Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

How about a family outing?

Bart

Family outing? I'll start. Lisa's gay!

Bart

So if you weren't married, does that mean I'm a bastard?

Lisa

You were born when they were married, so in the literal sense, no. But in the sense of someone being angry at you, yes.

Marge

It's not a big deal. We'll just go to City Hall and get married there.

Lisa

[to Homer and Marge] I think it's romantic: you can pretend you're newlyweds, starting a life together!

Bart

Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock!

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little bastard! [Grabs Bart and starts strangling him.]

Lisa

That's the angry one!

Bart

[chokingly] Uh-huh!

Marge

Are you saying our entire relationship is based on lies?

Bart

Not our entire relationship, just the stuff I said.

Homer, there are only two tragedies in life: One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Marge

But that makes no sense.

Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes.

Homer

Shut up!

These days, man knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Homer

Whatever happened to "Boo"?

Homer

What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? [his stomach continues rumbling] Aww. Would some warm beer settle you down? [his stomach continues rumbling] Uh-oh. [gets up and runs off] Those barley burgers were tainted! Why did I eat twelve of them?! Why?! [runs to a bathroom door, only to find Marge using it]

Marge

Taken!

Bart

Occupied!

Lisa

Hurling!

Homer

Uh-oh!

Marge

Homie, I don't think we should build a fence. Haven't we always taught the children to make friends with those who are a little different?

Lisa

Yes!

Bart

Yeah!

Maggie

Ja! [Marge gasps.]

Maggie

Ja! Ja!

Homer

[in a tense voice] Now do you see Marge? [grasping Maggie] Now do you see why we must build that fence?

Marge

BUILD IT, HOMIE! MAKE IT AS TALL AS THE SKY AND DEEPER THAN HELL!

Maggie

Ja! Ja!

Kent Brockman

I'm here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated "Burger Squared." Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich?

Krusty

I'm glad you asked, Kent. We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows, then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven-grain bun. Burger Squared!

Homer

The math checks out!

Lisa

Cows eating cows?! That's an abomination!

Marge

Now, Lisa, you're a vegetarian, but these cows have made a different choice.

Kent Brockman

And now, this lucky reporter will be the first human to sample this delicious crime against nature. Mmm. Juicy, flavorful, with just a hint of... [changes into a Muncher and takes a bite out of Krusty's elbow]

Krusty

Hey! That's my check-cashing arm, you stupid... [Krusty also becomes a Muncher. Kent kills a camera technician and then kills the camera man]

Marge

[Gasps] Bart ate a tainted burger!

Homer

I'll bash him with this book!

Lisa

Dad, No! That's the last book in the world!

Homer

Really?

Lisa

Yes! It's... Oh, go ahead.

Homer

To the panic room!

Marge

We don't have a panic room!

Homer

To the panic room store!

I just have to warn you, Marge...

Marge

I could do worse!

We're proof that you could do worse!

Homer

She couldn't possibly do worse!

Marge

The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts.

Homer

Actually, those were Carl's shirts.

Marge

You two are going out? I thought I told you the Flanders were coming over for dinner.

Lisa

I'm having a tea party at Janey's.

Bart

And I'm having a stink bomb party at the house next to Janey's... no connection.

Bart

Stop dragging me! When I get older I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes.

Marge

Oh, that's wonderful!

Homer

Marge, what are you doing?

Marge

This junk food has got to go. It's full of chemicals, trans fats, and hard pore corn.

Marge

I'm not a dude, I'm a hottie.

Homer

This bromance just got interesting.