Lane Kim quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lane

Look, I told you guys I'd throw you free fries. Not a big deal because they're usually the ones we wind up throwing away anyway. Which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers, or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies, or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.

Lane

[to Rory] You didn't hear about the fight? Me and my Mom. Classic Kim family grudgefest? If it weren't for your mom we might have gone the way of Pretty Girls Make Graves. They were so young but they had so many albums left in them. Here's the thing. My kids are going to need that too, you know when they're hiding Bibles and they can't stand me so what I wanted to know was. Would you be their Lorelai Gilmore?

Lane

You have to look at what a gift says to the other person, not to you. Remember two years ago, I got my mom that perfume?

Rory

Yeah.

Lane

Okay, to me that said, "Hey Mom, you work hard, you deserve something fancy". Now to my mother, it said, "Hey Mom, here's some smelly sex juice, the kind I use to lure boys with", and resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.

Rory

I appreciate that. So, tell me, your cousin getting married Saturday, what’s his story?

Lane

James. Very quiet, kind of skulky, couldn’t meet anyone here, so his family arranged to have a girl shipped over from the old country.

Rory

I hope they cut air holes in the box.

Rory

Well, well, well. If I didn't know better, I'd say someone isn't quite as cool as we thought he was.

Lane

What do you mean? He's jealous. Oh, my God, he-he's jealous, that's so great!

Rory

You've worked your womanly wiles on him, Lane Kim.

Lane

I've never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful.

Rory

Just remember, there's cute jealous and there's Othello.

Lane

Good point.

Rory

If I had known sports were so much about eating, I would’ve come to a lot more of these.

Lane

I know. There’s something deeply satisfying about watching other people exercise while eating junk food.

Rory

Your mom loves Dave?

Lane

She said he’s a righteous young man who’s proven he can be trusted around antique furniture. In her book, that’s pretty close to love.

Zack

Whoa, cool.

Dave

We all finished at the same time.

Lane

That has never happened.

Brian

The middle of that song didn't even sound like us.

Dave

Yeah, it sounded good.

Rory

It sounded great, guys. All of it. Didn't it?

Jess

Not too shabby.

Dave

We are so ready for this gig.

Lane

We've got a gig. I just love the sound of that.

Jess

Where is it?

Lane

Kyle from school. His parents are going to Marriage Encounter for the weekend so he's throwing this mondo party.

Jess

You got enough songs?

Dave

We have enough for two half-hour sets. What we need is a name.

Brian

I made my suggestion.

Zack

Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next.

Brian

So yours is better?

Zack

"Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is memorable and classy.

Brian

I run out of breath every time I say it.

Zack

You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.

Dave

Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.

Brian

Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is too long.

Zack

Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.

Dave

A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoyed playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.

Dave

Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.

Mrs. Kim

"Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done."

Dave

Okay, thank you.

Dave

Did you hear what she said?

Lane

Yes, I did.

Dave

What did it mean?

Lane

I don't know.

Dave

Was it a yes, was it a no?

Lane

I'm not sure.

Dave

Well, it's gotta be from the Bible, right? So I'll just go home, do some research, look on the Internet, see what I can find. I'll call you when I know something.

Jess

Hey.

Rory

Hey.

Jess

Hey, Lane.

Lane

Hey back at ya, tough guy.

Jess

What?

Rory

Lane...

Jess

Something wrong?

Rory

No...

Lane

Yes! You have a car.

Jess

I know.

Lane

Don’t give me lip!

Jess

Lip?

Rory

Lane...

Lane

How’d you get the car, Jess?

Jess

I bought it?

Lane

Really, I thought you might’ve built it from parts left over from cars you’ve totaled.

Jess

What is your problem?

Lane

Don’t play dumb! You know what you did.

Jess

I gotta go.

Lane

Yes, drive on away, we’ll just keep walking. That’s all Rory’s been able to do these past few months – lots of walking. She’s got bunions because of you, mister!

Jess

Bunions?

Rory

I don’t have bunions.

Lane

She’s too nice to complain about her foot ailments!

Jess

Knock it off, Lane!

Rory

Just get in the car and go, Jess.

Jess

I didn’t start this.

Lane

Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory’s car!

Jess

Tell your friend to walk it off.

Rory

You walk it off!

Jess

I’m trying to DRIVE off!

Rory

Then go!

Jess

Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?

Rory

It’s not the car, it’s who’s got the car.

Jess

Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I’m sick of this.

Rory

I don’t want this piece of junk!

Jess

Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy.

Rory

Shut up and go!

Jess

Gladly.

Rory

Let’s go.

Lane

Gladly!

Rory

[to Jess] Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat!

Zack

Right here. [points to his eyes] He's got some lines. That blows my mind.

Brian

What is he, late thirties?

Zack

Approaching forty.

Lane

Forty?

Brian

He was alive before man walked on the moon.

Zack

Don't do that, man. You're freaking me out.

Zack

He's had a lot of time to practice.

Brian

And the bicentennial - he was alive for that.

Zack

Elderly.

Brian

He was our age when we were born.

Brian

There were no CDs when he was born.

Zack

Stop it, man. I mean it.

Brian

He could have seen AC/DC with their original lead singer.

Zack

And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old.

Brian

We shouldn't be rude.

Zack

Fine, we'll keep going, but remember, any new member has to be approved by all of us. So one vote against, and he's back at bingo.

Lane

Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed?

Rory

Oh, my God. The marriage jug?

Lane

The marriage jug.

Rory

She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean?

Lane

I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.

Lane

You told me the Cookie Monster was one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Mrs. Kim

Gluttony.

Lane

[referring to coffee given to Lorelai at the diner] I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.

Lorelai

Bless you.

Lane

Goodnight, Zack.

Zack

Goodnight.

Lane

Oh, no.

Zack

This is bad news: Once he hits his REM state, Motörhead wouldn't wake him.