Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Ooh, you're hot when you're horny.

Marge

I'm not horny. I'm mad.

Homer

Ooh, you're mad when you're angry.

Bart

[watching a Pokémon-like show on TV] Wow, how does this show stay so fresh?

Homer

[angrily enters Bart's room] Hey! You're supposed to be doing your homework! No more TV for you! [tries to take the TV off Bart's desk but fails miserably, so he grabs a pen and scribbles on the screen] Until your homework is done, the only place your butt is safe from my foot is in that chair. [leaves]

Bart

Oh.

Marge

[sneaking in] It's okay, Bart. Just do a couple vocabulary words, then come have some milk and cookies.

Bart

But Dad said I had to finish my--

Marge

Never mind what he said. You just listen to me. [leaves]

Marge

Mister, you are grounded.

Homer

And no TV.

Marge

And I'm taking all the exciting colors out of your crayons.

Homer

And when you're out of my sight, you must constantly Twitter me exactly what you're up to! Even though I don't know what Twitter is and have no desire to find out!

Bart

Ah, you guys are the meanest parents ever. [he hugs Homer and Marge] Thank you.

Bart

It's not my fault, Grampa told me to kiss her!

Marge

[scoffs] Why didn't you just tell him to club her on her head and drag her into a cave?

Grampa

You mean second base? Whoa, he's a little young for that.

Bart

Well, if I talk to Nikki, I'm sure I can--

Homer

No! If you go near her one more time, we'll be sued into the poorhouse and have to eat garbage forever!

Bart

That's no problem, Mom can make garbage taste great.

Marge

[genuinely touched, hugging him] Thank you!

Bart

Well, I mean it.

Marge

And it means the world to me.

Homer

Oh! I finally caught one of Bart's school plays.

Marge

That's not Bart, that's Principal Skinner. Bart's sitting right next to you.

Homer

Yeah, now that I look closer, that guy couldn't fool anybody.

Skinner

Shut up, fatso.

Homer

[turns red with anger] Why you little… [furiously runs into the stage and angrily strangles Skinner, Martin and Wendell drags him off the stage]

Lisa

I finally found a place I belong.

Marge

Your week's up! Time to go home.

Homer

[gasps] It can't be Saturday already! [checks camera] Monday was orientation. Tuesday, we did mime. Wednesday, we did Mame. Thursday, we got attacked by bees. Friday morning, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Elaine Stritch helped us make wallets. Friday evening, we performed Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes. Part 1: Millennium Approaches. Part 2...

Marge

Perestroika?

Lisa

That's right! Strike the set, pizza party, Sunday morning and then-- [gasps] Nooooo!

Homer

Goodbye, Lisa! I'll miss you a lot! Then a little! Then not too much!

Marge

What's so wrong with me?

Homer

Nothing, sweetie, nothing! Let me explain. She doesn't want to turn out like you didn't... not until... diplomatic.... trapped... help. Remember nothing.

Marge

A mother will remember everything!

Homer

Well if you look inside your purse, you can find the 7 of clubs.

Marge

[Looks inside her purse and pulls out a photo of Lisa] No, it's a photo of Lisa who wants to be nothing like me.

Marge

What's your note say?

Lisa

The seven of clubs?

Homer

[Revealing himself to have put the 7 of clubs to cheer Lisa up] Tada!

Marge

Why do you have to eat peanuts in the shower? [cut to a hideous collection of peanut shells, hair, and dirt Marge pulled out the drain]

Homer

Can't start the day without that fresh-from-the-circus feeling! [walks out the bathroom humming clown music]

Lisa

I find your decision to go back to blue empowering.

Marge

I thought you found my decision to go from blue to gray empowering.

Lisa

As a feminist virtually everything a woman does is empowering.

Homer

[to Bart] My little Roman Polanski.

Marge

Homer!

Homer

What? What's wrong with being Roman Polanski?

Marge

[whispers in Homer's ear]

Homer

He what?! [angrily turns red] YOU MONSTER!! [starts strangling Bart]

Marge

It's like we've got our own monster!

Homer

Your grandfather is not a monster! Now, let's chain him in the basement until the circus comes to town.

Sounds good!

Marge

Homer, I told you he wouldn't sleep through it.

In my day, women didn't make a sound!

Marge

Now, which is our room again?

Bart

You know. It had that painting of that lady and that monster on the ceiling.

Marge

That was a mirror!

Homer is implanted with several high powerful tracking devices.

Marge

How did that happen?

I left them out in a bowl and he ate them.