Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

Good morning dear!

Homer

What's my name?! What color is the sky?! What of donuts?! What?!? For the love of God tell me!

Marge

Homer! The sky is blue! Donuts are plentiful! Friday is TGIF night on ABC! What's gotten into you?

Homer

Nothing. Nothing at all. Let's just eat.

Homer

Eh, close enough.

Marge

Have you noticed any change in Bart?

Homer

New glasses?

Marge

No... he looks like something might be disturbing him.

Homer

Probably misses his old glasses.

Marge

I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.

Homer

Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.

Marge

That's not what I meant.

Homer

It was, Marge, admit it.

Marge

Cheer up! So you're not good at sports. It's a very small part of life.

Homer

Sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports. Marge, Bart rides up in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports.

Marge

Homer, I think Lisa could use a little cheering up. How about let her in front too?

Homer

[shrugs, to Marge] I tried.

Lisa

Mom, Dad, this biography of Peter Ueberroth is only 99 cents. And I found the new Al Gore book.

Marge

"Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow."

Lisa

Yeah, I hope it's as exciting as his other book, "Rational Thinking, Reasonable Future".

Marge

Homey, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?

Homer

Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life. He said I was an accident, he didn't wanna have me.

Marge

You didn't wanna have Bart.

Homer

I know, but you're never supposed to tell the child!

Marge

You tell Bart all the time. You told him this morning!

Homer

But when I do it, it's cute!

Bart

Cheer up, Homer.

Homer

Can't.

Bart

Okay!

Marge

What if you pretended that this couch were a bar? Then you could spend more nights at home with us. Huh?

Homer

I'm not going to dignify that with an answer.

Lisa

Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?

Homer

Yes! Cris-a-tunity. You're right. I've been wasting my life away in that dump for years. That's it! I'm going to find a new bar to drink in, and I'm going to get drunker than I've ever been in my entire life! Bart! Where's my wallet?

Bart

[pulling it from his own pocket] Right here, Dad!

Homer

Thank you!

Bart

You know, I have this feeling that we forgot something...

Grampa

[still on the airplane] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homer

Eh, I'm sure it's nothin'.

Lisa

Mom, are you feeling any better?

Marge

Yes, but I'd rather not talk about it.

Homer

Permit me to solve the mystery: your mother has a fear of flying.

Bart

So much for the days when I could say, "At least my mother's normal."

Marge

Everyone has a fear of something.

Homer

Not everyone.

Marge

Sock puppets!

Homer

Where!? Where!? [screams]

Lisa

Mom, you've been cooking all night?

Marge

[in a happy tone] Judge, jury, and executioner, all rolled into one, you are!

Lisa

See, Dad, I told you Mom would have problems.

Marge

No, no, honey, it's all right. Really, I'm fine, I'm all right. Mother always said, "Don't complain. Be good. Behave. Behave. Be nice. Smile. Be polite. Don't make waves..." [walks out]

Homer

You heard your mother's ramblings. She's fine, so behave.

Lisa

Mom, can we talk to you?

Marge

Can't talk. Keeping myself in a state of catlike readiness.

Lisa

Uh, neat. Anyway, Mom, maybe you should go into therapy.

Marge

I don't need therapy, I'm fine; and it's too expensive.

Homer

And I don't believe in it! It breaks up families, turns wives against husbands, children against fathers, neighbors against me. You don't have to pay some fancy psychiatrist 10 bucks an hour to get top-notch therapy.

Eww! You like The Monkees? You know they don't write their own songs.

Marge

They do so!

They don't even play their own instruments.

Marge

No! No!

That's not even Michael Nesmith's real hat.

Marge

Agggghhhh!!!

Homer

[to Marge] Did you talk about me in therapy today?

Marge

I don't think so.

Homer

Tell me the truth! [gasps] Don't tell her I raised my voice. [laughs nervously] Happy family, happy family...

Marge

Thank you, Doctor. Whenever the wind whistles through the leaves, I'll think "Lowenstein", "Lowenstein".

My name is Zweig.

Marge

[whispering] Lowenstein...

Homer

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know. There is, and it's me.

Marge

You're not a god, Homer.

Lisa

Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.

Homer

So?

Lisa

Beware the Ides of March.

Homer

No.

Lisa

Dad, I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever.

Homer

Everything lasts forever.

Lisa

Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.

Homer

Remove the girl.

Lisa

Dad, you're not with your Stonecutters now, there are no lackeys to carry out your-- [Bart takes away Lisa, then salutes Homer]

Homer

Loyal Stonecutters, let us begin our reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg.

Marge

[walking in] Homer, you can't just keep hanging out with these globus monkeys. Somebody's going to get parasites.

Homer

Oh Marge, kids, I miss my club.

Marge

Oh, Homey. You know, you "are" a member of a very exclusive club.

Homer

Black panthers?

Marge

No, the family Simpson, which has just five members -- and only two of those members have special rings.

Yeah!

Marge

I meant our wedding rings!

Homer

Oh, you're pregnant! That means we're gonna have to have a baby. All our financial plans are ruined! We're doomed! Doomed, I tells ya!

Marge

Bart, let your father tell the story!

Homer

Yeah!

Bart

Okay, but I know funny.