[upset about being left out] Why won't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?
“Homer the Great” · Season 6
In this episode: Homer Simpson (6), Marge Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Number One (2), Bart Simpson (1), Principal Skinner (1), Lenny Leonard (1), Carl Carlson (1)
I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know. There is, and it's me.
You're not a god, Homer.
Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.
So?
Beware the Ides of March.
No.
Dad, I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever.
Everything lasts forever.
Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.
Remove the girl.
Dad, you're not with your Stonecutters now, there are no lackeys to carry out your-- [Bart takes away Lisa, then salutes Homer]
SStonecutters
[singing] Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do, we do
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
MMartian
We do, we do
SStonecutters
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do, we do
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
SStonecutters
We do... we do!
This ritual is called Crossing the Desert. [leads Homer in front of a line of members with paddles]
[being spanked as he walks by] Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
And this is we call the Unblinking Eye. [leads Homer again]
[being spanked again] Ow ow ow ow ow ow! [on the other side of the line] Hey, have ya ever noticed that the Crossing the Desert is a lot like the Unblinking Eye? It's exactly like The Wreck of the Hesperus.
And now the final ordeal: The Paddling of the Swollen Ass... with paddles. [leads Homer a third time]
[After being rejected by the new club, Homer takes matters into his own hands and replaces the members with monkeys]
Loyal Stonecutters, let us begin our reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg.
[camera pulls back to reveal scattered, costumed and drunk monkeys]
[walking in] Homer, you can't just keep hanging out with these globus monkeys. Somebody's going to get parasites.
Oh Marge, kids, I miss my club.
Oh, Homey. You know, you "are" a member of a very exclusive club.
Black panthers?
No, the family Simpson, which has just five members -- and only two of those members have special rings.
BLBart and Lisa
Yeah!
[they blow on their whistle rings]
I meant our wedding rings!
Remove the Stone of Shame!
[The Stone of Shame is removed from Homer's neck]
Woo-hoo!
Attach the Stone of Triumph!
[an even bigger stone is attached]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.