Emily Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Emily

[about playing golf] Why should she pick something else? She needs to learn a sport and Richard can teach her a sport. [turns to Rory] You can use your mother's old golf clubs. They're upstairs gathering dust along with the rest of her potential.

Emily

This is not a drive-through! She is not fried chicken!

Emily

[to Lorelai] You're muttering under your breath. Years of experience have taught me that when you do that, it's usually about me.

Emily

You do not just leave a note. You call and say: "Mom, I'm in labor. Will you please drive me to the damned hospital?!"

Emily

Add an assortment of jewelry suitable for a man with a mustache. What would that be: bracelets, pinky rings?

Emily

[Directing the setup of chairs for her party] Just move them so people can navigate around them comfortably. [They move chairs] Not that far apart. Not that far apart! Good Lord, if someone needs that much room to get around a chair they shouldn't be at a party, they should be on a treadmill.

Emily

Now let’s talk about your money. You were a two-bit gold-digger fresh off the bus from Hicksville when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to chose you out of the pack of women he was bedding at the time I’ll never know. But hats off to you for bagging him. He’s still a playboy you know. Well of course you know! That would explain why your weight goes up and down thirty pounds every other month. But that’s your cross to bear. These are ugly realities, no one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together for as long as they like. You won't stop them.

Emily

Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, will you, please?

Emily

Yes Lorelai you may open your present. For heaven's sake you're like a dolphin at feeding time.

Emily

Champagne, ladies?

Lorelai

Wow, that's fancy.

Emily

Well, it's not every day I have my girls over for dinner on a day that the banks are open.

Emily

I'm looking up "aneurysm" in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.

Lorelai

I just wanted to be honest with you, Mom. Silly me!

Emily

A cat?

Lorelai

Yeah, a cat, it was a cat's funeral.

Emily

You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat funeral?

Lorelai

Not my cousin, Mom. My father's grandmother's sister's girl whom I've never ever uh..

Emily

You said you couldn't be away from the inn.

Lorelai

Well, I couldn't at the time, but I worked it out.

Emily

For a cat?

Lorelai

[sighs] It's late, I have a big day tomorrow, Mom.

Emily

Oh, what? You're going to a raccoon's wedding?

Lorelai

[With a fixed smile] Goodnight, mother!

Emily

Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our wills.

Richard

Take a look at that desk in my office. It's a really fine Georgian piece.

Lorelai

Why don't I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?

Rory

Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.

Emily

Nonsense. You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a post-it on it.

Lorelai

OK, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.

Emily

You can pick out things too, you know.

Lorelai

Oh, well now it's way less creepy.

Emily

Did you hear that Richard? Apparently we're creepy.

Richard

Yes, well, live and learn.

Lorelai

What's that?

Emily

It's dessert.

Lorelai

It's pudding.

Emily

Well if you knew what it was why did you ask?

Lorelai

You don't like pudding.

Emily

Yes, but you like pudding.

Lorelai

Oh, I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.

Rory

I've never had pudding from a crystal bowl before.

Emily

You like the bowl?

Rory

Mmm.

Emily

Put a post-it on it when you're done.

Emily

Have you seen the news?

Lorelai

Ever?

Emily

A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.

Lorelai

Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark, you get the animals.

Emily

I just sent Lance to pick up Rory at school. The roads are terrible — black ice everywhere. It's just a mess out there. I hate this kind of weather. So, anyhow, what time will you get here?

Lorelai

Well, uh, gee, Mom, I don't know. Let me see… black ice, treacherous roads. I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso, and fly the invisible plane on over?

Emily

You're not coming.

Lorelai

Well, if it's as bad as you say it is, I don't see how I can get there.

Emily

Well, I guess it'll just be the three of us then.

Lorelai

I guess so.

Emily

And you know, Rory should probably spend the night tonight also.

Lorelai

Uh, okay.

Emily

And if it's still bad tomorrow…

Lorelai

Mom? Why don't you wait to see what the weather does before you fill out a change of address card for her?

Emily

This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.

Richard

Rory? Are you in any way malnourished, or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?

Rory

I'm good.

Richard

She's good, Emily.