[Speaking to Joseph about Connie]: Oow. She's moody. Must be PBS.
S1 E8Shins of the Father
[to Luanne] You will never know if you are attractive. It's up to a man to tell you that. You keep eating, and I'll tell you when to stop.
[Cotton slaps Luanne's rear end]
Touch me again, and you'll be wearing that cornpone, old man.
Hoo-wee! Fiesty!
S1 E9Peggy the Boggle Champ
Now, Minh, the game of Boggle is really quite simple. The goal is to make words out of these 25 letter cubes. [shakes the tray and slams it on the table] Ho yeah!
[Peggy lifts the cover and the game begins]
MMinh
Ba mee tom yum.
It's gotta be a real word, honey.
Minh Yes! Ba mee tom yum, Thai spicy noodle soup! Tasty and delicious.
I'll tell you, I hate to see Nancy cooped up all Sunday playing that Boggle. It's a beautiful day! She oughta be outside hanging my laundry!
Boy, Aunt Peg, the words I don’t know could fill a dictionary.
You know, the Elks are having a Boggle tournament in order to raise bail money for their treasurer. Maybe you should enter.
Me? Oh, fish, I just play for fun! Minh, you owe me $13.
MMinh
[gives Peggy her money] Thank you for Boggle lesson, Peggy Hill! Maybe next week I teach you mahjong. Bring your checkbook!
Hank, I'm thinking of entering a Boggle tournament over at the Elks.
Hank Boggle? Boy, the Elks will do anything for a dollar. Are they still playing that game where the cow's gotta drop dung in a square?
Boggle is nothing like cow bingo, Hank. Boggle is a game of wits. Now, cow bingo is a game of strategy.
Boy, that wife of yours is pretty good! I guess that's why they call her your "better half!" [chuckles]
Hank Who calls her that?!
[beat]
…They.
Hey, you wanna be my coach?
A Boggle coach? What would I do?
Well, Hank, you don't have to do anything, you just have to be there. Unless you want me to go up to Dallas by myself.
Dallas? I don't want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crack heads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.
[Hank is checking in at the Dallas hotel front desk]
Checking in. The name's Hank Hill.
CConcierge
Hmmm… nope. I have a "Peggy Hill".
Yeah, that's it, "Hank and Peggy Hill".
CConcierge
I have a "Peggy Hill"!
She's my wife.
CConcierge
Okay, uh, "Mr. and Mrs. Peggy Hill".
[hits the table with his fist with each exclamation point, ringing the bell and summoning one bellhop behind him each time] Now you listen to me! The name is HANK! Hill! Mister! Hank! Hill! Peggy married ME! I didn't marry HER!
[Hank looks behind at the small crowd of bellhops now behind him]
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!
[crying] I am so stupid!
Aw, you're not stupid. Heck, you're smarter than me.
Oh, big deal!
Well, you're smarter than anyone else in Arlen.
Well, whoop-dee-do! I am the smartest hillbilly in Hillbillytown!
I-I'm trying Peggy. I just… hey, you know Coach used to say something that would fire us up when we were behind?
Yeah? What?
[furiously]] LOSER! YOU'RE A LOSER! ARE YOU FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF?! WELL, YOU SHOULD BE CAUSE YOU ARE DIRT! YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU BIG BABY! BABY WANT A BOTTLE?! A BIG DIRT BOTTLE?!
[crying harder] WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!
Uh, well, I'm trying to be your coach. I… It's… It's inspiring!
Well, thank you, cause I feel worse than ever!
Well, it worked for the team.
No it didn't! You went to State and lost!
Ah, jeez! I think I need one of those $8 beers.
[Boomhauer is playing a virtual reality mowing simulator.]
Man that dang ol' piece of crap dang ol' blocked up, [reaches into the mower to get the grass out] g-get grass out there that-- [sees that his fingers have been chopped off in the game] AHH! I AIN'T GOT NO FINGERS!
S1 E10Keeping Up With Our Joneses
Is this John occupied? ¿Es esta Juan occupado?
Sí.
Bobby?
[He rips the public bathroom door open to see Bobby and Joseph smoking a cigarette. Everyone is in shock]
Joseph, I understand you smoked your first cigarette today.
Dad, I'm sorry! I'll never smoke again.
Whoa, hold on, son! I want you to keep an open mind so you can make an informed decision. If you want, you can read a bloated government report on smoking or go straight to the horse's mouth and get the facts from the tobacco industry!
For God's sakes, Bobby, what nationality are you?
American.
Then why are you holding your cigarette like some kind of European Nazi in a movie?
Why does it matter?
That's not the right sort of attitude for you to have. Whatever you do, you should do right, even if it's something wrong.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.