Miss Patty quotes from Gilmore Girls

Miss Patty

Yeah, Taylor, you finally did something right. [Taylor looks annoyed/angry] Your beard is so sexy.

Taylor

This festival is commemorating the founding of our town, young lady.

Lorelai

I know Taylor. I'm sorry.

Luke

She's bipolar.

Miss Patty

Really? But you're so young...

Taylor

This goes well beyond a head of lettuce, young man. The charges against your nephew are numerous. He stole the 'save the bridge' money.

Luke

He gave that back.

Taylor

He stole a gnome from Babette's garden.

Luke

Pierpont was also returned.

Miss Patty

He hooted one of my dance classes.

He took a garden hose from my yard.

My son said he set off the fire alarms at school last week.

Lorelai

I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay for Glitter!

Taylor

Moving on. Now people, I know it's an unpleasant subject, but the deer population in this town is reaching monstrous proportions.

Not this again.

Miss Patty

He's always going on about the deer.

Luke

Leave 'em alone, Taylor.

Taylor

But they're taking over the town. We need to institute partial elimination.

Partial elimination?

You wanna kill the little romping Bambis?

Taylor

People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?

Luke

No, but you will.

Taylor

Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents.

Luke

We have flying deer?

Miss Patty

Oh, that's scary.

Babette

Yeah. Those ones you can snuff.

Luke

What’s that, a toy?

Miss Patty

Oh, it’s awfully cute.

Taylor

That is a professionally manufactured diorama of the proposed business.

Rory

Wow, there’s little people and everything.

Sookie

They look so real.

Hey, it’s me holding a tiny zucchini!

Lorelai

Look at the horse drawn carriage.

Taylor

My thought was to park it out front with the name of the business painted on the side. It’s very eighteen-hundreds.

Babette

The horse is taller than the front door.

Lorelai

Way taller.

Luke

What are you up to, Taylor? Are you breeding giant horses?

Taylor

It’s slightly out of proportion.

Babette

Slightly? That little guy there could walk right under the horse without even ducking.

Miss Patty

Taylor, all animals have to… you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?

Taylor

Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land — pow! They're shish-kebabs.

Rory

That's cruel.

Babette

You can't do that.

I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.

Lorelai

There it is — our new town slogan.

Rory

I like it.

Lorelai

I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Rory

Don't forget stuffed shish-kebabbed birds.

Lorelai

That moan when you squeeze 'em.

Miss Patty

Well... I... I don't know... You know half the time people speak to me I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see Turning Point?

Luke

No.

Patty

Oh, that man was so beautiful.

Luke

Yeah, I'm sure.

Patty

Pure sex. Walking. Or flying actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance?

Luke

Me? No.

Patty

Oh, maybe you might wanna think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights.

Luke

Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by?

Patty

Oh, of course I will, honey.

Luke

Thanks. Stop imagining me in tights, Patty.

Patty

It's a free country, honey!