Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

I'll tell you what, why don't I spruce it up for you? Huh?

Bart

But you're an inside grown-up. Moms can't build treehouses.

Marge

You realize that saying that is gonna make this mom work her keister off to make you the best darn treehouse you ever saw!

Bart

Sounds good!

Homer

[on a phone call with Marge] Marge, baby, I'm out the door.

Marge

Are you sure? Because sometimes people say they're out the door when they really haven't left yet.

Homer

Those people are horrible, horrible liars. See you soon! [hangs up the phone]

Mr. Burns

Simpson! Not so fast. Hold up one end of this poster! [Homer and Smithers hold a "Safety first, last and always" poster] Now use it to conceal this. [they close a leak with the poster] Excellent. Now, let me just crank up the plumb bob to determine the vertical marvel, we'll have this poster level in under three hours!

Lisa

[dressed as a seahorse] Mom! Mom! My costume for the science play is all wrong!

Marge

You said you were a seahorse!

Lisa

A male seahorse, with a pouch!

Marge

Males have pouches?

Lisa

Male seahorses' nurturing is one of the wonders of the world. You said you read the script!

Marge

Bart gave me a synopsis, I... [realizes that Bart made up the synopsis] Oh boy.

Bart

Mom, I'll clean that up for you.

Marge

Oh, thank God, some help.

Bart

Where's the mop?

Marge

In the mop closet.

Bart

Where's the bucket?

Marge

Under the mop! [Bart opens a closet] Other closet! [he opens the second closet and some things fall from it]

Bart

There's stuff in front of it. [Marge groans] Let me help! [grabs a box and two bottles fall from it and start crossing the floor] Ay caramba! Hey, there's wood underneath this linoleum.

Marge

Oh! Just go play outside.

Bart

Outside? Your loss.

Marge

What a beautiful day for a family stroll!

[carrying his octuplets] Tell that to my aching back!

Bart

[groans] It's not a family stroll! Homer forgot where he parked his car last night and now we have to find it!

Marge

What a beautiful day to be in denial!

Lisa

Yeah, Bart, who cares? The sun is shining, birds are singing, people... are... staring up at the sky in terror?

Homer

Do you see it, Lisa? There's... nothing... there.

And that's where Lard Lad used to be!

Marge

I know you're in a hurry to go to the bar to watch football, but first, I want you to put the kids to bed.

Homer

Ugh!

Marge

Yay!

The only Boston wins is because they cheat! Listening in our teams' headsets, fattening our cheerleaders, you know, for three games last year, Boston used a volleyball painted brown!

That was never proven, you Springfield screw-job.

Ugh! Boston fans. In town for the Dennis Lehane book tour.

Go kiss a Kennedy, you rule-breaking cranberry squeezers!

We don't cheat! We won 12 division titles in ten years, fair and square!

You dorks are just jealous of all our championship rings! [they start kissing their hands]

Homer

You're the one who's jealous. I only wish I could be as jealous as you!

Geez, Jay, this place has got more knobs than a hardware store. I hate this town!

Jay

So don't I. Frigging doorknobs [they laugh]

Automatic! [they kiss their hands again]

Marge

Concussions!! [knocks Homer's soda into his hot dogs]

Homer

Concessions!!

Marge

Homer, are you ever planning on putting this stuff together?

Homer

Sure, right after I watch this DVD. [pushes the TV back to its normal position]

Marge

[groans] Just what are you watching that's so important? [grabs the DVD case] Outstanding College Mascot Fights?

Homer

S.E.C. edition.

Marge

Wait a minute?

Homer

D’oh?

Homer

Aw, water soup again?

Marge

Now, it's crow soup.

Homer

Ooh, I call an eye!

Lisa

Me too!

Bart

Me three!

Marge

And Maggie gets the break.

Maggie

Aaaeeey! Uh-Ah!

Marge

Maggie, sweetie. You should be in bed.

Maggie

No one leaves alive!

Marge

Ooooh, her first words!

Homer

Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer?

Marge

Homer Simpson, the only time you shut your mouth is to keep food inside!

Marge

We're going to spend family time together without watching TV.

Lisa

Mom is right - Americans watch way too much TV. How many hours? Let me Google that. [uses her iPhone and laughs] Instead of TV, I typed "TB"! Let me Google that!

Marge

Turn off the devices, pronto!

Lisa

"Pronto!" Odd word. Let me Google that.

Bart

Hey, I'm doing something educational.

Marge

Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.

Bart

It's Tunnelcraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.

Marge

Can you die in it?

Bart

Yes.

Marge

It's a video game!

Lisa

Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do? [glances at a picture of Apu]

Marge

Some things will be dealt with at a later date.

Lisa

If at all.