MMoe
[to Homer] And I'm pulling your favorite song out of the jukebox.
"It's Raining Men"?!
MMoe
Yeah, not no more, it ain't. [throws the record out the window which lands into Smithers' car]
Ow! [looks at the record] Ohhh.
“Fear of Flying” · Season 6
In this episode: Homer Simpson (14), Marge Simpson (8), Lisa Simpson (6), Bart Simpson (2), Moe Szyslak (1), Waylon Smithers (1), Grampa Simpson (1), Grandpa (1)
Cheer up, Homer.
Can't.
Okay!
What if you pretended that this couch were a bar? Then you could spend more nights at home with us. Huh?
I'm not going to dignify that with an answer.
Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?
Yes! Cris-a-tunity. You're right. I've been wasting my life away in that dump for years. That's it! I'm going to find a new bar to drink in, and I'm going to get drunker than I've ever been in my entire life! Bart! Where's my wallet?
[pulling it from his own pocket] Right here, Dad!
Thank you!
[Homer enters the bar from Cheers.]
Ooh, this looks like a nice, friendly place.
CCarla
Sam, you're too old to go on a date with two twins on the same night you're supposed to marry Diane, without Rebecca knowing.
SSam
Okay Carla, I'll make you a bet; if this affects my major-league comeback, I'll sell the bar.
NNorm
Hey Woody, get me a beer.
WWoody
I think you've had enough, Mr. Peterson. My chiropractor says I can't carry you home anymore.
NNorm
Just give me another beer, you brain-dead hick! [stands up and smashes a bottle] I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!
[Norm lunges for Woody, but Cliff and Frasier restrain him.]
CClavin
Woah, settle down, Normie! Gotta save those pipes for karaoke!
[Homer runs from the bar.]
NNorm
I love you guys! [weeps as the Cheers theme plays]
Wait a minute... There's something bothering me about this place. [gasps] I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies. (leaves)
LLesbian
What was her problem?
The last bar in Springfield. If they don't let me in here, I'm going to have to quit drinking.
HSHomer's Liver
Yay!
Shut up, liver! [punches himself in the liver] Ow, my liver hurts.
AWAirport Worker
We need a pilot, pronto! Who wants to fly to the Windy City?
[All of the pilots stand up, trying to get his attention.]
AWAirport Worker
Conditions are a little windy.
[All of the pilots who stood up sit down, leaving Homer standing.]
AWAirport Worker
You! [points at Homer]
But I...
AWAirport Worker
Hey! You're not just impersonating a pilot so you can drink here, are you?
Yeah. That's exactly why I'm here.
AWAirport Worker
[laughs] You flyboys, you crack me up.
[Cut to the cockpit of a plane.]
But I keep telling you, I'm not a pilot!
AWAirport Worker
And I keep telling you, you flyboys crack me up!
[Forces Homer into cockpit.]
Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero. I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live? Won't you, please?!
[Looking out the airplane window at the landing crew] Wow, we must be really flying high. Those people down there look all tiny and blurry, just like the inside of a cataract.
Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?
You know, I have this feeling that we forgot something...
[still on the airplane] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eh, I'm sure it's nothin'.
Mom, are you feeling any better?
Yes, but I'd rather not talk about it.
Permit me to solve the mystery: your mother has a fear of flying.
So much for the days when I could say, "At least my mother's normal."
Everyone has a fear of something.
Not everyone.
Sock puppets!
Where!? Where!? [screams]
I just realized we never had a wedding for the cat and the dog. They've been living in sin. [Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II whimper miserably]
Mom, you've been cooking all night?
[in a happy tone] Judge, jury, and executioner, all rolled into one, you are!
See, Dad, I told you Mom would have problems.
No, no, honey, it's all right. Really, I'm fine, I'm all right. Mother always said, "Don't complain. Be good. Behave. Behave. Be nice. Smile. Be polite. Don't make waves..." [walks out]
You heard your mother's ramblings. She's fine, so behave.
Mom, can we talk to you?
Can't talk. Keeping myself in a state of catlike readiness.
Uh, neat. Anyway, Mom, maybe you should go into therapy.
I don't need therapy, I'm fine; and it's too expensive.
And I don't believe in it! It breaks up families, turns wives against husbands, children against fathers, neighbors against me. You don't have to pay some fancy psychiatrist 10 bucks an hour to get top-notch therapy.
Dad, Mom's getting worse. You need to get her to a real psychiatrist; look how tense she is.
She's fine. [realises Marge is sitting down with no sofa under her] Oh.
[sarcastically] All right, Lisa, you got your way. Your mom's going to a psychiatrist. She's going to tell Marge to leave me. It'll break up the family and you'll have to live with your grandmother and pick beans.
Dad, I like picking beans with Grandma.
Well, keep it up, then.
[sarcastically] Okay, I will.
Good. You do that.
Fine.
You'll be picking many a bean.
Hope I do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.