Taylor Doose quotes from Gilmore Girls

Taylor

I know that there's no way that you would be involved in something like that if it weren't for that Sal Mineo wannabe. Believe me, Chachi and Chachi alone will be held responsible for that incident.

Taylor

"The Last Supper" cannot be funky.

Rory

Hey. My mom's not wearing any underwear.

Lorelai

Oh!

Rory

Well you aren't.

Taylor

You're just being selfish, Luke.

Lorelai

Still they don't notice. I can't take it anymore.

Taylor

We're talking about the spirit of fall.

Lorelai

What kind of muffin do you want?

Rory

Blueberry.

Luke

You know where you can stick the spirit of fall?

Luke

Here, don't use your hands.

Taylor

I don't think you're taking me seriously.

Luke

What gave you that idea? [to Lorelai, who is leaving] No tip?

Lorelai

Oh, yeah, here's a tip: serve your customers.

Luke

Here's another: don't sit on any cold benches.

Taylor

When standards slip, families flee and in comes the seedy crowd. You got trouble, my friends.

Lorelai

Right here in River City!

Taylor

This is not funny, Lorelai.

Taylor

This festival is commemorating the founding of our town, young lady.

Lorelai

I know Taylor. I'm sorry.

Luke

She's bipolar.

Miss Patty

Really? But you're so young...

Taylor

All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.

Lorelai

No, Taylor it's not. It's, um, diapers for the little ones.

Taylor

What?

Lorelai

Dorsal fins and Cucamonga!

Taylor

What did she say?

Lorelai

[to Max] I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?

Taylor

I don't get this, people. This man is practically a vagrant. I mean, where do you even live? What do you do for a living?

I don't want people to know those things!

Taylor

Why not?

Because that's part of being a troubadour.

Taylor

What is part of being a troubadour?

The mystique!

Taylor

Oh, this is absolutely ridiculous. [Speaking to second troubadour] Do you suscribe to this troubadour mystique?

I run a Kinko's in Groton.

You see, that proves it! He doesn't respect the code. You're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to run a Kinko's. You're supposed to speak through your music. That's the whole point.

Taylor

This goes well beyond a head of lettuce, young man. The charges against your nephew are numerous. He stole the 'save the bridge' money.

Luke

He gave that back.

Taylor

He stole a gnome from Babette's garden.

Luke

Pierpont was also returned.

Miss Patty

He hooted one of my dance classes.

He took a garden hose from my yard.

My son said he set off the fire alarms at school last week.

Lorelai

I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay for Glitter!

Taylor

Late again, are we?

Lorelai

Yes, I hope I’m not pregnant!

Taylor

You really have to work on your punctuality, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in a half an hour ago.

Lorelai

Oooh, dirty!

Taylor

Mhmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type 24B otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business.

Why'd you say it twice?

Taylor

Hmm?

Babette

You said cart kiosk cart kiosk!

Lorelai

Its repetitive

Rory

And redundant

Lorelai

Its repetitive

Rory

And redundant!

Lorelai

We certainly are entertaining, Mac!

Rory

Indubitably, Tosh

Taylor

I'd like the wording to be a little harsher.

Taylor, it already says that if Aunt Tilly's Taffy delivers even 2 hours late, they forfeit all payment for that particular shipment and are liable for any loss of income that may result from that late delivery. It's pretty extreme.

Taylor

It may seem extreme, but those candy people are shifty characters.

Why don't we leave the wording as it is for now and see how things go. We can get tougher later if necessary.

Luke

Yeah you could send over a couple of oompa-loompas to kick the crap out of Aunt Tilly.

Taylor

Moving on. Now people, I know it's an unpleasant subject, but the deer population in this town is reaching monstrous proportions.

Not this again.

Miss Patty

He's always going on about the deer.

Luke

Leave 'em alone, Taylor.

Taylor

But they're taking over the town. We need to institute partial elimination.

Partial elimination?

You wanna kill the little romping Bambis?

Taylor

People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?

Luke

No, but you will.

Taylor

Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents.

Luke

We have flying deer?

Miss Patty

Oh, that's scary.

Babette

Yeah. Those ones you can snuff.

Luke

You wanna open the soda shop in the space next to the diner?

Taylor

It’s the only one that’s appropriate.

Luke

Taylor, no. No, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, "Taylor, no!" And when I die, I’m gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, "How’s Ted?", followed closely by, "Taylor, no!"

Luke

What’s that, a toy?

Miss Patty

Oh, it’s awfully cute.

Taylor

That is a professionally manufactured diorama of the proposed business.

Rory

Wow, there’s little people and everything.

Sookie

They look so real.

Hey, it’s me holding a tiny zucchini!

Lorelai

Look at the horse drawn carriage.

Taylor

My thought was to park it out front with the name of the business painted on the side. It’s very eighteen-hundreds.

Babette

The horse is taller than the front door.

Lorelai

Way taller.

Luke

What are you up to, Taylor? Are you breeding giant horses?

Taylor

It’s slightly out of proportion.

Babette

Slightly? That little guy there could walk right under the horse without even ducking.