[Tom sneezes violently]
Bless you!
CCrow
Gesundheit.
You're not supposed to do that...
Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 5 (short)
Robot Monster (movie)
“Robot Monster” · Season 1
In this episode: Joel Robinson (7), Crow T. Robot (4), Tom Servo (4), Ro-Man (4), Dr. Ernhardt (2), Dr. Clayton Forrester (1), Johnny (1)
[Space-helmeted, ape-like alien Ro-Man makes his first viewscreen contact with the last human survivors.]
RMRo-Man
Humans! Listen to me! Due to an error in calculation, there are still a few of you left.
JAJoel [as Ro-Man]
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you.
[After the destruction of the space platform, Ro-Man addresses the human survivors]
RMRo-Man
And now, of the two billion, there are six. Calculate your chances. Negative, negative, negative.
CCrow
He's so negative!
[Shortly before the conclusion, Joel and the Bots discuss the movie.]
Isn't it kind of weird? It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's-- he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay… I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.
Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts.
[Ro-Man clumsily struggles with Alice and Roy.]
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the destroyer of the universe. I rest my case.
[Ro-Man shows signs of weakness before his boss, the Great Guidance.]
GGGreat Guidance
To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man!
SAServo [as Ro-Man]
Me-man?
RMRo-Man
Yes. [distressed] To be like the hu-man! To laugh… feel… want… Why are these things not in The Plan?!
GGGreat Guidance
You are an extension of the Ro-Men, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now I set you into motion. One -- destroy the girl. Two -- destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you.
JAJoel [as Ro-Man]
Uh, what's number three? Do I get a choice?
SAServo [as Great Guidance]
Do not violate ape law!
I think you're just a big bully, picking on people smaller than you are!
[Short pause.]
RMRo-Man
Now I will kill you.
[of Robot Monster] To call this film wretched would be an insult to the word wretched. It stars no-one!
CCrow
[roleplaying as the Great Guidance to Servo] Why not have you yet killed the Hu-Man (Joel)?
Because he gives me crunchy treats, and he empties my lode-pan.
CCrow
But he is Hu-Man, and unfit to live!
But he has a cute butt, and he can drive a stick.
CCrow
Nevertheless, he- wait a minute, he can drive a stick? N-Nevertheless, he is Hu-Man; YOU are Ro-Man!
[a moment later Joel meets up with the Bots]
Hey Crow, Servo. What's up?
Your number, I'm afraid! I must kill you, Mr. Bond; I must kill you now- [Joel hits Servo with a collapsible chair in self-defense] Whoa!
CCrow
Joel; what happened?
(It was) Servo, his reason circuits must've blown out. He tried to kill me!
CCrow
No, we were just doing a little role-playing!
[after Joel and the Bots have been left delirious by the film and present a "pageant" about the many contradictions of Ro-Man as a character]
CCrow
We believe these truths to be evident- and obvious.
Please give to the United Robot College Fund!
Because an internal hard drive is a terrible thing to waste. Think about it, won't you? [addresses Dr. Forrester and Ernhardt] What do you think, sirs?
Could I've sent a crazier guy into space? What in the name of Jules Bergman was that?!
Do you think [Joel]'s had enough up there? I think he snapped.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.