Nancy Gribble quotes from King of the Hill

Nancy Gribble

Mention your home was destroyed, and get a free 5-pound bag of onions.

Nancy Gribble

OK. I don't why you'd want to fool Dale like that. I mean, it's not hard. If you're someone he trusts. Hey, whatever turns you on, that's what I always say.

Nancy Gribble

This is supposed to be my re-wedding to Dale! My second chance! Why is God punishin' me? (looks up with her arms in the air) Why, sug?!

Nancy Gribble

(on TV) The temperature is a pleasant 70 degrees. And on a more personal note, I'd like to wish my friend Hank Hill a quick recovery from his embarrassing consti-

-pation.

Peggy

Now, Minh, the game of Boggle is really quite simple. The goal is to make words out of these 25 letter cubes. [shakes the tray and slams it on the table] Ho yeah!

Ba mee tom yum.

Nancy

It's gotta be a real word, honey.

Nancy

You know, the Elks are having a Boggle tournament in order to raise bail money for their treasurer. Maybe you should enter.

Peggy

Me? Oh, fish, I just play for fun! Minh, you owe me $13.

[gives Peggy her money] Thank you for Boggle lesson, Peggy Hill! Maybe next week I teach you mahjong. Bring your checkbook!

Luanne

OK Luanne, how do they get out of the closet? (gasps) Ohhh, No, that won't work.

Hank

(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a coat-hanger.

Luanne

What? I don't... I can't... hmmm, what?

Hank

(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a... (sighs) uh, (out loud) I'll save you, Manger Babies.

Luanne

You will?

Hank

Yes, uh, cause I'm the assistant manager of this movie theater. I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories and you are fired.

Luanne

(as the Manger Babies) We're free, we're free, whoo.

Luanne

Thank you, assistant manager. Me-how can we ever repay you?

Hank

By never forgetting this lesson. Sneaking into the movies is wrong. As wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.

Bravo, bravo.

Nancy

You know Luanne really shouldn't waste this kind of talent on church. If you want, I could show this tape to my boss at channel 84. He's always looking for quality children's programming and home videos of things blowing up.

Peggy

Well, Luanne really could use a boost right now, but I could not take advantage of our friendship like that, no.

Nancy

Oh, Peggy, honey. This is show business. That's what friends do.

Hank

"I know it's a long shot, but what if we make a movie about Arlen, and send it to the Cowboys?"

Nancy

"Do you really think we can make a movie, Hank?"

Hank

I know we can. We used to make movies all the time. Remember Dale? You practically slept with that little camcorder.

Dale

Practically? I was going to be the next Zapruder, except nobody shot a president after that - nobody who knew what he was doing.

Nancy

Arlen's a darlin'!

Hank

Cut!

Dale Gribble

What time is it, 3 AM, 4 AM?

Nancy Gribble

It's six.

Dale Gribble

A.M.?!

Nancy Gribble

No.

Dale Gribble

Oh. Is dinner ready?

Dale

Aw, I've been at John Redc- uh, the gun club ... playing Russian Roulette.

Nancy

Did you win?

Dale

You're not familiar with the game, are you?

Nancy

No...

Dale

Yeah, I won.

Dale

Up yours, Joseph!

Nancy

Dale!

Dale

I'm sorry son, that's the coffee talking. And the florescent lighting. And the excruciating headache.

Nancy

Make some time for the roaches, shug.

Dale

We'd all love to make time for roaches, but in the real world, people have to spend all night reconciling invoices or [raising his voice] Ms. Pippman WON'T LET THEM WEAR CHINOS OR A KNIT SHIRT NEXT FRIDAY!

Nancy Gribble

So, are you really okay with your dad being gay?

Dale Gribble

Why would I have a problem with it? John Redcorn's gay, and I've been friends with him for years!

Nancy

Vodka, this is chopper one. Traffic is clear from my mouth to my stomach.

Hey, give me the keys, Nancy. I want to go buzz my ex-husband's girlfriend's condo. (laughs)

[shouting out the window] I'm... Wade... Bixby!

You'll work as a team, and make important decisions about the September 2008 housing crisis, during the collapse of the subprime mortgage industry when the government debated the takeover of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Hank

Ooh, that's a juicy one.

Would you like to be the president?

Hank

... I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will-

A simple "yes" would have sufficed. Ma'am, you'll be Fed Chairman John Paulson.

Peggy

Ho'yeah! I can buy and sell all of you losers.

Nancy

Sug, can I be the Fannie Mae president? I just like the name Fannie Mae.

Huh- sure.

Dale

And I'll be the head of the shadowy Trilateral Commission, David Rockefeller. [to the man next to him] And you'll be the Queen of England. We all know that the president's just a puppet, and that the queen and Lyndon LaRouche pulled all the strings.

Hank

That's not true, Dale.

Dale

Can you prove that it isn't true? Can you, Hank?

Hank

Mr. President to you, Rockefeller.

Can I be Epstein?

Hank

From Welcome Back, Kotter? No. Why?

Can I be Obama's Kenyan handler?

Hank

Obama was born in Hawaii. That's reason enough not to vote for him without making stuff up. [to the guide] Wait, aren't you gonna do anything?

Ha. You're the president.

Hank

No, not if this group isn't gonna respect the historical accuracy. I might as well stand here and do nothing.

Dale

Fine. Vice President it is.