Christopher Hayden quotes from Gilmore Girls

Christopher

I've set Gigi up with funds for private school, and prep school. And college. And grad school. And Ph.D. school. And a wedding and a divorce if she wants it. And another wedding. Or she can buy a bunch of cats if she wants to and a lifetime supply of popcorn and Twizzlers. ...What do you want? A car. How bout a Bentley they're pretty sweet. Or a new house? Or tract of land to build a new house?

Christopher

These snotty private schools are impossible. Their waiting lists, and psychological tests, and blood samples, and sworn oaths, and dark backroom promises, and every single headmistress looks like Dick Cheney.

Christopher

Alright Calamity Jane, lets get you to bed.

Christopher

I love you. I know the other night didn't mean for you what it did for me. But I don't regret it and I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. Not just because it was great which it was. But because it was right. It was so right Lore and you may not see that right now but I do. And if I have to wait until we're both 80 years old for you to see it then I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me. You're it for me. I can't pretend to feel any less for you than I do. I'm sorry. I just can't.

Christopher

Ok look. I’ve been making some changes, especially my career and I think I finally have all my ducks lined up in a row.

Lorelai

You’re opening a shooting gallery.

Christopher

I’ve been tying up loose ends in my life.

Lorelai

Do they make that much string?

Christopher

That was....that was a memorable evening.

Lorelai

Oh yes, it was beautiful in there. We should commemorate it with an oil painting or a severed head or something.

Christopher

Uh, Diane is ancient history.

Rory

When I met her at Easter you said she could be the one.

Christopher

The one to be gone by Memorial Day.

Christopher

Where were you?

Lorelai

Fruitlessly trying to rectify a ratty transgression.

Christopher

Oh. You want some coffee?

Lorelai

No.

Christopher

What?

Lorelai

What?

Christopher

Well I know you well enough to know that when you say no to coffee, especially in the morning, all is not right in Whoville.

Lorelai

Very astute.

Christopher

So... last night.

Lorelai

Ah, last night was Chernobyl and the Hindenburg combined.

Christopher

Right, just checking.

Lorelai

My father almost hit someone. My father has probably only hit another man in college wearing boxing gloves and one of those Fred Mertz Golden Gloves pullover sweaters.

Christopher

Fred Mertz?

Lorelai

"I Love Lucy" - Fred Mertz.

Christopher

Landlord to Ricki, husband to Ethel, I know. It’s just a weird reference.

Lorelai

Hello, pajamas.

Christopher

Right. Continue.

Lorelai

And what are you doing telling my daughter to lie to me anyway?

Christopher

She’s my daughter too.

Lorelai

More like your playmate.

Christopher

You know I don’t deserve that, I’m as mature as you.

Lorelai

What? The Offspring is your favorite band!

Christopher

So? You’re into Metallica!

Lorelai

Well, Metallica is way more substantial than The Offspring!

Christopher

Here we go, it’s the same Black Sabbath riff all over again!

Lorelai

Oh! The Offspring have like one chord progression. They use it over and over. They just popped on new words and called it a single and I don’t want to talk about this anymore!

Christopher

May I have this dance?

Lorelai

I don't know. Do you have a trust fund? Always make sure.

Richard

There are a lot of nice historical places up there.

Christopher

Something historical in our price range would be perfect.

Emily

You know historical homes are infested with mold, don’t you?

Lorelai

Mold?

Emily

It gets inside the walls and grows out of sight and shoots off spores that slowly kill you and your family.

Lorelai

You should get a show on the Home and Garden channel, Mom.

Lorelai

A 25 dollars savings bond.

Christopher

That's a long-term investment. Don't touch it for thirty years and you're looking at 45 dollars.

Christopher

You're too unmaterialistic I've always thought that about you.

Lorelai

If it makes you feel any better I'll ask Rory if she wants a brewery or a Bentley.

Christopher

Or a castle. Don't forget the castle... It doesn't have to be in Ireland. It can be in Germany. Czech Republic. Scotland. Narnia.

Christopher

I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabar sat right in front of me.

Lorelai

Brigitte and Kareem showed up huh? I swear any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there.

Lorelai

And just remember. If things don't go well. We will stop loving you...we'll be rooting for you.

Rory

Well it's not really a root for me kind of thing.

Lorelai

Well we brought foam fingers.

Christopher

And we're planning on doing the wave if things get dull.

Lorelai

Dud? :[hand's Christopher a Milk Dud]