David quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Mr. Scott, make an entry in the ship's log. [Servo begins grumbling] ... to the third planet of the Solaris system. As this planet was heretofore unknown... [Joel begins grumbling] ... from this day forward, the third planet of the Solaris system will be known as the blue planet. We designate it planet... Earth.

Joel

Earth?!

Oh, come on, who made you God?

Servo

[in disbelief] Oh, man evolved from Tang, right. We better get outta here, we'd better go.

Joel

That means my great great grandmother was really, really hot!

Was she? You got a picture?

God help me!

Sorry, Unitarian. According to you, I'm in the butterflies and the sun, and I'm just a vague, benevolent force. [muttering] You're on your own.

[seeking help from a psychic in regards to the monkey] Why do I have to deal with it alone?

Listen to me, David! As a psychic, I have an aura of a certain nature that the demon would unquestionably sense!

Wake up!

The moment I set foot in your house, all hell would break loose, literally!

Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? I don't know anything about evil spirits-

[seemingly agitated] Get that toy out of your house!

You idiot!

I have a feeling that's not going to be so easy to do.

You want some peanuts?

What's that?

It's called a bethogram.

I sense the demon's name is Beth.

This is supposed to protect me from the demon, huh?

Yes, just keep it in your possession at all times.

Great, should I wear garlic around my neck, too?

My God, David!

You moron!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just wish that you could come-

I know! I am sorry! I wish I could do the exorcism for you, but this is something you'll have to do on your own!

Damn it!

And remember David, NEVER let it know!

You stupid bastard! I could stab you in the eyes right now, so help me God!!!

It's terrific to see you.

Even in that color palette.

The two of you together...

And I'm not forgetting you, Danny from the last movie.

[as he and Caroline get into an argument] What's going on here? I only asked you to dance!

You didn't ask me to dance, you told me to dance!

Servo

Crazy on you!

You've got to run the whole show, you panic if you haven't got complete control! It's always the same thing! I've got to the point where I didn't even know what I felt about anything!

I just want to be with you! What's wrong with wanting to be with you, or you wanting to be with me?!

You stifle me! I- I need some space! I need some room! I've gotta make my own decisions! Just leave me alone.

I don't want to leave you alone!

Well, that's a problem I can solve.

Get a second divorce!

A new baby is an exciting addition to the family...

But to keep the balance, someone must go.

He's always asleep.

Joel

Oh, that's what he wants you to think.

When's he ever gonna be any fun?

All he ever does is eat and sleep.

And watch "Meet the Press."