighting the hand off]
See, you can tell it's a low-budget movie because they can't wreck the cars.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.