Luke Danes quotes from Gilmore Girls

Luke

I thought you'd be happy!

Lorelai

Yeah, I am, but sad at the same time. Never been with a woman before?

Luke

I`ve got another surprise for you.

Lorelai

What?

Luke

Upstairs.

Lorelai

Where?

Luke

In the bedroom.

Lorelai

Uh, upstairs in the bedroom. Whatever could it be?

Luke

Close your eyes.

Lorelai

I'm not scared of it anymore!

Luke

They're gonna get cold.

Lorelai

Are they different?

Luke

Different than what?

Lorelai

They seem different.

Luke

They're nachos. Now eat them.

Lorelai

You used baked chips.

Luke

What?!

Lorelai

You did, didn't you? You used baked chips and low fat cheese.

Luke

I did not [pauses] use low fat cheese.

Lorelai

HA

Luke

How can you tell?

Lorelai

How could you lie?

Luke

It tastes the same!

Lorelai

[sighs] The trust Luke! How are we gonna make it if you're constantly trying to keep me healthy?

Luke

Fine. Forget it. Die at 60.

Lorelai

Bring me a donut while I wait!?

Town meeting!

Lorelai

What did they say?

Luke

There was a clown beating?

Lorelai

Huh! Not again.

Luke

Early morning chores?

Lorelai

You know. Milking Cows. Feeding Chickens. Slopping Pigs.

Luke

Slopping pigs?

Lorelai

Well. They're certainly not going to slop themselves.

Luke

What is this feeling, this tightness in the chest, this anger mixed with paralyzing weakness?

Lorelai

You've been Gilmored!

Lorelai

Freeze-dried spaghetti?

Luke

Just add hot water. Eat it out of the bag.

Lorelai

Am I gonna find hot water in there?

Luke

I got to heat it up on the stove.

Lorelai

Oh...my God.

Luke

It's a bowie knife. To cut fish, cut tree limbs.

Lorelai

To amputate a leg?

Luke

Not a leg. It could do a foot.

Lorelai

You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other?

Luke

I wanted to be prepared.

Lorelai

Oh wow. I was like in a zen, trance. I was totally somewhere else.

Rory

Oooh I was in Greece, where were you?

Lorelai

Bergdoff Goodman.

Rory

When you reach a zen trance you go to Bergdoff Goodman?

Lorelai

To each his own. Thanks Ron, Jerry.

Logan

I didn't know the gym had masseurs.

Lorelai

No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service but they have missed their calling.

Luke

You got laundry guys to give you a massage?

Rory

Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore.

Luke

Did you know I have never seen the Liberty Bell?

Lorelai

Communist.

Luke

Ok I'm going to take these guys [spiders] outside. Any particular place you want em?

Lorelai

Yea someplace shady. Sheltered from the elements. And close to a talking pig.

Lane

I have some really really big news.

Rory

What?

Rory

You've become a shriner?

Lorelai

Rorys here!

Luke

She is?

Lorelai

Yea she's outside bouncing around with Lane.

Luke

How come she came home?

Lorelai

I dunno...bouncing lessons?

Lorelai

You won the Superbowl?

Lorelai

That's what it is. Constitution face.

Luke

I brought you something

Lorelai

Aww did you steal me the constitution cuz that could be the start of a really dumb movie.

Luke

It's from Amish country. These little Amish girls hand make them.

Lorelai

Aww it's adorable. Patti look. An amish voodoo doll.

Luke

It's just a doll the Amish don't put faces on their dolls or pins in them.

Lorelai

Oh well it's my doll now. What the Amish don't know won't hurt them, unless of course I want to hurt them.

Miss Patty

Well... I... I don't know... You know half the time people speak to me I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see Turning Point?

Luke

No.

Patty

Oh, that man was so beautiful.

Luke

Yeah, I'm sure.

Patty

Pure sex. Walking. Or flying actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance?

Luke

Me? No.

Patty

Oh, maybe you might wanna think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights.

Luke

Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by?

Patty

Oh, of course I will, honey.

Luke

Thanks. Stop imagining me in tights, Patty.

Patty

It's a free country, honey!

Luke

Hell, you were going so fast-

Lorelai

Yeah, that's me! I'm fast...I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics. Ha!

Luke

You're gonna sue me, after you crash a car into my diner and bust a giant hole in my wall?!

Kirk

For all you know, I could have brain damage.

Luke

Oh, I'm pretty sure you do.

Lorelai

God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt.

Luke

Yeah well, things change.

Lorelai

Hey.

Luke

Hey. (pause) Coffee?

Lorelai

Yes, please.

Luke

To stay or to go?

Lorelai

Uh...to stay!

Luke

Good! Okay. [reaches around to pour her a cup of coffee]

Lorelai!

Babette

Hi, doll!

It's so nice seeing you back in here.

Lorelai

Thanks.

Babette

It's been a long time. What, nine, ten months?

Lorelai

Yeah something like that.

Kirk

Actually, I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in here last [pulls out a notebook] cause I marked it in my calendar. May 22, 2006. Stool available. Question mark. It's important to..

Luke

Enough Kirk. [hands Lorelai her coffee] Here you go.