Lisa Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa

Managers manage, and players play.

Do alligators alligate?

Lisa

I don't know! Yes!

I'm scared!

Lisa Simpson

[gasps] You're a vampire! I should be scared, but I'm not.

Edmund

Let us move between the trees the way a bat does... by jumping!

Lisa Simpson

Edmund's almost here! So please, nobody be themselves.

Homer Simpson

I know, I know. Don't serve garlic, don't stab your guest in the heart with a wooden stake, don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein. It's racist somehow.

Look, I'm more than just a vampire. I'm a nut for Dixieland jazz. [plays jazz trumpet]

Edmund

[rolls his eyes and groans] You said you weren't gonna bring that!

I said I might not. [continues to play]

Edmund

[whispers to Lisa] They say vampires live forever, but I die of embarrassment every day.

Lisa

I know just how you feel.

Lisa

Dad, can I talk to you for a second?

Homer

What is troubling you, my son? I mean, my girl son.

Marge

What's your note say?

Lisa

The seven of clubs?

Homer

[Revealing himself to have put the 7 of clubs to cheer Lisa up] Tada!

Homer

[telling the kids a horror story in a creepy voice] The Bloody Hangman walks on his stubby bone feet through the plague-ridden streets of London...

Lisa

You said it was Boston.

Homer

[still in a creepy voice] Did I?

Homer

Kids, remember when I promised to feed us from that victory garden? Well, instead, I grew this tree!

Lisa

Don't you dare bring that thing in here!

Homer

What? You don't want a Christmas tree?! That's crazy! Next you won't want a Christmas ham!

Lisa

Don't worry about that. I love meat and I always will. [takes a bite out of a slice of ham] Mmm-mm! That is some sweet pig meat!

Bart

I just have one question about hair: where does mine start? Head, head, head, hair! Where's the border?!

Lisa

Oh, my God! Me too!

Bart

What are we?!

Lisa

I find your decision to go back to blue empowering.

Marge

I thought you found my decision to go from blue to gray empowering.

Lisa

As a feminist virtually everything a woman does is empowering.

Lisa

Initiate Phase 2.

Bart

I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I'll assume we just dump the peaches like we discussed.

Lisa

Affirmative.

Bart

I'll assume that means "yes".

Lisa

Roger.

Bart

The name's Bart.

I can see why they call you the "Great Simpsina".

Lisa

My friends call me Lisa.

Bart

She has no friends.

Lisa

Shut up!

Lisa

Bart, I haven't been selling the truffles. I have been eating them.

Bart

Really? Why?

Lisa

Vegetarian food is so boring! Pasta! Soy! You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli!

Lisa

Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?

Bart

I dunno. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean, and put back in my drawers?

Lisa

Taffy's up to something, and I won't find out what it is sitting on a computer. It's time to get boots on the ground! [cut to Lisa putting flower-patterned boots to her feet] [sweetly] You like my boots?

Bart

Once you get past the sister ick, they're fine.