Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

Homer, what's your favorite movie?

Homer

Fast and Furious 6.

Marge

And what's the theme of that movie?

Homer

Cars.

Marge

What was the OTHER theme?

Homer

[gasps] Family.

Bart

Ho-ho. One Sumatran Breeding Rat, already in labor.

Homer

[opens Bart's bedroom door, sternly] You paid for mail-order rats when your grandfather's nursing home is full of them? [the scene changes to the kitchen] All right, boy. I'm gonna find out just what you've been up to. [switches the light off, turns the torch on, Marge enters the kitchen and switches the light on]

Bart

[gulps] Oh, Mom, thank god.

Marge

[switches the light off, turns the torch on, hand it to Homer] This one's brighter. [to Bart] Now talk. What are you up to? All right, we'll make you talk. Give me your phone.

Homer

Okay, which of these ties is better for my first day as a mentor? Purple stripes or this one?

Marge

[sniff, sniff] Are you wearing my perfume?

Homer

I like it on you, he'll like it on me.

Marge

Oh, I think you'd better stay home from school, sweetie.

Lisa

I'm not at school?

Marge

No, honey. And you should stay home.

Lisa

Yes, Miss Hover.

Homer

Yeah, Cool?

Marge

What?

Marge

Oh, really? You hate the outdoors! You've never been camping! You've never hauled or towed anything, or shown any interest in hauling and towing! And please, tell me the meaning of the word, torque.

Homer

The smoke hole where the truck's farts come out?

Marge

Torque is the tendency of a force to rotate the body to which it is applied. LIKE THIS! [spins Homer around] HOMER JAY SIMPSON, YOU ARE NOT A TRUCK GUY!!

I've seen the boys' moons more times than I've seen the real one, and I'm an astronomer!

Marge

What's wrong with us?

You haven't stopped by to say hello in years, and I live next door!

Lisa

Mom, Dad, with Bart away, I can now fulfill a dream I never dared speak aloud. For one fleeting weekend, I want to live as... an only child.

Marge

"Only child"? What about Maggie?

Lisa

Um, I kind of made alternate arrangements for her.

Patty

Time for a Flip This Bathroom marathon.

Selma

Ooh, baby, Mama loves her terra route.

Lisa

[points to the sibling pie chart] As you can see on this pie chart, this is the time you spend on my older and younger siblings. So, if you'll just humor a middle child's most frivolous whimsy, I would like you to spend the entire weekend focusing only on me.

Homer

No.

Marge

Homer! [To Lisa] Of course we will.

Lisa

[hugs her parents] Oh, it's wonderful! Oh, and for the next two days, I would like you to call me Jules. I think an only child would have a name... [flips the page with another pie chart with Jules's name on it] like Jules.

Okay! Our first only-child activity is gonna be playing horsey. Start working on your neighs.

Marge

Everybody, out, out, out, out, out! Me and the floors deserve to savor every minute of our special spa day. And take the dog. Now it's my time to make these stains "herstory."

Lisa

Ugh, are you quoting their actual slogan?

Marge

I'm quoting my wildest dreams.

Lisa

Okay, so far, the neighborhood rage is contained to just dog lovers. Oh, no. It's spread to the cat people. Oh, now it's the horse crazies.

Marge

Those horse crazies don't mess around.

Bart

Ay, caramba!

Marge

Bart, don't watch that. [puts a sack onto Bart's head] Now go to bed.

Helen Lovejoy

I've noticed lately that people have been putting up quite a few little DIY free libraries all over town.

Homer

[to Marge] What's DIY stands for?

Marge

Do it yourself.

Homer

I'm trying to, but I can't.

Lindsey Naegle

We want to know what you want in your daytime programming. There are no wrong answers and no bad ideas.

Helen Lovejoy

In that case, recipes.

Lindsey Naegle

Sure. [write the marker in the smart board]

Bernice Hibbert

Air fryer recipes.

Celebrities come on the show?

Lindsey Naegle

Well, yes, obviously, but...

Put it on the board then.

Marge

Uh, I was thinking...

Agnes

Something with vacuum.

Marge

Thanks to your little prank, 25 library books were ruined. Haven't we told you that books are precious?

Homer

I'm afraid to count how many times I've said that.

Bart

No, you weren't even there. I was just trying to make it fun for the kid. You never take my side.

Homer

Side? Get a load of this kid with a side. [Yells at Bart] How dare you defend yourself? You are the destroyer!

Marge

Yes, that's it. The destroyer. You ruin everything, even our holiday picture. [Shows Bart their holiday picture]

Homer

There's no such thing as Christmas fangs! I had to wear a scarf to midnight mass.

Marge

I don't have a moment when I'm not worried about what you'll do next. [Loses her breath] I can't... I ju... I can't...

Homer

Babe, babe, tag me in. I can take him. [Marge tags Homer, and he leaps over the bed] Destroyer. Our house is filled with unexploded pranks. Any toilet seat could be covered in superglue.

Lisa

[enters the bedroom, carrying a glass of hot dog water] Bart put hot dog water in the ice maker. He's the destroyer!

Homer

I just told him that.

Lisa

Good. [puts the glass on the floor]

Homer

Ten years as your father has left me empty. Like an orange soda bottle at a picnic sticky and covered with dying bees! I'm just... I c-- I can't...

Marge

Babe, babe. [Homer tags Marge and collapses]

Marge

Okay, punishments. What's your least favorite vegetable?

Bart

Swiss chard. [gasps]

Marge

You're looking at a whole lot of swiss chard sandwiches, buster.

Homer

[gets up on his feet] And you're never allowed to read a book again!

Marge

Homer, you just volunteered.

Homer

Dear god. No. Stop. Yield.

Well, he's got the lingo down. This guy's a natural.