Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.

Lorelai

Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?

Lorelai

After three cheeseburgers, you're done unless you're expecting Elijah to stop by.

Lorelai

[to Rory, about Luke] We're picking out paint colors tonight so it's going to be hours of "yes," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "no," until my world-famous perseverence wears him down and he winds up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl. Wanna come watch?

Lorelai

Yeah, you do know honey that garbage doesn’t actually talk at all unless it’s on Sesame Street.

Lorelai

That doesn’t make sense. This is Dean we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It’s one step away from stalker material.

Lorelai

I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.

Lorelai

Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say "Whoa, step back. No one's that gay".

Lorelai

Ah man. I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldn’t leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree. He fell, broke his leg. Ah, to be young again.

Lorelai

Gilmore Group, may I help you? Oh no, Margie doesn't work for the company anymore. I'm the one who called to schedule the DSL appointment. Well, no, no, we really need the DSL line installed today — it's just awful being without it. Uh-huh, okay, if you can make it before five everything is good but any later than that won't work because the cable modem people are dropping by about 5:05. Well, thank you, that's great! Okay, bye. [to Richard] They'll be here in twenty minutes.

Lorelai

I look adorable! No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. I'll do just about anything if I can buy an outfit!

Lorelai

Have you seen my brown boots? I cannot go out without those brown boots. My entire outfit was retrofitted around those practically – Oh! Wait, can you believe it? Hey, they were in my closet. What sort of bizarre accident of fate put them there?

Lorelai

Okay. [to kids] Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder – it's part of the game!'

Lorelai

[to Rory] Hey, you know what's weird? A lot of the kids in here are calling you a valedictorian. Is that anything like a dirty skank, 'cause if it is I'll kick their plaid butts up and down the sidewalk.

Lorelai

Well, we spent the first ten minutes on him bugging me to volunteer for more stuff at school, or in lieu of that to make a donation to build the new basketball court, and then another couple of minutes of me convincing him that what sounded like me going "Ha!" was really me clearing my throat, but after that we had a very pleasant, productive conversation.